Would you want to be told if your husband was cheating.

[MessyMummy15]

I don't want to be outing.
But I'm in a position where I have found out someone has cheated on his partner.

He doesn't want to tell her.
She doesn't know.
I am good friends with both but finding it hard to remain impartial.

Would you tell her?
Would you want to know if your partner had cheated?
should I just keep my nose out?

Yes I would, but people need to know that you can't control how the person will react however gently/appropriately you tell them.
Of course it's good to tell them in the right way, but when emotions are playing out, the recipient might blame you or others because they are emotionally compromised, not because it's your fault. Nobody likes to hear that news because it will be incredibly painful.
I wouldn't know what to do in this situation if I'm honest.

I'm not sure I would give him the 'you tell her or I will' spiel

He will just procrastinate and use the time to sort his lies story out and you'll feel uncomfortable not knowing when he's going to tell her.

Yes because finding out the way I did broke my heart

I would advise him to tell her or you will tell her

I wish someone had told me.

Then I wouldn't have been treated like a mug for the best part of 3 years.

I probably wouldn't have thanked the messenger at the time but, by god, I would do now.

As a I said i would advise him to tell her or I would. But I would not want to tell her as the messenger always gets shot

Thank you everyone. How do I get this post deleted? I think I have my answer now...

Admin can you delete please.

You can report the thread and ask for it to be deleted, they may or may not do it though.

100% I'd want to know.

I was convinced my ex cheated on me, however he denied it for years indicating I was imagining things / sabotaging our marriage. He moved in with his mistress days after we separated. It would have been so much less traumatic to be told and to have been able to just walk. Instead, I questioned my own sanity.

I would so so anonymously if you choose to.

I think because of the fact that you confronted him and then he confessed you should finish the job and tell her. He didn't just blurt it out randomly did he. You pressed him for the truth why if you weren't going to do anything with it.

drunken confession of one-night stand? He's grooming you to be his next conquest....

posted too soon - you now have an intimate secret together with this cheat, eh?

Ugh. As if it was just one night. They always confess to the minimum they can get away with.

I once protected a cheat - he cheated on my best friend bu because it was with my sister (all 3 of us were best friends) I never told her.

My friend and the cheat then went on to get married.

This was about ten years ago now and I still always wonder whether I made the right decision not to tell her. The fall out would have been huge though and ultimately my loyalty lay with my sister.

My sister knows I know, and my friend’s husband knows I know, it is just never spoken of.

Knowing someone has cheated is a big secret to keep.

Think to yourself what the fall out would be and whether it justifies you telling the woman.

Yes I would want to know so I could add veet to his shampoo

Yes. My best friend phoned me to tell me she had sex with my husband. Now happily divorced and minus one friend.

If you report the post MNHQ can delete if you have privacy concerns - but unless this is linked to any of your other posts this thread sounds very vague and I imagine there’s lots of similar scenarios across the country

I would want to know but I would also want proof.

@Thisisnotnormal69

If you report the post MNHQ can delete if you have privacy concerns - but unless this is linked to any of your other posts this thread sounds very vague and I imagine there’s lots of similar scenarios across the country

Unfortunately, you're right. There will be thousands of men this could be about. Utter shits.

FWIW, I would have preferred to have found out from a kind friend rather than catching them in the act like I did.

If it was an ongoing thing I would definitely want to know.

And morally I would tell her, it’s her you should be loyal to here, not him. and if she finds out you knew and didn’t tell her, you will lose the friendship anyway

Especially if she’s already suspicious - she would feel utterly humiliated (even if the blame is entirely on him)

No I wouldn’t, but I fully accept I’m probably in a minority on this.

No. I don't want to hear it from anyone. It wouldn't make me happier.