Hidden account in my name

[Hungryforchocolate]

Ok this is potentially a long one and I am torn with a moral dilemma by letting bygones be bygones or claiming what is apparently mine.

When I was younger my parents set up a bank account with a high street provider which was all christmas money/birthday money/communion money etc. You get the drift - all money went into it. It was a children's savings account in the name of one parent. My mum.

My parents divorced when I was 10 and it was messy. My mum hid accounts including this and had my Dad cash in an endowment policy he was paying with the aim of being handed to me in later life. It would have matured cric. £90k and mum had him cash it in for £1600. There was a second one for my younger brother which also was forced to be cashed in at £1200. The relationship with my mum has never been great and she has always been money orientated. When I got a Saturday job at 15 earning £30 a week in the local hair dressers, she took 50% so £15. When I got my EMA once attending colleague she again took 50% - this was never put into the house for food so I found myself either buying my own or going round relatives/friends for dinner most nights. I moved out at 17 and been private renting since. I would occasional pop back for her birthday/mothers weekend etc as she was still and is still my mum

My mum sold the family home last year and I put on a postal redirection on the house to forward post in mine and my brothers name to my new address many miles away from her. My younger brother at the time was travelling around Asia so my address was his base.

I received a letter from the bank address to MUM RE Hungryforchocolate and also another MUM RE Hungryforchocolate's brother. I opened both as both my brother and I share initials and it didn't have Miss/Master salutation. The letter was regarding a children's passbook account which apparently was going down in interest with the same bank we used to go in with our birthday money to. I have never had an idea about these accounts were still open and when checking their website, it said it should have been transferred to the child at 18. That was approx 10 years ago for me so I visited said bank who wouldn't tell me much about the account because it was not apparently mine yet has my name all over it but the lady informed me, my brother and dad apparently both of us children are mental incapable hence they have never 'matured'. She did say the amount in there was 'potentially life changing' and confirmed they had been open since each of our respective birth years. Probably said too much but it was enough to confirm this was the same account we once deposited money into when younger.

Now my dilemma.

My Dad wants me to proceed to freeze the account in my name, my brother to do the same with his, and subsequently have the funds transferred over. He is being very persistent on the matter which hasn't help as my DP and I have been looking to buy a home. My brother has said we will put the funds from both accounts together and split 50/50 as one account may have more than the other. We don't know the balance but the life changing comment was made by the bank as I said in there the drama/stress this will cause is not worth it if its say £1.00

My Mum in the politest way will absolutely flip at me. She already sends me very distressing texts telling me she wishes I would die, wished she never had me, how nasty I am for minor things like not bringing her a second birthday card two weeks after her actual birthday where she got one because I was the 'only' person not to bring one to her party. She is hard work that I am very much LC as much as I can be due to her moods and the abuse I receive when things are not exactly as she pictures. She will also attempt to turn her side of the family against me and the pain this will cause my grandmother will be heartbreaking as my mum will make her choose between daughter or granddaughter.

I have confided in another family member who is very familiar with my Mums moods and treatment towards me but also the divorce drama of hiding money away. They have said whilst the money is in an account in my name, it does not mean it is money for me and could be a way of my mum hiding money away from her new partner. He is just as bad as her to be honest so a match made in heaven but doesn't make what she has done/doing right.

Do I:

• Ignore the issue altogether. Whilst the account is RE me and apparently I lack mental capacity (which I don't!!!) it has nothing to do with me. [YABU]
• Freeze the accounts to the source of the funds can be established/evidenced in statements to show it was money from when we were children. [YANBU]

The way it is going, which ever way I go, I will potentially get merry hell from one parents towards me. Dad will calm down after a while as he will respect my decision in time but my DP believes my mum will need to be completely blocked/NC as she will never forgive, understand, forget or be calm.

If I go to freeze the accounts route, what an earth do I need to do or how do I do this? I have all the court documents from their divorce where she said these accounts 'no longer exist'

ARGH.

