Would you want to be told if your husband was cheating.

[MessyMummy15]

I don't want to be outing.
But I'm in a position where I have found out someone has cheated on his partner.

He doesn't want to tell her.
She doesn't know.
I am good friends with both but finding it hard to remain impartial.

Would you tell her?
Would you want to know if your partner had cheated?
should I just keep my nose out?

Did it 2 weeks ago. The couple 'worked things out' and now I am a Meddling B**

I’d want to know. In addition to the hurt I’d DH cheating, it would be made worse that people knew and didn’t say anything

Perhaps tell him he needs to tell his wife or you will

In your shoes I would tell him that the best thing to do is confess.

I would tell her to talk to him about her suspicions.

And then stand back.

Few I wouldn't want to know. But only because it would be better for my kids if I didn't.

Fwiw not few

Be prepared for the friend not believing you as he will make sure he has a story where you are jealous of what they have and she will believe it because she wants to xxx

I would only want to know if I suspected anything. Otherwise, if I really had no clue, I wouldn’t want to know.

I'd tell him he HAS to tell her.

@MessyMummy15

She's told me shes suspicious

No proof but he got drunk and confessed to me.

Will probably delete this thread soon. Worries it's gonna be outing.

Tell her to keep her eyes and ears open if she is suspicious. Blowing the whistle when you are closely associated with both parties puts you in a really bad position, and you may get blamed

Meanwhile there's a simultaneous thread where a woman is asking if she should tell her husband about her affair and everyone is saying no

@adventurealice

Meanwhile there's a simultaneous thread where a woman is asking if she should tell her husband about her affair and everyone is saying no

Not everything is cut and dried. The thread you are talking about is a different dynamic with no third party

Yes, I would want to know.

I think I'd want to know but not from a friend, if that makes sense. I would probably associate that friend with my H's infidelity which isn't fair but feelings aren't logical.

Yes! But risk losing them both as friends. She deserves to know

Hell yes.

@Sunnyrainshowers

In your shoes I would tell him that the best thing to do is confess.

I would tell her to talk to him about her suspicions.

And then stand back.

Few I wouldn't want to know. But only because it would be better for my kids if I didn't.

^ this

Do you work with both of them? That could have implications for you....

Well yes I guess I would if it was actually true, but my husband has lunch with females he works with sometimes (no this does not bother me) so if I was contacted 'I saw your DH today in X restaurant he is cheating on you' then I would assume they don't know what they are talking about

If they knew 100% for a fact he was then sure tell me

Yes. I felt very disappointed in the ppl who had known. And no I didn’t shoot the messenger. Was very grateful to that person for telling me. Its my right to know and to be allowed to make a decision

Of course I'd want to know!

Yes! An ex of mine had an affair with my best friend, so many people knew and not one person told me, When it came to me finding out myself I rejected everyone who knew, they were upset and couldn't work out why I didn't want to know them. I even had them tell me they were looking out for me by not telling me. As far as I was concerned they were no friends of mine.

@DimplesToadfoot

Yes! An ex of mine had an affair with my best friend, so many people knew and not one person told me, When it came to me finding out myself I rejected everyone who knew, they were upset and couldn't work out why I didn't want to know them. I even had them tell me they were looking out for me by not telling me. As far as I was concerned they were no friends of mine.

I am only speaking for myself but I would assume it was my husbands responsibility to tell me he was cheating not others, so I would not disown people who knew and did not tell me, I would disown him though.

They should not have to be in situation like that to have to make a decision, they are not the cheaters

If a good friend knew, then yes I would want them to tell me. But I would rather not know if it was a random person/other woman telling me. Is that odd??

Yes. They all knew but protected him for 2 years, 2 years of my mental health being utterly destroyed and 2 years of him shagging around and potentially exposing me to life changing STIs. People.deserve to know for the sake of their sanity and health if nothing else and to be able to make an informed decision whatever way themselves.

@MikeUniformMike

Tell him to end the affair or else you tell her. Then butt out.

I know that OP has asked to close the thread but I'd like to reiterate that

I'd tell him to end the affair or else you tell her.

I would not tell her if he ended the affair.

@seayork2020

So you would be happy with 'friends' of yours going out drinking, for meals, or footie matches etc with your husband and his bit on the side while knowing that you were at home looking after his kids?

I even looked after one families kids every morning before school for fucking years, they'd sit across the room from me, in my house, drinking my tea telling me they'd had a boring weekend and hadn't gone out anywhere, but you know damn well they had gone to a music festival with your ex ... and you think that's the act of a friend?

You speak for yourself my dear but their actions showed me they were no friends of mine.