How to reject men?

[lhmua12]

Long story short, I don’t currently have a useable car so have started to take public transport (namely trains)

Men at stations frequently approach me. I find it tedious as I’m not interested. It’s not flattering; I’d rather be left alone. I’m nothing special - these men probably target me as I travel alone to/from work. I’m not interested in men that I don’t know from Adam; particularly as these men tend to be significantly older than me, or unattractive to the extent that I would otherwise avoid them (ie lack of hygiene/sloppily dressed/guzzling alcohol at 8am.) Some are creepy and stare or follow me and shout insults after I ignore them or decline a date/exchange of details

What’s the safest way to reject men? I’m worried about them turning nasty. I tend to just say I have a boyfriend, but a man yesterday was really persistent regardless. I’m considering just getting taxis to work even though it will rinse me dry

Earphones, stare off into the distance (I use to pretend that the announcement board was fascinating), stand by staff or other people, use a loud clear voice to tell them to stop hassling you, report to station staff or BTP.

Is it the same men all the time? Have you tried standing elsewhere, nearer the ticket office until the train is due or other people for support? If it is regular speak to the staff about feeling unsafe.

In a childlike voice just say "my mummy and daddy said I mustn't talk to strange men".

@Newnamenewopenme

I hate men that are like this! It’s worse when they then claim they only wanted to be your friend as if trying to make out they were never interested and don’t know why you knocked them back.

Yes, this. And I'm also starting to get a bit tired of people telling me that 11 year old boys and 11 year old girls are at equal risk if out by themselves. Except, you know, it's far more often that the pre-teen girl will be approached by a man who makes inappropriate suggestions and who, when she rejects him etc will start banging on about he he was just being friendly and there's no need to be rude etc etc.

@lhmua12 - start coughing! 😉
(I know it’s not a long term solution but during this pandemic might help more than anything 🤞)

You're being harassed in train stations and you can report that to the transport police. Please don't feel like it's not important enough to report, they will be on CCTV and are likely doing it to others.

In terms of rejecting men, I find the most effective way is to just say no/no thanks, in an uninterested tone, then ignore. You don't have to explain or give an excuse to them. If harassers sense that you are uncomfortable or feel guilty it opens the door to more, so even though it's easier said than done try not to give them a reaction.

And I'm also starting to get a bit tired of people telling me that 11 year old boys and 11 year old girls are at equal risk if out by themselves

clearly you haven't got an 11 year old son yourself then.

Men don’t like being rejected, anytime I’ve rejected men and I’ve rejected the majority who have approached me I’ve been subject to insults and abuse afterwards. Even men who I considered friends thought nothing of calling me a bitch or trying to humiliate me somehow after I turned them down, no matter how gently I tried to do so.

Buy a cheap ring and just point to it and say you're married.

Develop Resting Bitch Face. I have it. It is amazing. OK, sometimes it means "cheer up love, it might never happen" comes my way, but then you move into Active Bitch Face and they quail.

Personally I'd say don't tell them to fuck off..they could turn nasty. Also don't say you're a lesbian like a pp said. Some of these wankers will get off on that, some will be abusive and some will see it as a challenge. You want to get rid of them as quickly and easily and safely as possible. Hence why say you're married.

Headphones, book, fake wedding ring, pretend not to notice them for as long as possible, resting bitch face.

Sad that it is necessary but it does work.

And I'm also starting to get a bit tired of people telling me that 11 year old boys and 11 year old girls are at equal risk if out by themselves.

11 year old girls are at greater risk of sexual harassment and assault. 11 year old boys are at greater risk of non sexualised physical violence. I don't think the variation in the types of violence and abuse they are at risk of translates as 11 year old boys being less at risk overall.

Many years ago when I was a young hottie, I found that reading the print version of The Economist seemed to put off a lot of the leery chancers.

It has the added advantage of meaning you read some of the articles, which tend to be excellent.

Don’t engage at all, don’t speak. Just walk away or pretend to look at you phone.

