How to reject men?

[lhmua12]

Long story short, I don’t currently have a useable car so have started to take public transport (namely trains)

Men at stations frequently approach me. I find it tedious as I’m not interested. It’s not flattering; I’d rather be left alone. I’m nothing special - these men probably target me as I travel alone to/from work. I’m not interested in men that I don’t know from Adam; particularly as these men tend to be significantly older than me, or unattractive to the extent that I would otherwise avoid them (ie lack of hygiene/sloppily dressed/guzzling alcohol at 8am.) Some are creepy and stare or follow me and shout insults after I ignore them or decline a date/exchange of details

What’s the safest way to reject men? I’m worried about them turning nasty. I tend to just say I have a boyfriend, but a man yesterday was really persistent regardless. I’m considering just getting taxis to work even though it will rinse me dry

Christ i had all this right through my teens on good old London Transport. 'Specially on the tube.

Chatted up by dirty old men, propositioned, leered at, followed, verbally abused, flashed at, felt up, erections pressed into me when all standing in the carriages.

The way i escaped was by passing my driving test.

And it's the reason i moved my young DDs away from London and into the countryside and got them to learn to drive asap.

It's so bloody depressing.

You mistake me Hearyehearye I was dropping with aggression in every single instance that I mentioned. Don't kid yourself that men cannot recognise aggression in a woman and choose to pick on an easier target.

I retesting that you assumed I was being "passive aggressive" just because I'm a woman. I was giving a none top subtle warning that there would be repercussions if not left alone.

In real life, you would not make that mistake

I usually have headphones on when they try to speak to me I just shake my head - stations and trains tend to have people around so I'm not too worried tbh! I can see they get angry about the fact I won't engage sometimes but I can't hear what they area saying as I have my music on!

Or if I don't have the headphones I usually just simply say I don't want to talk to you and walk away!

I don't believe they need to be told that I have a partner or whatever - that's irrelevant!

I hate these kind of men - and feel they should be called out and told no

Agree with PP, resting bitch face and standing up straight; walking fast and purposefully.

If they approached me in my younger years I would say loudly “leave me alone” and move to the nearest group of people. If I was alone with a man, I’d say I had a husband or was waiting for my dad to collect me and then get away ASAP.

Now I’m late thirties and have developed a teacher-like telling-off tone. I usually say something like “excuse me, did you mean to be so rude as to approach someone minding their own business? Do you realise you come across as a complete creep? Leave me alone before I call the police.” They are usually so shocked by my authoritative tone and complete sentences they back away quickly. If they are younger (twenties or teens) I tend to say loudly “does your mummy know you’re out? She’ll be expecting you home for lunch/dinner/bedtime soon”. They always scarper at that one!

Only works if you’re older though as they can sense the vulnerability of younger women a mile off.

Don’t engage and move swiftly away...always worked for me when young, hot and travelling alone! Don’t be a victim.

There is no way for a woman to reject a man that won’t result in an angry man, unfortunately. A wedding ring helps a bit.

Slight tangent but do read what this guy did when he saw a creep harassing a woman on the train - you have to be a guy to get away with it but what a hero...

www.chrisbrecheen.com/2013/07/changing-creepy-guy-narrative.html?m=1

There is no way for a woman to reject a man that won’t result in an angry man, unfortunately

there is no way for a man to reject a twat that won't result in an angry twat unfortunately.

"Have you heard the word of our savior Jesus Christ?"

Some men may be chancers, some may be downright danger...that's why I say, don't be personal when you reject them. Don't be rude. Don't say you're pregnant, if he sees you every day at the station, he could turn nasty if he realises you lied. Don't say you're a lesbian...he could be abusive or see it as a challenge. Don't completely ignore him...this may make him angry.

It's hideous women have to think like this but from my experience, you want to get rid of him as quickly and safely as possible.

Sorry I'm married and don't engage further if possible

“What you’re doing is sexual harassment, if you would like to continue I can call the police. Otherwise be on your way fucktard”

Or something like that.

