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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help - other people's screaming children; what to do?

312 replies

Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 11:52

I live in a terraced house in London. Our street is quite noisy before midnight, but I usually get up for work at around 7.00, so I can go to sleep around 12-ish, avoid the noise on the street waking me up, get 7 hours, and that is fine.

A couple of weeks ago, our neighbours told me and dp that they are swapping bedrooms with their children (2yrs old and 3 yrs old) so that the children can have a bigger room. The children's new room is on the other side of mine and dp's bedroom wall.

The swap has obviously happened because I have been woken up before 5.00am 3 times in the last week by the 2 year old screaming for his mummy. The parents now sleep in the back bedroom the other side of the house and can't hear anything (I assume they can't; our back bedroom is v quiet and quite far from our bedroom).

I haven't been able to get back to sleep after the 2 year old's screaming has woken me up. I have no children, but am expecting my first in Feb and am more tired than usual anyway at the moment. My reduced sleep from the early wake up calls is making me exhausted and it's interfering with my work.

So, my question is how to deal with this: should I say something to the parents next door (and if so, what), or just put up with it? The neighbours also have a 7 month old baby, but her crying hasn't woken me up before; I can only assume that it is the 2 year old's stronger lungs that are the problem.

All advice welcome.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 17:40

possetwiper - because I am not expecting them to take responsibility for a crying child; the issue is their moving a crying child into the room next to mine and it consequently allowing me very little sleep when they must know I can hear him.

OP posts:
RubyShivers · 09/10/2007 17:41

they aren't doing it to piss you off you know!

possetwiper · 09/10/2007 17:41

me me me lordy I wouldn't like to be your neighbour

possetwiper · 09/10/2007 17:42

anyway stepping away now before I type something I may regret or (the excitement ) get deleted

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 17:42

They only have 1 bedroom that is next to any of our bedrooms and they put the crying child in that. It just feels a bit much.

OP posts:
RubyShivers · 09/10/2007 17:42

Bessie - do you have any sympathy for them trying to cope on sleepless nights?

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 17:45

Look you're obviously not going to be happy (either through lack of sleep or pg hormones) until you go and talk to them

so go and talk to them

then come back and tell us what they said

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 17:46

Ruby - I see that as a different issue. And I don't see why my working life should be jeapordised and that's fine because they have children.

OP posts:
cornsilk · 09/10/2007 17:46

My neighbour complained to us about the noise my ds's make. He is right, they are noisy, but they were just being normal children. We didn't take it well, we were very upset, although he doesn't know it and although we are on good terms with him at the back of my mind it's always there that I think he is an unreasonable little man.

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 17:47

Twigortreat - I am just trying to respond to some posters' allegations that I am a terrible person because I think people have a responsibility to others, whether they have children or not.

I am going to wait another week and see how things go. I am also going to try ear plugs again.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 09/10/2007 17:48

My Dh's working life is disrupted because my new neighbours have noisy fecking dogs.....

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 17:48

Cornsilk - they make a LOT of noise during the day, but I never complain about that because it is just noise; it's a bit irritating but it doesn't disturb me particularly. However, if I can't sleep on a school night, that has a huge impact on me at the mo.

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 09/10/2007 17:49

blimey, what a belter, ive missed this one!!

It is a bit shit that you are having disturbed sleep - believe me, it could be good training. I remember once a neighbour at our old house knocked on the door one day when my mum was babysitting and asked if the baby could be kept quiet during the day as she worked nights!! Luckily for her, i wasnt in!

I haven't read any of the threads apart from the last few and the OP but i can really see two sides of this. How long has the child been in the next room? It could be that the change of rooms has disturbed her and she is off kilter and it will settle. The thing is, i should imagine that the parents probably dont relish being woken at 5am either so i would have thought if they could do.
something about it they might have already tried. I can't imagine the house is so big that they cannot hear her.

I bet they havent even realised this is disturbing you, but the question is, should you say anything? I guess that depends on your relationship with your neighbours. Personally i would just invest in some ear plugs for now as i suspect this is going to be a transient problem. If you are really good friends with them, you could say, oh, is little jimmy upset with moving to the new room as he seems to be having some disturbed nights. That way, you get the message across that is disturbing you without it coming across that you are complaining.

