To ask if any of you have quit work to be a SAHM?

[WestTen]

Seriously considering this as I have a young DS. Being at home with him during lockdown made me realise how much I would love being a SAHM.

If any of you have done this, did you live solely off one wage or did you claim too? I'd love for this to work for me but I'm just weighing up the options at the moment.

I always see people saying it didn't make sense financially for them to return after mat leave etc, but how does it? When I've done benefits calculators we would actually be worse off. DP only earns £1200 after tax..

Anyone? Please

I stopped working when I had my DD 16 years ago. At the time my dh and I travelled a lot, there was no option of me working PT and I was happy to stop anyway.
We were definitely worse off financially because I stopped working although DH did earn more than me.
We assumed that at some point I would need to go back to work or would want to, but it never happened. Luckily my dh is in a sector which is always in demand and he is paid very well. I know a lot of other SAMs and even though both my children are teenagers I am never bored.

If you have a DP rather than a DH then please don't give up your job.

@follygirl I envy you

Please factor in pension provision to any decisions you make. Too many women don’t think twice about this. Pension poverty is a huge problem for women and it’s not easy to fix.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz This is one of the things that I have considered. I don't want to be naive. I am wondering if still working but less hours would make more sense, just for this reason

£1200 a month after tax??? How will you survive if you gave up your job?

Being a SAHM with no money is depressing

@TheKeatingFive I already have a private pension with some in it. I'm quite young and wouldn't want to be a SAHM forever I don't think, just while DC is little and not in school yet

Usually when people say it’s not worth financially them going back to work, they are not talking about how generous Benefits are.

Rather, by not working, they’ll be saving childcare costs of say 2k a month (for 2 kids) plus commuting costs of a couple hundred a month. In many cases this will cancel out their salary post tax.

My husband earns enough to pay all the bills and essentials, plus a small amount into savings.

I have a very part time (approx 5 hours per week) self employed job which pays for extras like days out and kids activities.

We only claim child benefit. Personally I wouldn't want to quit my job and live off of universal credit as I don't believe that's what it is there for.

It really depends on your finances. Could you afford to live on 1200 a month, that doesn't seem like much.

@LightUpLetters I have a friend who did the same and she claims UC. She seems to be doing just fine. I know not every situation is the same though. At this moment in time I am just considering

The plan is for me to stop working once we have children which will hopefully be in the next couple of years. When we were working out how much we could afford when buying the house we didn't include my salary in case I dropped my hours/ stopped working altogether. DH earns a lot more than I do and my wage won't be all that missed by the time we factor in childcare costs.

DP has the potential to earn more some months, it depends on his bonus though so it's not guaranteed

I wrote post and it disappeared.
I did, for 10 years, 2 dc up until each was 5.

It was financially so tight, but it made me become really inventive, reduced food, no hair cuts... Free stuff, charity shops...

We were able to have good days out thanks to tesco vouchers, longleat, London zoo etc.

Even though we had some wobbles at times, financially... It was hard because we had no family help.
I wouldn't take the 10 years back for the world. The time has flown, its scary. Even older dd has emotionally moved away so much at only 14..
I'm back at work now, concentrating on pensions etc. I love being back at work, earning. What pp said about being married is however very sensible.
Unless you have financial back up.
Anyway, that time was amazing. Grueling, financially hard, no hair cuts, new clothes but sounding cheesey non of that is significant.

West, I'm no spring chicken, but that was my thinking... I've literally got the entire rest of my life now to work. As long as I'm reasonably fit and well that could be another 30 years.
Taking time out was a small tiny window in my whole life.

I did when DS was 1. He's 25 now. He was quite poorly and I was burnt out at work, 35 and wanted to be a mummy. I gave up a high salary 24 years ago; a lot more than your dp earns now.

However DH's salary was snapping at the heels of mine and he had better prospects and was chasing them so simply could not help when the baby was ill. Things were tight, we had a very high mortgage, but we could pay all our bills.

I had the most wonderful 7 years at home and returned to work, starting a new career when dd was settled in reception.

However, this would not have been a choice if we hadn't been able to pay all our bills without looking to the state for support.

I sorely regret my decision to quit my job in February to become a SAHM. Dont get me wrong, I love being with DS but when I made the desicion I was in a relationship with DS DF and it was a joint decision. The plan was to live of his wages until DS was around 2-3 years old, then I would return to work. Unfortunately we have split since then and I am having a really hard time finding another job in the current climate and my finances have took a real hit!
Obviously I dont know your situation but my advice would be to be mindful of the current climate and the potential difficulty finding work if you decide it was the wrong desicion.
Good luck with whichever path you choose to take OP

@Bulblasagne

I did and it is my only regret in life, DS doesn’t remember all the stuff we did together but my life reminds me daily that it is never a good idea to put all your eggs in the same basket.

You will provide much better for your child if you keep working, it would also be good for your relationship, trying to survive in a single small salary even with benefits will limit your options and put a lot of pressure on your other half.

[quote WestTen]@LightUpLetters I have a friend who did the same and she claims UC. She seems to be doing just fine. I know not every situation is the same though. At this moment in time I am just considering[/quote]
So you want the tax payer to pay your choice of life ... can work but rather other people to pay your lifestyle. Nice.

Stick with your job OP the country really is being drained enough with ppl like you adding to it intentionally

Hey OP. Not an expert on this (two DC and work 4 days a week) I'd say there's a lot to consider. Your relationship with your DP being one of the most important factors. If you're not married, I'd strongly suggest doing it or at least making sure you're legally protected in the event of a split. I've seen too many women suffer because they weren't protected and ended up with nothing. Not saying this will happen to you of course, but if you're making decisions like this, it's something you must consider.

Also, your profession. I work in PR and marketing. I'm 41 and very aware that there's a lot of competition from people who are much younger and savvier than me. I wouldn't fancy my chances if I was to give up my job and then try to get back in the door a few years later. I don't know what it is you do but some industries are more competitive and dynamic than others. In the current climate too, I guess I'd advise anyone to hold on to their jobs if they like them, because it is not looking good for the foreseeable.

Could you do part time? For me, work offers a place to be me and not Mummy (I love being Mummy, obvs nothing at all wrong with that, but I also like to be the other version of me too). I feel that working makes me a better mum, because I feel I have had that break.

But ultimately you know yourself and your family better than any of us, and if it's right for you, then absolutely go for it! I wish I could go down to 3 days a week with my job, but work won't allow it. I will say that working from home because of lockdown has been very helpful, as it means I've been able to be there for DD starting school, and not had to do after school care. I've been hugely grateful for that; otherwise I may very well have tried harder to reduce my hours.

I was a SAHM from when DS1 was born for 6yrs. I would not give that back for the world. We struggled financially as my wage went and DH changed career and took a £500/month pay cut. We didn’t go on hols anywhere until DH1 was 12 and even then its been caravan hols. Kids didn’t notice that they didn’t have much for xmas or birthday but they did and still do love going to the park, paddling in the river and walking in the woods which are all free. I’d say do it. You don’t get the years back once they’re older

I couldn't do it if it meant cleaning benefits. if we can work and need the money I believe we should, male or female. But I did have a few years off when the kids were young and don"t regret it, even though it caused financial worries and some restrictions.

No way. If I had millions in the bank but even then probably not! What happens if DP loses his job, do you a significant amount of savings? In a pandemic I’d be even more worried to be working. I know so many mums who have been out of the job market and find it impossible to go back.