It’s not total protection!
It gives you a higher level of security than not being married but it’s still better to maintain as much independence as possible.
Following my own experience (divorced, hadn’t been a Sahm for long at that point, ex emptied the joint bank accounts, took the family car and various valuables without my knowledge or agreement) I would always advise that all women, especially mothers do the following:
Have a sole bank account with a DIFFERENT bank than his/joint account
As much as possible have funds set aside in that account for emergencies, if you can manage at least enough to cover 1 months living costs
If possible have an emergency credit card
Lots of mners advise to have a pension too, something I lack knowledge on but hope to rectify soon.
However, yes my ex was a dick initially financially, we didn’t have much in the way of “assets” but eventually because we were married he had to repay what he’d taken which he was NOT happy about! It wasn’t loads but it was enough for me to get another car (basic used, the family car was new), pay off overdraft and cover a little (not a full month) of childcare. Wouldn’t have had that if we’d not been married so I’d still say being married is better than not.
It isn’t exactly unusual for separated families to have 50\50 shared cate or close to it nowadays
In my experience the reality of supposed “50/50 care” is that the woman still has majority responsibility for paid childcare, time off work when kids sick/on holiday/locked down, costs for the dc (clothes, shoes, uniform etc) and in actuality all it means is the dad sees them a few more evenings a week for “disney dadding” which generally includes late nights on school nights, poor routine and all the consequences of these issues...which the mum gets blamed for/has to pick up the pieces!
Otherwise they great deal, they get to be around to spend time with their children and bringing them up exactly as they choose, and they get it all for free. it’s not “free” it’s at the expense of their own finances and employability! And a lot certainly don’t raise the dc “exactly as they choose”
It's worth doing the child maintenance calculator online- I was shocked how little I would get if me and dh split up I agree the amounts are woefully low! It can provide knowledge to a point
BUT bear in mind that a LOT of us have had major problems getting csa and then cms to get reluctant Nrps to pay up! I had a situation where it really SHOULDN’T have been difficult at all! He was in the army, employed and paid by the govt, they knew exactly where he was at any given time and how much he earned and I STILL had to fight tooth and nail for the payments I did receive which were underpaid, inconsistent and unreliable!
Unless and until we have a govt that actually gives a shit about the children with separated/divorced parents we won’t have a govt child maintenance agency that actually gets off its arse and makes sure nrps pay, nor a justice system that effectively deals with those that don’t!
and their OH would never do anything like that you have no idea how someone will treat you after a split until you’re there!
My ex’s behaviour all round was such a change in character his family were genuinely concerned for him - initially! While we were together he’d always treated me fairly financially speaking, was highly critical of “deadbeat dads” and was a hands on devoted father, pretty much as soon as we split he completely changed!
NEVER rely on how a man is while you’re still together.