RubyShivers · 09/10/2007 17:49

FWIW i commuted and worked long hours when PG
i now am a full time WOHM mum
my working life is compromised now due to my lack of sleep etc etc
i am not being unsympathetic to your tiredness
but sounds like you are being unsympathetic to them

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 17:50

Nobody thinks you are a terrible person

I think you are knackered and pregnant and cross

the problem is in responding to various comments (which are all of the same ilk) you are beginning to sound a little petulant and stubborn and it becomes a vicious circle of people thinking you aren't listenting to the general thrust of the thread

I cannot blame you for being pissed off at your lack of sleep though ..

OrmIrian · 09/10/2007 17:50

'my working life being jeopardised' ?

Well there goes my sympathy.......

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 17:51

Oh yes, I'm sure they moved their children into their new room expressly to put the crying child next to you.

You are being wholly unreasonable.

Actually, I remember a similar thread to this not so long ago and everyone agreed the neighbour was being unreasonable. Of course the difference was that,in that case, it was the neighbour who was complaining about a child crying.

Please go to your neighbours and suggest they move their children back into the smaller room so you can get a good night's sleep. I'm sure they'll happily oblige.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 09/10/2007 17:51

Agree Orm.

lucyellensmum · 09/10/2007 17:52

Twigor, you're terrible you are good idea though, go and have it out with them and come back and tell us how many swear words she used when she told you to go away!

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 17:53

A little way through this thread I suddenly thought, "this is a joke, she's a namechanger deliberately winding us up". So I searched on your name and was surprised to see that you weren't.

miobombino · 09/10/2007 17:55

Oh dear Bessie; touch paper has been lit now !

We can all read, even those of us forced into an early start to our day. We can also read that you used the following phrases:

  1. "what to do ?" consensus overall= do nothing
  2. "how to deal with this" again, do nothing
  3. "all advice welcome" except it's not, really.

That aside, sleep deprivation is maddening and depressing. But in the scheme of things, focussing your frustration on what your neighbours are doing about their toddler's sleeping arrangements isn't going to help you or them.

People have tried to describe to you what it's like to be disturbed by your own child hour after hour through the night often for months or years on end, sometimes in circumstances where sleeping from midnight until 5am would be a madly aspirational dream rather than anybody's nightmare. But it's like trying to describe to a singleton child what it's like to be a twin, or telling a blind person what Mount Everest looks like. Impossible.

Don't take it the wrong way; I'm trying to help. But what I really think you should do for your own sanity is to turn this situation around and reprogramme yourself into thinking that 5 hours unbroken sleep is such a blessing, how lucky you are etc.,; you're going to miss it when your dc arrives.

And if environmental health can't do anything about the street noise I'd seriously consider moving. You could at least actively avoid students/pubs/firestations/restaurants and the like, if not other people's children through party walls.

CaptainUnderpants · 09/10/2007 17:55

You will know when your working life is jepordies when ( or if ) you go back to work after having baby and have been up all night due to teething , illness etc etc.

You have lost alot of sympathy by coming across as totally selfish and having no idea what it is like to have one child , let along three like your neighbour !

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 17:57

I think if my pregnant-with-their-PFB came round to complain about my toddler keeping her awake in this manner, I'd stare in disbelief, go back inside and howl with laughter at them. Quietly, obviously, so they wouldn't hear.

And I'd drop "Has Baby been unsettled by something recently..." into conversation frequently thereafter.

bossykate · 09/10/2007 17:59
lucyellensmum · 09/10/2007 18:02

blimey, are we not being a tad harsh here, i dont think the op was particularly selfish. Lack of sleep makes one a tad unreasonable, and being pregnant to. I think that the op is backed into a corner and should quit while ahead to be totally honest.

i wouldnt want to be woken by my neigbours children on a regular basis, and i may even come here and moan on and say, my neighbours children are stealing my sleep. But i wouldnt say anything to them either. Children cry, tis what they do.

I hope it quietens down soon. Otherwise you could always invest in a sleep tank ala micheal jackson

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