To ask how you cope with aging?

[malificent7]

So I am only 42 but wanting botox. In many ways I feel more comfortable in my skin but I am sad that it may be too late to have another baby ( not sure I want anothet but would be good to have the option.)
Also I wish I looked like the beautiful young girls I worked with ...but with my knowledge now!
Yes, i know the patriarchy makes us fear aging so how do i embrace it?

OP, what is it about your young colleagues that you envy? What advantages do you think their youthful beauty gives them? I'll bet that for every Maleficent who envies them there are 20 spiteful young guys who call them dogs and pigs and hoes, plus an equal number of dirty old lechers who try to pry into these girls' private lives and gently neg them about being 21 and not married yet: "You'd better not leave it too late, baby, 'cos you'll you'll be all washed up by 30." (Sub-text: If you don't have a boyfriend then you should be having sex with me, because that is what you silly young trollops are for -- to serve men's needs.)

Seriously, do you want that sort of attention? I remember it all too well, like being picked over like the last of the lettuces on market day.

I also bet that younger women are looking at you and thinking "Maleficent's got it all -- children, marriage, career, a hot bod and her own distinctive style. People treat women her age with respect because they are proper grown-ups. No way would anyone dare to dish the crap to Maleficent. She'd wipe the floor with them. I wish I could skip this stage and go straight to where she's at."

Botox isn't my thing but if you want it and can afford it, why not try it out? If it's not quite right don't get it again.

I also bet that younger women are looking at you and thinking "Maleficent's got it all... I wish I could skip this stage and go straight to where she's at."

Oh come on groovergirl, don't patronise us. No young person is looking at an older women and wishing they could skip their life and be that age!

I am 36 and I am sad about being old. If I am sad at this age, I worry how I will be in my forties and fifties

@groovergirl

OP, what is it about your young colleagues that you envy? What advantages do you think their youthful beauty gives them? I'll bet that for every Maleficent who envies them there are 20 spiteful young guys who call them dogs and pigs and hoes, plus an equal number of dirty old lechers who try to pry into these girls' private lives and gently neg them about being 21 and not married yet: "You'd better not leave it too late, baby, 'cos you'll you'll be all washed up by 30." (Sub-text: If you don't have a boyfriend then you should be having sex with me, because that is what you silly young trollops are for -- to serve men's needs.)

Seriously, do you want that sort of attention? I remember it all too well, like being picked over like the last of the lettuces on market day.

I also bet that younger women are looking at you and thinking "Maleficent's got it all -- children, marriage, career, a hot bod and her own distinctive style. People treat women her age with respect because they are proper grown-ups. No way would anyone dare to dish the crap to Maleficent. She'd wipe the floor with them. I wish I could skip this stage and go straight to where she's at."

No offense to the OP or anyone else but no I was not thinking that (your last paragraph) of older people or anyone else, I was just happy with me the way I was the same as I am happy with myself now as an 'older' person

I have never looked at other people and thought they had it all and I was missing out on something? or the other way around I find your last paragraph a bit weird to be honest

Well obviously I'd like to have my old skin back again and people who've died, but aside from that I'm lucky to be alive.

I am just delighted to have the privilege of getting older and enjoying my beautiful children. I know a fair few people now taken awfully early and I find it heart breaking. I hope to live as long as possible to see my family grow up and spend time with my DH - life passes in a flash, who the fuck cares if there are a few grey hairs and wrinkles along the way.

Oh come on groovergirl, don't patronise us. No young person is looking at an older women and wishing they could skip their life and be that age!

I'm not patronising you. When I was 20 my object of envy was a 38yo colleague who was the epitome of cool and had the powerful males in the office paying court at her desk. I wanted to look and act like her. My friends and I were much happier in our 30s. Youth doesn't suit everybody; for some of us, our "moment" comes later. I'd like to go back to 40, when I looked and felt my best. Enjoy 42, OP; it's a good age.

@groovergirl I would like to be young again, but only because I think women are made to feel old, and a disaster and failing and undesirable the minute they get older.

It is interesting because it is definitely the people around us who make us feel old/ tell us we are old.

I am 36. Earlier this year, I was living In Ireland. Men were telling me that I was old. People were telling me that I was a failure for being single and having no kids. I began to FEEL really old, and that I was a failure and I had nothing to look forward to.

Come the second half of the year, I am now backpacking around Mexico at the moment. I feel young, I feel great at 36. Because I don't have anyone around me telling me that I am kld.

*old

@TSSDNCOP

Denial.

I am ageless.

👌

@Sarahpaula

I am 36 and I am sad about being old. If I am sad at this age, I worry how I will be in my forties and fifties

You'll be bloody miserable do enjoy being young now!!!!!!

So!

