To ask how you cope with aging?

[malificent7]

So I am only 42 but wanting botox. In many ways I feel more comfortable in my skin but I am sad that it may be too late to have another baby ( not sure I want anothet but would be good to have the option.)
Also I wish I looked like the beautiful young girls I worked with ...but with my knowledge now!
Yes, i know the patriarchy makes us fear aging so how do i embrace it?

I'm thankful I have four working limbs, five senses, and can function reasonably well.

I try and ignore my creaking knees.

I reserve injections and surgery for necessary medical interventions.

I try and resist the notion that "one day when I have this or that" I will feel better/be happy. I try and appreciate that moment, or that day.

Despite that, I wish all the time that I had got in to the habit of exercising and eating less than I currently do now and I wish I had maintained the figure I had in my twenties and thirties. Every so often I try and change that.

Be happy op

Try telling yourself it’s probably better than the alternative, i.e. being dead.

I have a genetic condition that has given me baby soft smooth skin. I have very few wrinkles at nearly 60. It has also given me unstable joints, cardiac problems, gastrointestinal problems, high blood pressure, constant tendonitis, osteoporosis, chronic infections which are a sod to get on top of, bruising, poor healing and dental problems. I would trade the smooth soft unlined skin if it meant I could get rid of the rest of the physical problems. I feel like I’m 90 on the inside and 40 on the out.

What I also should have said in pp is that what I do find hard about ageing is coping with regrets over things that it's too late to do anything about. Like opportunities, jobs, friendships, relationships that were lost/damaged because I didn't have the confidence to jump in or wisdom to say/do the right thing. If I could go back in time, it wouldn't be to start using anti-ageing treatments earlier in life, it would be to take those opportunities that I missed out on.

Assuming you’re straight, think of a man you find attractive.
Now imagine him frowning in the mirror at saggy jowls, sitting for hours having his foils done, starving himself, spending hundreds having his face injected and hiding away until the tight, puffy look has gone. Imagine him carefully applying serums, lotions, painting on layers before he walks out the door. Imagine him squeezing himself into tight underwear to hold in his gut, squatting over the bath to pull out every last hair from his undercarriage, glossing and bleaching and plucking and worrying.

Imagine the same man: wrinkles and greys perhaps, but clean, fit, healthy, well fed and well rested with an outdoor glow.

Who is more attractive? Who is (probably) happier?

Society’s done a number on us.
This isn’t self-care. So much ‘self-grooming’ is an undignified, expensive, pitiful waste of time.
Fair play to you if you genuinely enjoy it and it makes you happy, but for most (including me, in the past) it comes from a place of fear.

I look after my health and move my body for the enjoyment of it.
I look after my hair, wear good comfortable clothes that fit well and suit me, but I refuse to waste anymore time on the rest of it. My motto now is, if my husband isn’t expected to do it, I don’t either.
The consequence of that is that I look my age, but am comfortable in my skin, which I have always admired and wanted to emulate more than clinging to youth.

I worked somewhere where I saw a lot of younger people die. It’s years ago, but I’ll never forget.
Ageing is a privilege. Keep as fit as you can, see friends and family, keep active and interested.

Great thread and some wise words!

Trust me OP I'm sure others look at you as a beautiful young woman like you look at the girls you work with.

Age is just a number. No matter how old we are, today is the youngest you'll ever be, so embrace and enjoy it, tomorrow you'll be a day older and so on!!

I have 6 more months of my 40's left, seems so surreal I'll be 50, but then again everyone else is getting older too so it's just a case of acceptance for me.

I love @Marlinn's post. This is exactly how it is. It's not just a free choice that women make. It's no coincidence that there's a massive amount of marketing and social pressure aimed at making women spend huge amounts of money and time on trying to look younger. That is patriarchy in action. If you spend an hour a day on make up, hair, etc, that's 30 hours a month you could be doing something more fun/useful/interesting/educational. Not to mention the extra cash you'd also have.

I don't need to 'cope' with aging, I've always been happy with the age I am. As I got older I actually found life better - I was more stable, wiser, things got easier when the children left home. I don't worry about looks, I'm fairly average, look better with make-up but don't have any specific routine except soap and water.

It is true that I found it harder when I finally got 'middle age spread' - the body shape changes so even with walks and so on, I will never look like a lithesome 20-year old again.

I have now hit my 60's and realise people consider me 'old' - again something I have to get used to as I'm actually very lively, still working (part-time), travel a lot, have many interests and hobbies and so on (pre-COVID). But the best way to cope with ageing is acceptance of the stage of life you are currently at; if you are forever trying to fight your age, you really aren't coping very well at all.....

I don't worry about trying to look like the young ones at work. I had my time looking young and I'm glad to be able to grow older. I felt so much more confident once I got older that the wrinkles feel like a small price to pay! .

I disagree Botox and fillers are weird. They can just help keep the face a bit more youthful. The hideous lip fillers are more a younger woman's thing anyway, so avoid those. Keep yourself fit and healthy and keep up to date with everything and it's fine.

