Winding myself up about Christmas

[Summertime2]

I know I'm getting ahead of myself here but I could do with hearing other people's thoughts.

We are a family of 4 - 2 early teenage children. Both DH and I have divorced parents. DHs mum is on her own and this year is "our year" to have her for Christmas. My mum is remarried, also the year she would expect to come to us. (Normally we would combine). I also have a brother who is single and normally expects to be included.

For context DHs mum lives near to us and we see her every couple of weeks. She has clearly been lonely but ignored lockdown and turned up every week on our doorstep so we couldn't turn her away. My mum lives 3.5 hours away and I have only seen her twice since last December due to Covid restrictions.

Also my mum was hospitalised in the spring and nearly died. We weren't allowed to see her. It was touch and go and she needed to be resuscitated.

So if we are only allowed 6 people at Christmas what do I do? I want to be with my mum this year. Go to her on my own? Take one child?! How awful!

Obviously if restrictions are stronger with no household mixing I won't have any option. And I know I will be expected to just ignore the rules and host MIL.

What do you think?

I don’t think I could leave any of our parents alone at Christmas. Your dm has her dh, and your db. I think your mil would be gutted if she’s expecting to spend Christmas with you, particularly as it doesn’t sound like she tolerates isolation well when she keeps turning up.

In the meantime could you try and go see your dm sooner? The restrictions could be tighter at Christmas (hopefully not) and travelling that far might not be possible.

But if you split up for Christmas, I don’t think it would be the worst thing in the world given that your dc are early teens. It might even add a little novelty at an age where Christmas can be boring.

Also my mum was hospitalised in the spring and nearly died. We weren't allowed to see her. It was touch and go and she needed to be resuscitated.

Cease winding! It is clear your mother comes first this year. It is an unusual year and any plans made now may need to be revised. Follow your heart. See your mother first, and the others later, on another day if need be, to lower the risk of passing anything on to her. Christmas is a mental time for many families. Good luck.

Not everyone is in a position to just self isolate for 2 Weeks before Christmas 🙄

I wouldn’t even give it another thought until early December, anything could change by then-
Hopefully for the better!

I know it is not what you are asking but I'd be arranging to see my mum this weekend if I was this worried about her. Christmas is a day in the future, surely the here and now is more important?

I'm thinking about this too. Unfortunately I can't self isolate as I have to work with others.

Just to say I'm not suggesting leaving mil on her own - I know that's not an option. My Dh wouldn't do it. Just whether I go independently to my mum, with or without kids.

Also if it makes a difference (I think it does) it's my Step DB so not my mum's son. Not a great relationship there.

Anyway thanks for the thoughts. I realise I'm rowing out to meet trouble at this early stage.

Looking at this from outside, whatever you decide (and I wouldnt make the decision yet) dont make Christmas a big 'event'.

It is very common for special events to spread infections (norovirus, Covid, flu etc etc):

• people who feel unwell feel obliged (either because of sunk cost or social obligation) to attend
• lots of people in close confines

Make it clear that this will be a missable event which may be cancelled at short notice.

OP be glad you don't live in Scotland.
You have many choices that are not open to us here.
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Having just read your OP I think you have no mother only. You could have said no to MIL turning up so you can't blame her for thinking you weren't following the rules either. Has to be your mum for all the reasons you said.

Two celebrations I think, mum on Christmas Day, MIL Christmas Eve or Boxing Day perhaps?

Who is gong to behave as the Christmas snoopers?

Do what you like

Both my parents died in April. See your mum.

Just tell everyone in a breezy way you are not ''doing Xmas'' this year for obvious reasons and hope they all have a good day and look forward to another year's - 2021(?) celebrations. That - or let everyone ignore the rules. I worked in a non -Christian country for some years where one did not even get a holiday for Xmas. It is so over- hyped and commercialised now anyway.

You're taking a breath out of tomorrows air. Just wait until closer to make your decision.

Also allowing MIL in because she turned up was a bad idea. You've basically said 'the rules don't matter' so it's going to be hard to try to stick to them now.

If restrictions are stronger and you will still be expected to ignore the rules, then I'd just point out that the restrictions are there and ignore the expectations. Having to Christmases is also an option, but Brighterthansunflowers is right: the rules are changing quicker than you have a chance to make any plans, so I'd suggest to simple think about it later. Another option: self-isolate to not meet anyone at all and send everybody a Christmas Smartshow 3d slides as a sign of respect
No, seriously, just think about it later, when the rules will be clearer about what to do on Xmas.

I think many people will be taking one day of from being law abiding

I don't think anyone is going to knock on your door to count the number of people there OP. If it's 2 extra people and you feel uncomfortable with it, could you all isolate for 2 weeks on the lead up to minimise any risks?

Clearly Christmas is really important to lots of people. But isn’t this a good opportunity to have lots of celebrations in small groups.

Day 1 mil and family
Day 2 just immediate family
Day 3 your mum and family etc

Host MIL on Christmas Day, your mum is with Her DH and could have her son (son and DH could do all the cooking).

Do another Christmas Day on Boxing Day with your mum.

Obviously there might be completely different rules by then.

Also if you want to go to your parent's, than just go and leave kids and dh with his mum.

There are plenty of ways to do this, it may not be what you would want to do, but has anything been what we want this year. It really isn’t hard to make a group of seven into a group of 3 and a group of 4 or similar. It is just one year.

I cannot get along with the its only one more, the line has to be drawn somewhere. If it were 7 than families of 8 would be saying it is only one more and so on. We all have to do our bit.

Having said that it could all be different by then anyway.

Having said that

I think many people will be taking one day of from being law abiding

Exactly this 🤷‍♂️. I know plenty of people who will be doing their usual thing and I don't blame them.

I think keep calm as its 3 months away and we have no idea what will happen between now and then. There is no point giving it a second thought yet!! But if it is like that then, have 2 get togethers!!

Just invite then all, it will only be 7, I doubt that one extra person is really going to make a difference. Family is more important especially at that time. I have lost both my parents and I would not miss swing them at Christmas because if stupid rules even though you can be bear loads if other people in schools, pubs ect

If everyone does their own thing at Christmas seeing as many family members as they want, the following school term will be buggered