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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 2 pieces of toast does not warrant using a farkin dinner plate??!

121 replies

theUrbanDryad · 09/10/2007 11:24

dh always uses a dinner plate for his 2 pieces of morning toast. why can't he get it through his head that a small plate would do? it's more washing up for me!

also - why can't he put his dirty washing in the washing basket, rather than flinging it in the general direction? i don't even care that much if he does it with his clothes (means they don't get washed though) but he does it with ds' as well and it drives me up the farking wall!!

and - when i ask him about these things - why does he think it's ok to accuse me of "attacking" him and go into injured sulk mode for most of the evening??

ARRRRRRRRRRGH!

ah, that feels better.

but, AIBU?

OP posts:
MaryBleedinShelley · 09/10/2007 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatIsSleepy · 09/10/2007 13:19

ahem, I like a large plate for my toast.

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 09/10/2007 13:20

anyway, what's the point of those small plates if you don't use them for breakfast? might as well chuck them in the bin if you're not going to use them, and they don't really serve any other purpose (we're not posh enough to use side plates at dinner)

OP posts:
CatIsSleepy · 09/10/2007 13:21

if I'm eating something small...like crumpets...or a muffin...or a bagel...I use a small plate
toast is big so requires a big plate

does that help?

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 09/10/2007 13:23

Mary - you're right, i am. he's control freaky about other aspects of his life (like the car, but that's a whole nother story) i don't see why this small thing - which would make almost no difference to his daily routine - is so difficult for him to implement. in the dim and distant past, before we got married and had ds, he was telling me about a (girl) friend of his who used to get really stressed by her dh leaving shaving hairs in the sink. my dh asked her if she'd told him how much it annoyed her, and she said no. and i'm with him on the fact that men (and people in general) can't change their habits if they don't know what it is they need to change. but i've told him, again and again and again, and he just doesn't listen.

perhaps that's the underlying issue, that he doesn't listen.... now i sound really mad, don't i?

OP posts:
oliveoil · 09/10/2007 13:23

dh also lobs things into the corner of the room and I know not what is clean or dirty

so I solved this years ago by creating The Pile

The Pile is basically a pile of clothes, some clean, some dirty that towers in the corner until dh says 'have you seen X?' and I say 'look in The Pile'

then he sorts it out

I fail to see why I should pick clothes up off the floor and query if they need washing, I do it for my girls but not a grown man of 37

you are barking mad over plate issue however

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 09/10/2007 13:25

CIS - dh would use a dinner plate for those items too. i mean, they're called dinner plates for a reason. you put your dinner on them! unless you're eating crumpets for dinner (and let's face it, if you were eating crumpets for dinner, then no-one would really care what plate you used, would they?) you don't need a dinner plate!!

OP posts:
pneumalifenewname · 09/10/2007 13:27

Bet you didn't think this topic would provoke this degree of interest did you?

I sympathise but I can think of worse - such as not putting spoons in dishwasher after use and saving them for some unknown purpose...

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 09/10/2007 13:30

ok, i concede that if you're having 4 pieces of toast, then you need a bigger plate. but if you're having just 2 then a small plate will suffice. all you supporters of using dinner plates for toast (or SOUDFT as you'll henceforth be known) do you own dishwashers?

dh is a fantastic father, and i'm not really as fishwifey as i sound. but lack of sleep does do funny things to your mind, we've only been together 2 years, and i lived on my own for along time before i was with him (no surprises there - most of my friends were amazed when i got married, they thought i'd become a mad old cat lady!)

OP posts:
MaryBleedinShelley · 09/10/2007 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 09/10/2007 13:32

pneuma - i'm wondering if it'll be the new grapes in the supermarket?

i do the spoon thing - but i use the same spoon for multiple cups of tea, not hide it away behind the kettle!

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 09/10/2007 13:33

YABU re the dinner plate - so what? I actually prefer my dh use a bigger plate (less chance of crumbs escaping onto floor etc)

YANBU re the not putting his laundry in the washing basket

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 09/10/2007 13:33

omg mary - you've just found my perfect xmas present! i'll email the link to dh forthwith!

OP posts:
legalalien · 09/10/2007 13:34

I definitely favour the big plate. But then I wash the chopping board, rather than giving it a wipe, thus removing the efficiency argument.

I do, however, object to toast crumbs in the butter / vegemite - but only inwardly - sometimes you just know that the argument's not one that you're going to win......

CatIsSleepy · 09/10/2007 13:37

am proud to be a member of SOUDFT!
and no i don't have a dishwasher
when i get home tonight i'll time how long it takes to wash a large plate vs a small one...

orangina · 09/10/2007 13:39

Can't he wash up his own dinner/toast plate? I am possibly a domestic slut, but I fail to see why I should ave to tidy up after dh (and him after me tbh).... perhaps he wouldn't mind just swishing said dinner plate under tap with soapy sponge while he is finishing of his last toasty mouthful....

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 09/10/2007 13:40

and they say i'm mad!

OP posts:
Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 09/10/2007 13:41

orangina - i'd feel bad about that as i don't go out to work, i'm essentially a SAHM at the moment, so i do think it's kind of only fair that i do the washing up.

it's ok, i know i'm a bit wrong in the head. it's my ishoos.

OP posts:
Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 09/10/2007 13:42

maybe i should train him to eat cereal for breakfast instead? mind you, he'd probably use a stew bowl for it...

OP posts:
kslatts · 09/10/2007 13:44

YABU about the plate, I always use a dinner plate for 2 pieces of toast

YANBU about the washing

handlemecarefully · 09/10/2007 13:45

Have read rest of thread. Chopping board is completely superfluous imo.....(although I deeply respect your choice )

And you don't need to fill a whole bowl full of hot water to wash up one dinner plate (as you alluded to either). It's actually more hygenic to wash a plate under a running tap of hot water (as hot as hand can bear)...although it uses more washing up liquid and water if you do all washing up this way. Don't like the practice of washing multiple crockery in the same manky water personally. (Blimey now I sound mad as a box of frogs)

Or you could leave his plate in the sink (below the eyeline) and ingore it until later....

Enid · 09/10/2007 13:46

rofl at the idea of a big plate being more work than a small one

he probably thinks you hate his guts

orangina · 09/10/2007 13:48

Yes, but being a SAHM isn't doing NOTHING (as well you know...). It's a job too, it's just a bloody difficult one that means you don't get the perks of being out and about without having mad toddler conversations about poo or whatever (actually, I have no idea what age your dc are, just hazarding a guess). Maybe you are a control freak for letting it bother you, but it can't be a MASSIVE effort for dh to wash his plate (it's only toast crumbs) if it makes you verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry happy ....

SoMuchToBats · 09/10/2007 13:49

This thread has really made me laugh, because it is SOOOO like me! I can see that it doesn't really matter which size plate your dh uses, but I can also see how annoying it is when he uses what you consider to be the wrong one. It really winds me up when my dh eats his cereal with a soup spoon - I know it doesn't make any difference in a practical sense, but it's a soup spoon fgs, for eating soup with!

So YABU, but I can completely understand it.

And I admit to being an obsessive control frreak, but what's wrong with that?

legalalien · 09/10/2007 13:49

has anyone mentioned fairy liquid yet?

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