@Marlinn

Assuming you’re straight, think of a man you find attractive. Now imagine him frowning in the mirror at saggy jowls, sitting for hours having his foils done, starving himself, spending hundreds having his face injected and hiding away until the tight, puffy look has gone. Imagine him carefully applying serums, lotions, painting on layers before he walks out the door. Imagine him squeezing himself into tight underwear to hold in his gut, squatting over the bath to pull out every last hair from his undercarriage, glossing and bleaching and plucking and worrying.

Imagine the same man: wrinkles and greys perhaps, but clean, fit, healthy, well fed and well rested with an outdoor glow.

Who is more attractive? Who is (probably) happier?

Society’s done a number on us.
This isn’t self-care. So much ‘self-grooming’ is an undignified, expensive, pitiful waste of time.
Fair play to you if you genuinely enjoy it and it makes you happy, but for most (including me, in the past) it comes from a place of fear.

I look after my health and move my body for the enjoyment of it.
I look after my hair, wear good comfortable clothes that fit well and suit me, but I refuse to waste anymore time on the rest of it. My motto now is, if my husband isn’t expected to do it, I don’t either.
The consequence of that is that I look my age, but am comfortable in my skin, which I have always admired and wanted to emulate more than clinging to youth.

Yes. Perfectly put.

@Overwhelmed222

The best part about growing older is becoming “invisible” I really appreciate your post *@LostInAutumn*, but I find the invisibility thing really difficult. How do you accept it? I am so sorry about your daughter.

I thought becoming invisible would be hard, but it's not. I have brushed off the posturing of youth and am able to be amused by the younger people. It's also safer as you get older, as you are overlooked by the men you would not want to attract. And, once a while, another invisible person my own age is able to catch my eye and share an amusing moment with a lifted eyebrow. I am 60, and am often told how good I look for my age (ah, the "for your age...") but I don't want the attention of the energetic 20's-30's, and like being in my own skin now. There is nothing quite as unattractive as a 60 year old trying to fit in with a 30 year old crowd, when there are so many awesome people in my own age group! I enjoyed each age as it came, and am happy with the age I am now. I have an appreciation for the years.

I really meant for that to go under this screen name!

I feel so old at 36, because men have been telling me that I am old, since I was 28.

I lived in a rural part of Ireland for most part of my life, and lets just say that the men ther are particularly cruel and misogynistic

I’m 47 but inside I am 27. I kind of stopped ageing at 27 and the number really isn’t relevant and I forget how old I am. When I’m reminded it is somewhat of a shock.

OP, I would say if you want to have Botox or fillers then try it. If it makes you feel better and you have the money then why not? Be careful though as I think it can be addictive and once you start you ‘get the bug’ for more and more. This is what I have witnessed in a couple of friends of mine.

Maybe try to figure out what it is that bothers you about your age before going down the fillers and Botox route though.

OP, I would say if you want to have Botox or fillers then try it. If it makes you feel better and you have the money then why not? Be careful though as I think it can be addictive and once you start you ‘get the bug’ for more and more. This is what I have witnessed in a couple of friends of mine.

This. Totally.

I'm not sure it even makes a difference but I'm getting it just incase. Ffs. I need to just get on with not going for it because clearly it's making no difference to how I feel.

But yes, have a go. See what you think but go with someone reputable not someone who comes round your house because it is cheaper.

Botox doesn't really make you look older, just "done". My mum always told me that the older you get, the better quality your clothes need to be. I never used to believe her until I hit 37! That doesn't mean clothes have to be boring or expensive; on the contrary, I buy loads of great quality stuff on ebay or second hand, and play with colour, shape and texture more now than I ever did. Gorgeous 20 year olds can wear anything and look amazing, but specifically tailored clothing, good quality material and signature items really increase my confidence. Oh, and a good haircut is essential.

Not older, younger. Ugh.

@BeachLane you are mixing with the wrong men. A man has never told me I am old or look old and I am 60.

Growing old worries is the worry of a young person.

By the time you get there you're just happy to be there

@OhTheRoses I think this was a quote from Sarahpaula? I was just replying to her comment about men telling her she was old at 36. I can’t remember a man ever commenting on my age.

Apols BeachLane. No offence meant

I'm 46 and since turning 40, I've stopped thinking about which bits of my body I'd like to be bigger or smaller but rather how I would like it to last another 40 years. No botox here (although no judgement about it) but a proper skincare routine, coloured hair, reasonable diet, daily walk, lots of water and caring so much less than I did in my 20s. My sister died at the age of 33 and would have given anything to grow old and see her vibrant red hair go grey (or white as I'm actually discovering). I remember that anytime that I'm gazing in dismay at my lines. Embrace it and have another baby if that's what you want to do - once the peri-menopause hits you'll be awake in the middle of the night anyway!

I have been waking in the night for years! Lovely advice on here but we do live in an agist society.
Men my age at work were trying to guess how old I am...( guessed right dammit), not in a horrible way ( never called me old) but in a curious way. Am I still fuckable/ why is she retraining ?
Someone on my course said to me" i don't go on Facebook as it's for old people....I'm on insta."
And young men just look past me now. I'm not interested in them but why are we invisible?
My colleague who is 35 got commented on by a younger colleague " I am experienced but not in age like her"
I guess I envy the young ones as they have more succesful careers than me( im retraining)plus I had a difficult youth. ( domestic abuse/ mh issues). I made lots of bad decisions and I cant go back..although I am lots happier now I do carry some scars.