An absolute fail safe is to cross one eye and speak with a distinct lisp, call you mum and say “MUM, IVE FOUND MYSELTH A HUTHBAND!” Then start uncontrollably crying.

Before I married and had kids I had issues like this with being approached by some very toward men... who also got pissed off and a bit nasty when I said no.

Autumn and winter it actually got better as I was hidden under a big coat, boots and scarf!

I used to hide myself and blend in as much as possible.

One time I was followed for about half a mile down the road (I was only 17 at the time, just got my first full time job and was walking home)
I could see and feel the man getting closer and closer until he tapped me on the shoulder and tried to get my number for the next 10 minutes, getting more and more pushy and slightly wind up until I walked into a Tesco express and rang my dad to come and get me. A lovely worker also stepped in to make sure the guy wasn't hanging around outside.

If possibly stand near other people or a worker or even a shop. These men don't like being over heard.

@cranberryx

"Have you heard the word of our savior Jesus Christ?"

Haha this is brilliant!

A had a friend who drunkenly gave a guy her number (this was one of those times you give them the right number so they don’t check it and get annoyed it’s wrong) and when he text her the next day she text back and said sorry but she doesn’t chat while Songs Of Praise is on he never msged back!

I have to say I never have been stopped much by guys in public, and certainly not since I turned 40 thankfully, but I have actually told them no thanks and never had any snap at me and turn nasty, so I'm not convinced we need to be as scared of that as is often put out. Not denying it can happen, but it's not a given.

'Sorry, I just want to read my book'
'Sorry, I'm just chilling out on my own thanks' worked OK for me

@IncandescentSilver - can we be friends? I actually laughed out loud at the crisp packet story

How did a "how to reject men" thread turn into a pity party for men by a bunch of posters instead?

Madness.

Wear earphones and pretend your on the phone

I used to pretend to be deaf and do some sign language at them. It used to work great, I'd often get an apology and they never bothered to shout after me, because they thought I wouldn't be able to hear them.

A young woman who was around 19, was sat minding her own business on a fairly quiet train when a man sat next to her ( plenty of empty seats to choose from ) and tried to chat her up.
She slowly turned her head towards him with a hard state, turned it away again and started slowly rocking back and forth while humming.
Stopped, turned slowly towards him again, giggled then went back to rocking and humming.
That man couldn't get away far enough or fast enough.
The young woman then winked at me and said ' works every time '.
I fell about laughing.

Thanks for the replies, I read them all. The coughing suggestion gave me a laugh!! Wish that would work but I doubt these sorts would care

Funnily enough I am already obsessed with my phone to the extent of being anti social! I definitely don’t make eye contact. I always have AirPods in and wear sunglasses, none of it puts them off! Yesterday a man started waving in my face to get my attention 🙃 I said “no, I have a boyfriend” to his date request and then he was like “doesn’t your boyfriend let you have friends then?” and kept asking me questions until the train arrived. Beyond annoying

My local station is small & unstaffed, no ticket barriers either so anyone can come in and loiter.

Yeah there might be a reason why these men approach me often. I think I look friendly/approachable unfortunately (eg people always ask me for help/directions). I’m short so no matter how bitchy I look, I never actually look intimating. I’ll have to work on being more assertive and just looking more intolerant of bullshit.

Annoying that women/girls have to deal with this.

Pretend to be asleep?

(just don't miss your train)

Wear a mask at the station?

I completely blank them until they leave me alone and if they don't leave me alone I say 'Sorry, I'm married'.

The problem with saying 'no, I have a boyfriend' is that these idiots take the boyfriend as a reason for the rejection- it's easier and more effective (in my experience) just to say 'no' or if they are are waving their hands in your face (the dicks) just say 'stop that, leave me alone'.

Like you I'm also a short arse and look approachable, and it did take me a while to learn to give off the 'don't even start' vibes. I find it difficult to be rude to people, but it is more than possible to be firm and clear without being rude. Saying no to a man is never rude

Tbh I'm too scared when men are accosting me on train platforms to be rude because I'm scared they'll push me in front of the train. So I'm polite and say I'm married.