How to reject men?

[lhmua12]

Long story short, I don’t currently have a useable car so have started to take public transport (namely trains)

Men at stations frequently approach me. I find it tedious as I’m not interested. It’s not flattering; I’d rather be left alone. I’m nothing special - these men probably target me as I travel alone to/from work. I’m not interested in men that I don’t know from Adam; particularly as these men tend to be significantly older than me, or unattractive to the extent that I would otherwise avoid them (ie lack of hygiene/sloppily dressed/guzzling alcohol at 8am.) Some are creepy and stare or follow me and shout insults after I ignore them or decline a date/exchange of details

What’s the safest way to reject men? I’m worried about them turning nasty. I tend to just say I have a boyfriend, but a man yesterday was really persistent regardless. I’m considering just getting taxis to work even though it will rinse me dry

@hereyehearye there is no train staff on the tube... what do you do then?

@CorianderLord

@hereyehearye there is no train staff on the tube... what do you do then?

Get to the next station and pull the emergency stop. I'd also say to the guy, if you don't stop harassing me, I'm pressing the emergency stop because I feel unsafe. In the tube station, press the emergency button or even call the police. I'm a big fan of consequences.

@IncandescentSilver Mon 21-Sep-20 16:48:45
You mistake me Hearyehearye I was dropping with aggression in every single instance that I mentioned. Don't kid yourself that men cannot recognise aggression in a woman and choose to pick on an easier target.

I retesting that you assumed I was being "passive aggressive" just because I'm a woman. I was giving a none top subtle warning that there would be repercussions if not left alone.

In real life, you would not make that mistake

You were being passive aggressive. If I'm ever trapped in an alleyway with a man with a knife, I'll start rustling crisp packets or tell him I'm married or whatever silly passive aggressive strategies women here use. But in a well lit, well populated area with protection officers literally at the end of a button, I'll just say no. The police aren't just there to look cute walking down the road. You can call them. And the reality is that if someone is a stranger to you, they will always take it more seriously than if someone is your boyfriend.

I affected a resting bitchy face. Used to get approached by all sorts, RBF dropped this to almost zero, including charity muggers. God send.

Learning a few lines of "oh I'm so sorry I don't speak English" in a language uncommon to the area can also be really effective - they don't take offense if rather than reject them you were just too foreign to date them. 😂

@ladykuga

In a childlike voice just say "my mummy and daddy said I mustn't talk to strange men".

I read Derren Brown’s book a while back in which he detailed a tactic for getting out of difficult situations, which a friend of his used when he was mugged at a train station, which is - simply - behaving oddly and conspicuously. For example, his friend - when met with the demand for money - burst into loud song. The idea being that it’s (a) embarrassing and attention-drawing and (b) makes you seem a bit unhinged.

I used something similar myself (in a slightly less public place) when I was being hassled by a man. I plastered on the weirdest smile possible and started to tell him over-excitedly about how I have been collecting pencil erasers since I was seven and I now have over two thousand of them, and started describing each one in detail. He buggered off before I got to number three.

Singing ‘Polly Put the Kettle On’ in a slightly disembodied voice whilst staring at them intensely works too.

I’ve heard.

61016 I think is the British transport police number to text if you're being harassed. Give them the carriage number.

In increasing levels of loudness-
‘No thank you, I’m not interested’
‘No’
‘Please leave me alone’
‘You are making me uncomfortable, go away’

Generally saying the last one loud enough to be in ear shot of others tends to embarrass them into leaving.

Tbh though I tend to be polite to start with, there is nothing wrong with a man speaking to a woman if he is polite.
I’m happy to make small talk to start with, then I usually say, ‘excuse me/you take care’ and turn away/walk away etc

Going in all guns blazing is not always sensible.

I’ll tell you how the ‘pushing the emergency button’ goes-
BTP: it’s a serious offence to push the button and can result in a fine.
Me: I was being harassed by a stranger
BTP: Did he attack you?
Me: No
BTP: was he rude/aggressive?
Me: No
BTP: so he was just making small talk with you? Why didn’t you just ignore him?
(Thinking- what an overreaction. Causing an emergency stop, disrupting transport, calling the police just because some guy asked how her day was)

Years ago I was on a train with my elderly grandmother and a group (both men and women) got on, so drunk they could barely stand. One of the women collapsed basically on top of me and started crying and asking me for romantic advice (?) and her friends tried to pull her off, it turned into a huge scuffle between them, we both wound up with our possessions damaged. I tried to hit the emergency stop and two of the women physically manhandled me and dislocated my wrist trying to get me away from the stop.

When the guard came he was completely dismissive, said he had no power to either remove them from the train or even ask them to go into a different compartment, and that our only choice was to call the police in which case we’d all have to get off the train at the next station (tiny rural station in the middle of nowhere late at night) and wait for the police, which would have meant us probably being stranded in some random village overnight and probably having to spend hundreds on a taxi and hotel.

Never would I bother trying to alert guards again. They don’t give a shit.

hearyehearyeno, I wasn't being "passive aggressive". You are however are trying to be controlling, and it isn't working. I went and sat next to the man and scared him into moving off and leaving me alone.

I literally have a series of examples prior to that in which I verbally challenged the men in question so that they left me alone.

Quit with your projection, and look out for yourself more (and not just for imaginary knives) - it certainly sounds as though you need to learn to be able to stand up for yourself when not hiding behind a keyboard.

You need to cultivate a 'don't even think about it vibe'. Stand straight, take up space, walk with purpose and resting bitch face. Don't look timid in any way.