Ok this is potentially a long one and I am torn with a moral dilemma by letting bygones be bygones or claiming what is apparently mine.
When I was younger my parents set up a bank account with a high street provider which was all christmas money/birthday money/communion money etc. You get the drift - all money went into it. It was a children's savings account in the name of one parent. My mum.
My parents divorced when I was 10 and it was messy. My mum hid accounts including this and had my Dad cash in an endowment policy he was paying with the aim of being handed to me in later life. It would have matured cric. £90k and mum had him cash it in for £1600. There was a second one for my younger brother which also was forced to be cashed in at £1200. The relationship with my mum has never been great and she has always been money orientated. When I got a Saturday job at 15 earning £30 a week in the local hair dressers, she took 50% so £15. When I got my EMA once attending colleague she again took 50% - this was never put into the house for food so I found myself either buying my own or going round relatives/friends for dinner most nights. I moved out at 17 and been private renting since. I would occasional pop back for her birthday/mothers weekend etc as she was still and is still my mum
My mum sold the family home last year and I put on a postal redirection on the house to forward post in mine and my brothers name to my new address many miles away from her. My younger brother at the time was travelling around Asia so my address was his base.
I received a letter from the bank address to MUM RE Hungryforchocolate and also another MUM RE Hungryforchocolate's brother. I opened both as both my brother and I share initials and it didn't have Miss/Master salutation. The letter was regarding a children's passbook account which apparently was going down in interest with the same bank we used to go in with our birthday money to. I have never had an idea about these accounts were still open and when checking their website, it said it should have been transferred to the child at 18. That was approx 10 years ago for me so I visited said bank who wouldn't tell me much about the account because it was not apparently mine yet has my name all over it but the lady informed me, my brother and dad apparently both of us children are mental incapable hence they have never 'matured'. She did say the amount in there was 'potentially life changing' and confirmed they had been open since each of our respective birth years. Probably said too much but it was enough to confirm this was the same account we once deposited money into when younger.
Now my dilemma.
My Dad wants me to proceed to freeze the account in my name, my brother to do the same with his, and subsequently have the funds transferred over. He is being very persistent on the matter which hasn't help as my DP and I have been looking to buy a home. My brother has said we will put the funds from both accounts together and split 50/50 as one account may have more than the other. We don't know the balance but the life changing comment was made by the bank as I said in there the drama/stress this will cause is not worth it if its say £1.00
My Mum in the politest way will absolutely flip at me. She already sends me very distressing texts telling me she wishes I would die, wished she never had me, how nasty I am for minor things like not bringing her a second birthday card two weeks after her actual birthday where she got one because I was the 'only' person not to bring one to her party. She is hard work that I am very much LC as much as I can be due to her moods and the abuse I receive when things are not exactly as she pictures. She will also attempt to turn her side of the family against me and the pain this will cause my grandmother will be heartbreaking as my mum will make her choose between daughter or granddaughter.
I have confided in another family member who is very familiar with my Mums moods and treatment towards me but also the divorce drama of hiding money away. They have said whilst the money is in an account in my name, it does not mean it is money for me and could be a way of my mum hiding money away from her new partner. He is just as bad as her to be honest so a match made in heaven but doesn't make what she has done/doing right.
Do I:
- Ignore the issue altogether. Whilst the account is RE me and apparently I lack mental capacity (which I don't!!!) it has nothing to do with me. [YABU]
- Freeze the accounts to the source of the funds can be established/evidenced in statements to show it was money from when we were children. [YANBU]
The way it is going, which ever way I go, I will potentially get merry hell from one parents towards me. Dad will calm down after a while as he will respect my decision in time but my DP believes my mum will need to be completely blocked/NC as she will never forgive, understand, forget or be calm.
If I go to freeze the accounts route, what an earth do I need to do or how do I do this? I have all the court documents from their divorce where she said these accounts 'no longer exist'
ARGH.