I am way too lazy to have skin care routine or do anything about my ageing appearance. Luckily I have reasonably good genes for looking young (and I'm pretty short) so sometimes get mistaken for being younger. I feel worried about when my hair goes grey that I will hate it, but be too lazy to do anything meaningful about it! 😂

However I think telling someone who struggles with how they look to "embrace it" and not GAF, or feel it's a privilege is an easy off the cuff remark....but not as easy to change your mindset.
I am fairly dissatisfied when parts of my figure. I am fit and not overweight but just feel very unhappy with certain areas. I cant immediately start loving my figure because other people tell me it's great, or I should be grateful that I can walk etc. (I am grateful I am so far in good health....but it's still possible to be unhappy with aspects of your appearance)

@lunalulu I don't think that I am old at 36. It is men that keep telling me that I am really old at 36.

Men told me that I was old when I was thirty.

So this is just another way that men make us feel bad - they tell us that we are declining and useless over 30, when actually we are powerful ,magnificent and brilliant in our thirties, forties, fifties etc

I am going to try to stop listening to the men around me

I am happy, healthy and loved - why would I care that I am 64? Life is just bloody great and I just want it to go on forever. I have lost too many friends to worry about how old I am.

As long as you are lucky to be in good health and be physically fit with no aches and pains then getting older is no problem. Yes, your face and body age, but if you stay slim and fit it's easier to cope with. I'm 55, do a lot of sport, live in skinny jeans and trainers when not running. I have a physical job and cope with that easily at the moment fo everything is fine. Unfortunately the menopause is ruining my hair and the lines on my face are increasing each year but DH loves me like that so no problem there either.

I'm in two minds about aging. On one hand I agreed that getting older is a privilege that a great many people don't get to experience but on the other hand I do find it hard to see myself changing physically.
I try and tow a line between the two by having some wrinkles but having Botox on others. Am also in the process of going grey and growing out all the old colour.
I don't expect to do Botox forever and I kind of wish I cared less but I don't.
You definitely can't tell I've had it done, I just look less tired. It makes me feel good so for me it's worth it.

@Hingeandbracket

I cope with it by not giving a fuck.

Yes, this. Also what someone else said about it being better than the alternative.

42 is still young to me.

At 60, I still feel 25 in my heart. I still remember fondly staying up all night to watch the dawn rise on the Thames. The excitement of the new and living life. Some of the exciting things have become old friends and like mine, their edge has mellowed. It is a good thing to look back without regret.

My outside is pretty ok as I blessed with good skin and teeth and spend a lot on my hair. I could do with losing a stone and weight is a struggle now. There's the first niggle or arthritis and I have osteoporosis but all well managed.

There would be something about going back to 25 knowing what I know now but then life wouldn't have been such an adventure. If I look back, I say there's something about pacing. At 43, so a similar age to the OP, I had just returned to part-time work and was run ragged with pick ups and drop offs and keeping stuff sorted, especially as that was the time when DH was hardly ever home. But the pace slowed as the youngest started secondary - I was 50 then - and there was time for me.

For Autumn

I agree with not giving a fuck.

The young people you envy now will all end up in the same boat - barring the tragedy of early death, which few would choose in preference to ageing..

I don't love ageing - grey hair, wrinkles, etc - who does? But I try to think of it politically: why do we live in a society where we don't value older people? There's nothing intrinsic about wrinkles being bad or unattractive, except in that they denote a woman no longer fertile, and hopefully we've gone beyond that being a woman's value in our society? I prefer to think that society is wrong rather than my body and face.

Botox isn't going to stop your tits drooping, your eyes becoming short sighted or hot flushes during menopause. In 20-30 years it won't stop you getting aching joints, or worrying about falls or loss of memory. As a culture we really need to have less focus on messing around with our faces to pretend to be younger than we are, and just celebrate what is good about the different stages of life, while being supportive of what is difficult. I know we're suppose to say "your face, your choice", but I think when people choose to look artificially younger than they are it impacts on wider attitudes to ageing.

It's all relative.

Depressing that 36 year olds on this thread say they're old!
I'm 47. To my mother, 75, I'm young. She'd love that time back.

I have two main annoyances, my eyesight started going after 43 and now need variofocals. I'm possibly perimenopaysal and can't sleep, but that's another thread.

Sometimes I feel invisible due to the way society portrays 'middle aged women'. You've only got to look at the sexist and ageist term 'Karen' for that. Do I want to add to that and link my 'worth' to looks? To the ability to 'hold court' with the men in the office? No chance!

I don’t cope, just accept it and get on with things. I really don’t want to be stressing about my looks as a woman in her twenties when I can enjoy all the freedom of not giving a hoot that the 40s bring.

Listen to me, don’t waste your fabulous 40s worrying like someone in her late 20s early 30s.

I don't think that I am old at 36. It is men that keep telling me that I am really old at 36

I'm assuming these are not 20 year old 'men' but are around your age? In which case I hope you tell them what outrageous, hypocritical, sexist, cheeky fuckers they are.