When my nieces account changed at 18 she just had to take proof of Id into the bank to make it only hers instead of being looked after by me. I'd ask the bank what they need. You could also do asubject access request to see what information is being held on the account. I'd also get the address properly changed if you can to yours and I'd also want to know what proof they have that you are mentally incapacitated oh and I do everything I could to have the money and go nc with your mother.

Can you seek legal advice? They will know Excatly where you stand and what your options are??

So potentially you get the money and a forced NC with your mother?

Sounds like a win win to me OP.

Working for a high Street bank if the accounts were opened in you name and are yours from 18 regardless of who put the money in or not legally that account is now yours aslong as you can provide identification. The same as some people open accounts in their child's name to avoid paying tax ect. There isn't any reason why the bank can't provide you with balances or details of the account. With the mum issue she wouldn't have a leg to stand on legally if you closed the account. I think you are best off all sitting down and talking it through and hopefully coming to a mutual agreement . Good luck lovely xxx

Get a Lawyer and claim your money OP 🎉

I would call the bank as that doesn’t sound right. As above all your should need is ID to get the account changed in your name? Poss birth certificate too. I’d ask what they need to get that done for you?

Freeze the accounts, establish the source of the funds, speak again to the bank (this time speak to the manager) regarding transferring funds into your name and potentially see if you can get guidance from Citizens Advice or similar. Best of luck OP

i'm with your brother. .split money between you.

I would freeze the accounts op and speak to a lawyer about your options xxx

Your Mum is already a nightmare so nit much will change I that respect, so I'd try to get the money. Try the ID route first with the bank. Then legal route .

It's not like if you do nothing your mother is going to become some sort of Mary Berry supermother. She's going to be dreadful towards you whatever you do.

Surely pursuing the money is the right thing to do. It's your money that people wanted you to have.

Yes freeze them and seek advice, definitely don't let it go.

I set up accounts for my children for when they turned 16, I had to provide the passbooks to get them changed from Trustee to their own names. Your problem may be actually getting the passbooks. I would go back to the bank and ask them what they need to transfer the money over to you. One of my sons just had his money transfer over to his own bank account, my other son kept it for a while to spend on a car.

I’d freeze them, get transaction statements, give her any money she was hiding in there that was not actually for you.

She had mental health issues. If she’d cut you off for this she might cut you off for anything so tiptoeing around her is pointless.

Unless you really just don’t care about the money regardless of amount.

*has mental health issues

I would first need to work out what’s your cash and what’s her cash within the account. Possibly worked out by looking at historic transactions?

I would freeze/ get them transferred- then check statements to see when money has come in and go from there about what you do. At the very least you should have your childhood gifts.
It doesn't sound like the your relationship with your mum is very good so its not like NOT doing anything maintains a rosy life so you might as well sort this out as it legally and morally is yours.

Your mother sounds dreadful.
Nothing can give you back the years of happiness you would have enjoyed if she hadn’t been like this but you can at least get what is rightly yours and will make your dad happy.
Divide it with your brother equally and enjoy it. You have earned it.

It’s your money. Freeze the accounts. You’re well rid of your mother.

There's is no way birthday and Xmas money would amount to a life changing amount so it is almost certainly your mums hidden cash stash
I would only concern myself with if it was really my birthday money and not give your abusive mum a second thought

Any mum who wishes you dead because she does not get a second birthday card is one that should have been out of your life a long time ago

I'd freeze it and quick. The relative you have told will quite likely have told her by now anyway.
Get hold of the statements and see whats there. Given it is in your name even if you are considered mentally incapacitated at over 18 it is yours, does it have tax/benefit implications?

Sounds like you'd not loose much with your mother especially if she is committing fraud in your name....

2 choices. You could be

a) in a nice house with your DP, with a good relationship with your brother and dad and finally, finally shot of your awful mother

b) where you are now. Forever.

You might want to read Toxic Parents. Excellent opportunity to see your mum for what she is.