Ignoring calls from nursery

[Fredup12]

My little boy has a cold (definitely a cold, not covid). I think he might be too poorly to go to nursery tomorrow because he’s still a bit chesty and has a runny nose. Both DH and I should be working from home tomorrow. DH says give calpol in the morning and then ignore any calls from nursery so we can get on with our work. He says if I answer nursery’s call and they say to collect him, then I have to look after him all day because he will be busy with work (even though I have work to do too). I don’t think its ok to take him in, and if we did we can’t ignore nursery’s calls. And I think we need to share the childcare between us. AIBU?

How dim can you get? What does he imagine will happen when they can't contact either of you?!

I just seem to have lost all confidence in my own opinions

I'm not surprised if your child's other parent assumes you should be doing the double shift because he is so much more important.

When did you last have some time out?

@BumbleFlump

What a shitty parent.

How you know it’s not Covid? Have you had a test?

The OP said so. ^^Up there.

Ha, x posted with krj. That's exactly what would happen.

What a prick!

Sorry OP just read his test was negative.

Your DH is still shitty though, not just as a parent but as a partner. How dare he say you’ll have to deal with your son. What an arse.

He’s a crap dad

@krj2608

I deal with safeguarding in a preschool. They would call all of your emergency contacts list. If they still cannot get hold of you social services would be contacted.

I do this too, this is what we'd do.

Tbh, it happens too regularly. IME the contacts are usually panicked initially but then not best pleased when they clock what's happened. I've witnessed more than one thirty something being dressed down by their very angry parent under these circumstances.

He’s an arsehole.. Keep your ds home and share the looking after.

Just ignore the nursery?! That’s pretty shitty.
Sending a poorly child into a care setting?! That’s pretty selfish.
Dosing the child up with calpol and leaving them there?! That’s pretty neglectful.
Demanding you look after the child so that he can work?! That’s pretty obnoxious.

He is being a dick.

I imagine he thinks that if he can't look after his child, and you refuse, nursery will quietly cope with the issue. As you know, they won't.

Who drops your child at nursery? If you, I'd drive there, ask nursery if they think you should keep him home, and then when they say yes, take him home. Say to your DH 'sorry, nursery wouldn't take him, he's too ill. But I have to take a call right now!'

And then go off to do your work if you can.

If that's not possible, or if you're more mature than me, then you need to sit him down and explain that a sick child needs caring for, and he needs to step the fuck up.

But personally, I would be very tempted to circumvent his nasty cheating plan by claiming nursery already refused to take your ill child at the door. Mine would.

Wow. What an absolute ass. You know, any illness with kids can develop into something more serious. There was one in the news around here a while back- five year old presented with a cold, developed into meningitis. Poor lad sadly died as they didn't recognise it quickly enough. Imagine the guilt if you ignored a call from nursery and your kid found himself in hospital with only his keyworker beside him. Broken arms, broken legs happen too... How can he be so complacent?

He’s a dick.

I honestly don’t understand why some people even have children.

@Fredup12

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your comments. I think I knew I wasn’t be unreasonable but I just seem to have lost all confidence in my own opinions.

This is a massive red flag to me. My ExH was a gaslighting, emotionally abusive twat, and this is how he used to make me feel. I would KNOW I was right, but he had this ability to make me doubt myself and think I was wrong. I would be very concerned about what else is going on here.

From a practical perspective are you able to think of alternative childcare? Eg if your both working FT then maybe a nanny might be better for you?

During this winter children are going to get a lot more colds and nurseries are going to be less lenient.

This could really start to escalate if you always having to look after him

@Facelikearustytractor

Plenty of people husband bashing here, which is understandable as it looks like that on the surface, but I suspect his employer and I them having unrealistic expectations about childcare is part of the problem too.

Perhaps - but he needs to push back on his employer in that scenario. If both parents share time off 50-50 then not only is it fair, and spreading the risk, but it changes expectations when men step up and say they are responsible for childcare as much as women. We’re in a pandemic where the usual back-up emergency childcare doesn’t really exist. If a father can’t make the case for a few hours working flexibly around their poorly child when already booked to WFH then it’s a fucking dismal show.

Just because it’s a shit conversation to have with your employer doesn’t mean you don’t have to have it. People do it all the time - mostly women, unfortunately.

What if they were calling to say your child had fallen and broken his leg? They could be calling for any reason.

He sounds horrible! Imagine expecting a little kid to go out to nursery and not be cared for at home when he’s ill. That’s just mean.

Never mind the germs spreading to all the other kids.

Also this:

Actually, tell him if you did that they'd contact whoever the emergency contact is, and you'll lose the place in the nursery when they realise they were ignored. So he sucks it up tomorrow or accepts sucking it up every day.

Because it’s correct.

I suspect my ex of ignoring school and nursery calls whenever they called him (I used to have a job where I had to have my phone off a lot of the time but he didn’t).

I've worked in childcare we know this 'trick' especially when drugged with ibuprofen so when we ring you can okay paracetamol.

It's a dick move in normal times, it's a super dick move now even with a negative test. It's not fair on the child, or the other children or the child's carers.

Your not so dear husband needs to grow the fuck up and take some responsibility.

Wow what an utter twat hope you dont listen to him your little boy needs you

Yeah I work at a nursery and our policy would literally be to phone every number we have (granny, auntie, anyone who ever does pick up - as we have their number and try get hold of you!
We could potentially report to social services too.

We once had parents ignore - child’s temp went dangerously high and we ended up calling an ambulance - social services got involved as we couldn’t Get hold of parents

Don’t do it

Crap father sorry

Another issue with sending in already dosed on calpol is the risk of him been given another dose - we wouldn’t give calpol without phoning for permission first - but if temp went very high we have to give it! Double dose could be very dangerous

If he’s had a test email the result and he will be able to attend.

However if he’s poorly enough to need calpol then he’s too poorly for nursery. Many nurseries are asking for them not to be given anything that can mask a temperature before they arrive.

As for ignoring calls. They will try all contacts and possibly social services if they can’t get hold if anyone to collect. Always answer a call from nursery - accidents can happen easily with young children.