If they get nothing at all back there is no ongoing conversation possibilities.

I do headphones and pretending I can't hear anyone, plus no eye contact. I also have a ring that isn't an engagement ring, but could look like one with a squint, that I always wear on my ring finger anyway, so I have resorted to to pointing at that.

I told a man to stop harrassing me in a shop once because he was being overbearing and weird, and he shouted at me for 30 seconds about accusing him of being a rapist while 2 other men avoided eye contact and did nothing, so I totally understand the reluctance to just be upfront!

@unmarkedbythat

Develop Resting Bitch Face. I have it. It is amazing. OK, sometimes it means "cheer up love, it might never happen" comes my way, but then you move into Active Bitch Face and they quail.

Yes, do this!

Men like this are like jackals; they hang around the edges of society preying on those they think are an easy mark. If you are clearly a bitch they won't approach you, or will back away quickly if they do. You don't owe them politeness, just say a bored "No." with a clear full stop and go back to your phone, or walk to a more populated area.

Is this while waiting on platform for your train?
They are picking you - probably because you are one of the few people that they are able to make eye contact with and thats why they start on you. So I would make myself unapproachable - headphones even if off, a book/magazine or phone even if I am not actively reading - so it looks like I am while I am away with my thoughts.
If walking then same approach as with beggars - walk past and don't make eye contact.
If anyone was to intrude with an unsolicited comment I would most likely ignore. If they physically tried to dominate I would walk away and search out an 'official'...
Do not engage - then you don't have to think of the 'right' answer

Agree with the above - RBF, no eye contact.

I would also try to stand within the main 'group' of commuters waiting, rather than standing on your own. Or at least near a normal-looking man, someone who might possibly interject if you were clearly in trouble. That should make them think twice and also help you to feel a bit safer.

I feel left out and ugly😂. The only people who ever randomly approach me at stations are asking for change.

'Sorry, no' and walking away does it

Do you have tablet/kindle/phone and ear phones. Absorb yourself in those and if they persist past that, walk/move away as soon as they approach.

Trains and public swimming pools seem to be the places that attract the most wierdos who think these locations are ideal spots to "approach women". Perhaps they feature in some guide for sad losers with no social skills to ask for dates - who knows?

Anyway, loudness and confidence are your friends. The following always work well for me:

"What on earth do you want?" With the emphasis on the word "want"

"Can you please just leave me alone?" (if I'm feeling nice)

"Why do you want to know that?", if asked a stupid question in their attempt to strike up an unwanted conversation

On younger wierdos, "get out my fucking way" seems to be particularly effective for some reason

• General wierdness. A man on an isolated train carriage kept staring at me from the seats opposite once and then moved to sit opposite me. I was enraged, all I had to hand was an empty crisp bag in my pocket, so I sat next to him, and started scrunching the crisp bag close to his ear, while singing quietly to myself and pretending not to be bothered. He soon moved off, muttering in a self wounded sort of way, in fact he completely left the carriage!

And stuff the no eye contact, head down thing - I find that staring them out works equally well.

If there was a single safe way to reject men, the world would be a very different place.

@SantaClaritaDiet

And I'm also starting to get a bit tired of people telling me that 11 year old boys and 11 year old girls are at equal risk if out by themselves

clearly you haven't got an 11 year old son yourself then.

I do in fact. Well, 10 year old. And yes, I have no doubt that he will be more at risk from random violence etc. But this particular type of sexualised sense of entitlement from men is something girls and women are particularly at risk of. We don't hear men on train platforms saying they're worried about being hit on/attacked etc. But it's not unusual for women. and it's certainly not unusual for younger women.

SpaceOP

Even my 6ft tall rugby-player BIL got threatened with a knife and ordered to give his wallet and his phone on a station platform within the M25.
Just because YOU don't hear about a particular risk doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and an 11 year old is a little child, not a man!

It's socially acceptable for girls and women to express fear, not boys and men. It's as usual for both to feel the same way.

Very well summarised by unmarkedbythat