To ask if any of you have quit work to be a SAHM?

[WestTen]

Seriously considering this as I have a young DS. Being at home with him during lockdown made me realise how much I would love being a SAHM.

If any of you have done this, did you live solely off one wage or did you claim too? I'd love for this to work for me but I'm just weighing up the options at the moment.

I always see people saying it didn't make sense financially for them to return after mat leave etc, but how does it? When I've done benefits calculators we would actually be worse off. DP only earns £1200 after tax..

Speakout that sounds great but you haven't answered OP's question about what it is you actually do.

I did but I utterly hated it so now I have three businesses I have built up from nothing and can work around the kids and everything else and I love it!

I did. Both DH and I had jobs which tended to require us to work early or late or go abroad at very short notice. I didn't want to live in a marriage where we kept having arguments about who should tell work no.

I created a secondary 'career' for myself in the voluntary sector, starting with helping out at mother-and-baby groups and moving on with my DC, until I moved into working with the elderly. With that and having time to form good other mum relationships I really enjoyed my life. I had a lot of different experiences, met loads of people from disparate backgrounds, became fully involved in my local community to the point where I couldn't walk into town without meeting at least one person I knew. It meant that I was exposed to a much broader range of ideas and experiences than I would have been if I'd just been involved with my work field. It took effort on my part but, like anything, was worth it and left me with a rich and fulfilling life as the DC needed me less. Until Covid, of course. I'm not someone who relies on my paid work for my identity.

Meanwhile, DH, free to be the guy who could drop everything to go and sort out issues at a moment's notice, thrived in his career, so as a family we didn't suffer from my lost income for long. We had agreed to have all finances in joint names and I am named on his pension. There was no suggestion that the contribution of either of us was any more or less valuable than the other. Our relationship was more relaxed as we didn't have to discuss who was responsible for what all the time.

The one cloud was when DH was made redundant and I realised how comparitively small my earning potential had become. But fortunately he found a new job just as things were getting squeaky.

But, and it's a big but, we were married and both fully committed to the relationship and making it work that way. If you're not married I would advise you not to give up work.

I did something similar but different circumstances. I was having some mental health issues which imho were making me shit at my job so I had no choice but to leave. I was VERY lucky that dp brought in enough of a wage so we were only entitled to child benefit and less than £10 a week tax credits. So my wage didnt really make a difference.
I havent gone back to work yet but not having to deal with work has improved my mental health no end.

I’m hoping to do it imminently but only until the DC receive funded nursery hours/start school at which stage I’ll start working again on part time hours

Currently the cost of 2 DC in full time nursery is more than I earn so I’d actually be out of pocket by several hundred pounds a month to just go back to work, let alone factoring in travel costs, general living etc

Sorry I should say I'm in a housing association house and the tenancy is solely in my name so me and my dc are protected.

I absolutely despise posters who want to quit their jobs to then apply for UC because in theory they want to stay at home with their “little darlings”

I’ve worked full time since I was 16 and even though I only work in an admin position 35 hours a week I’m still working full time and I’ve got two children under two. My DH works full time too but we’ve hired a nanny and we’ll make it work.

I love being at home with my children as much as the next person but I’m not about to start asking the government and taxpayers to fund it

OP it would be disgraceful for you to quit your work just to claim UC!

In your circumstances, I think the idea of reducing your hours sounds much better. You’ll get to spend more time with your son but you’ll be better off financially.

I’m a SAHM but DH is a v high earner so we’re comfortable financially. If his earnings were moderate or low, no chance in hell I’d have stopped working altogether.

I always see people saying it didn't make sense financially for them to return after mat leave etc, but how does it?

I think those with a very well earning husband are worse off as you don't get the UC childcare element if you are earning above a threshold. if your family income is low, you will get up to 80% of your childcare paid. I was always a low earner and paying for childcare and getting the childcare element left me always better off.

At 1.2k income, I dont see how you can afford not to work though. if there is nothing other than your desire to be a sahm is behind it, I think it would be vary unreasonable to claim benefits to fund your lifestyle choice.

Would you be able to live on £1200 a month?? That's less than I get in my part time low level admin job!

Yes me, I’ve been at home three years with my twins.

Haven’t loved it to be honest and now in coronavirus times I like it even less but childcare costs were insane and I just couldn’t justify it and my work refused to let me work part time.

It’s very isolating and repetitive. The only people I met were people with kids that I didn’t have much in common with at all. More ‘needs must’ friendships. My NCT group melted away after a year as they all went back to work. I’m now looking to get a job but it’s quite hard as my area was specialist and we’ve moved house.

Honestly I would say stay part time so you have more options and you’re not totally dependent on your partner for money which I really hate.

I'm about to finish in 2 weeks.
I'm SO ready!

Will be leaving a Director role and 6 figure salary but I'm done.

My son is 3 in Feb and I think I'm burnt out.

Yes I gave up work when my DS was born. My DH and I both sat down and worked out finances and realised we would be worse off if I continued with work as we would be paying more out on child care costs than we would be earning at the time.
What made the decision easier for me was I also hated my job so it wasn't as if I was giving up a wonderful career to become a sahm.
I wouldn't have done it if I had a good career or wasn't married.
I am now planning to look to go back to work some point next year or the beginning of the following year when my DD will then be in nursery with my DS already being in school.

I will say being a sahm can be rewarding and lovely but it can be draining and lonely at times with not much adult company you do miss time out of the house as well on your own.

Could you talk a career break for a few years so you keep your job open? I’ve done this an appreciate the time with the children but knowing my job is still there at the end.

I think those with a very well earning husband are worse off as you don't get the UC childcare element if you are earning above a threshold.

If you’re anywhere near benefit thresholds, you’re definitely not very well earning.

Also I should add we aren't entitled to any benefits what so ever because my husband earns over the threshold.
So we live off his salary which is fine but I will be glad to be able to work again and start earning my own income.

You aren’t married and he earns only £1200 a month?
Honestly I think you’d be absolutely batshit.

@LightUpLetters

£1200 a month after tax??? How will you survive if you gave up your job?

Being a SAHM with no money is depressing

Universal credit would top up the household income on that low a wage with a child unless they have savings in excess of 16k.

I became a SAHM when I was pregnant with DD2. DH is self employed and we were financially comfortable without my salary. I've now been a SAHM 10 years. I help DH with business admin and I have a hobby that makes me sensible ££.

Having said that, I have a skill set that enables me to dip in and out of the work place very easily if I want to earn some extra cash and I'm paid well for it when I do because I've kept a foot in the employment door by maintaining professional registrations and the like.

I like being able to pick up DD from school, I like being able to do my own thing on my own terms and I like being my own person. but I'm also lucky in that I don't have to think too much about money, which makes my thought processes and subsequent choices very different to someone who is reliant on a 2nd salary.

I did. I was single at the time so was on Income Support. Now my current partner earns £17k, which is about the same as your partner. We manage fine; it's about priorities. It seems more about other people paying for your lifestyle choices than priorities! Imagine of everyone decided they'd stop working and it was up to whoever else to pay the bill.