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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ignoring calls from nursery

129 replies

Fredup12 · 20/09/2020 21:52

My little boy has a cold (definitely a cold, not covid). I think he might be too poorly to go to nursery tomorrow because he’s still a bit chesty and has a runny nose. Both DH and I should be working from home tomorrow. DH says give calpol in the morning and then ignore any calls from nursery so we can get on with our work. He says if I answer nursery’s call and they say to collect him, then I have to look after him all day because he will be busy with work (even though I have work to do too). I don’t think its ok to take him in, and if we did we can’t ignore nursery’s calls. And I think we need to share the childcare between us. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fredup12 · 20/09/2020 22:07

@Reddog1

I’m hoping for your sake that this is an aberration, that he’s not this awful generally. All the best, OP.
He’s very stressed about work (but he is often stressed about work).
OP posts:
hibbledibble · 20/09/2020 22:07

By chesty, do you mean a cough? If so, he can't go to nursery, and you all need to self isolate as a family, as per guidelines. You cannot be sure this is a cold.

Original poster
Fredup12 · 20/09/2020 22:07

@hibbledibble

By chesty, do you mean a cough? If so, he can't go to nursery, and you all need to self isolate as a family, as per guidelines. You cannot be sure this is a cold.
He’s had a negative test.
OP posts:
SqidgeBum · 20/09/2020 22:08

Dad of the year there 🙄 honestly, your DH is a top class dick. That's really bad.

The nursery shouldn't call for a runny nose, but if they do call you shouldn't ignore them.

Original poster
Fredup12 · 20/09/2020 22:09

@MomToTwoBabas

Wow. Guessing him and the child are not close seeing as he has no concern for him. Did he not want him?
He did want him. But I think the reality of having to put someone else first isn’t as he expected ☹️
OP posts:
namechanged8578318 · 20/09/2020 22:10

Your poor child 😢

MJMG2015 · 20/09/2020 22:10

DH is being totally out of line saying to ignore calls from the nursery!! & that if you don't, you have to look after DS.

However, do you have form for keeping DS home with every little sniffle? Or is DH generally uncaring re DS? It's not 'usual' for parents to disagree so strongly about whether a child is well enough to go to childcare or not & unless one of you had form, you should be working together tomorrow to juggle work & DS.

Hope the little sausage is feeling better in the morning.

How do you know it's definitely a cold. Has he been tested? If not there's no guarantee it's not Covid. Kids are testing positive with 'standard cold type symptoms'. Not to worry you, but you probably shouldn't be taking him to nursery.

airforsharon · 20/09/2020 22:10

So not only is his work more important than yours, he'd happily send a young, poorly child to nursery just to get him out of the way for the day?
He sounds nice OP :/

VimFuego101 · 20/09/2020 22:12

I assume they have a process to follow if neither parent answers the phone - either call an emergency contact if you have one listed, or your workplace, or social services. They won't just give up and take care of your sick child for the day.

Lindy2 · 20/09/2020 22:12

Your son's not well and needs to rest at home.

If you don't answer the phone the nursery will call whoever you gave as the next emergency contact.

If no one answers it could be recorded as a cause for concern with social services.

If they find out you deliberately sent him in I'll and decided to ignore their calls then they will terminate your nursery place.

Your DH's plan is stupid and neglectful of your child

NoSquirrels · 20/09/2020 22:12

We’re all stressed about work when we have to do emergency childcare. The difference between a good parent and a bad parent is prioritising your child when necessary, not your employer, no matter how inconvenient.

He takes a turn with childcare, and tells his employer he’ll need to work flexibly tomorrow because of caring responsibilities.

CeibaTree · 20/09/2020 22:17

So he wants nursery to call social services instead? What a dick. But if your son has had a negative covid-19 test why would the nursery be calling you to collect him?

MaeveDidIt · 20/09/2020 22:18

He would be far better off at home to recover and get well.
It is only for one day.
If you take him to nursery he will take longer to get better.
He will infect other kids with colds and how on earth are other parents and the nursery going to cope with that - i.e. not knowing if it's covid or just a normal cold.
I think both you and your husband need to think things through a bit better.

StarUtopia · 20/09/2020 22:18

His attitude was the type I hated when I had young ones in childcare. Thinking his work more important than anyone else and it's ok to spread germs around.

Of course it's not ok to send a poorly child in - nothing to do with Covid. It's not fair on the child, on the nursery staff or on other currently well children.

By all means you could collude with this and send him in and ignore calls. I would imagine they'd call social services if they can't get hold of you anyway. I would tell him that! Personally, if he's already thinking you'd get a call to come and collect him, he knows he's too poorly to go in.

Furbs · 20/09/2020 22:19

Is he usually such a twat?

StatementKnickers · 20/09/2020 22:19

Keep your DS at home. Sneak out of the house in the morning and find a nice cafe to work in. Ignore DH's calls all day. See how he likes it!

SavoyCabbage · 20/09/2020 22:19

My dd is SIXTEEN and has her own phone but when her school phoned this week and I missed the call I felt awful and rang them back in a panic as I was worried that she wasn't OK.

SonjaMorgan · 20/09/2020 22:19

A friend used to work in a preschool and told me it was common for parents to Calpol up there kids and dump them at nursery. Occasionally one would have a seizure when it wore off and their temp rose. YANBU and your husband sound like a dick.

Rainb0wDrops · 20/09/2020 22:20

Like a previous poster said there's always a chance - however slim - that they call you because of an accident/emergency rather than because he's a bit under the weather. Could never take that risk.

Bupkis · 20/09/2020 22:22

He is being a cock.

Nanny0gg · 20/09/2020 22:22

Well, he's a treat isn't he?

He really doesn't care about his own DC? Pig.

But even without Covid he sounds like he's too poorly to go in so even if your husband refuses to help, he'll have to stay at home.

TheEC · 20/09/2020 22:23

Wow I’m actually horrified at that. If your child is too poorly to be in nursery, you both need to take a fair amount of time away from work to care for them. Poor thing will just want to be at home. I wouldn’t have more kids with someone who thought like that, your poor child.

Facelikearustytractor · 20/09/2020 22:23

Plenty of people husband bashing here, which is understandable as it looks like that on the surface, but I suspect his employer and I them having unrealistic expectations about childcare is part of the problem too.

BumbleFlump · 20/09/2020 22:24

What a shitty parent.

How you know it’s not Covid? Have you had a test?

krj2608 · 20/09/2020 22:24

I deal with safeguarding in a preschool. They would call all of your emergency contacts list. If they still cannot get hold of you social services would be contacted.