AIBU to not want a career?

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I feel it's expected of me, by friends, family and everyone else, that I should be "doing something better work wise", using my qualifications to aim higher but if I'm honest I actually want to do less than I'm currently doing. I don't want career progression. I don't want responsibility and targets anymore.

I want a job where I walk out bang on my finish time. A job that doesn't creep into my thoughts in my free time. I feel like I'm spending the week longing for the weekend and the weekend dreading the week.

I can't shut my mind off work, I'm constantly time managing in my head, planning what I need to do when I'm next there. I've just made the mistake of looking at my work emails out of hours and seen I've been tasked 8 other jobs on top of what I was already mentally planning. Sunday nights fill me with dread.

I know I'm not alone in these feelings but I feel like a lot of my friends thrive on them, it's evidence that they are busy, important, successful. I don't have these needs and aspirations from my work life. I just want to earn some money to enjoy my life. I want to work to live not live to work.

AIBU to have no aspirations and not want work to be my life? I really don't cope well with stress and I can tell in the eyes of colleagues and friends this is a sign of weakness and failure, I'm thinking maybe this is true.

I feel the same. Work/life balance is much more important to me than a high flying career. I want to earn enough to have a house and go on a couple of holidays but that's it. My current job is 35 hours a week, 26 days holiday plus can buy more, flexible working incl at home, and it's the sort of job where at 5pm you sign off and don't need to think about it again until the next day

I agree. I do a job I love, having wriggled within the sector to unexpectedly find it. 40 hrs per week and not exhausted or worried.

The only down side is it pays less. Always factor in your finances, without anyone else there to prop them up, and if it works, enjoy it.

And why not change the narrative with friends and family?

YANBU, I feel the same but obviously you have to be prepared that you won't earn much money. I have a job, not a career. I work my contracted hours only and forget about work when I leave the office. But I only earn just over minimum wage. It's worth it for me while DS is young though for a good work/life balance.

I hear you. I am in the midst of my career now and there are bits I like, but jeez the responsibility, the endless meetings, the time I dont get with my own DC, the targets, the constant countdown to the weekend, the invasion on my sleep and general well-being. I'm currently working abroad (less than a year to go) with the sole aim of earning as much as I can in the shortest space of time I can. When we go back I have plans for a much less stressful, and correspondingly lower paid, job hunt. I just cant face the rest of my working life being like this.

@something2say you're right about changing the narrative! I'm sure most of my family would understand if I explain. Maybe not my friends, but if their opinions bother me i guess that's my issue to work on.

At school I could never answer the "what do you want to be when you grow up" question as i genuinely never had ambition or desire to do anything. At 35 it's hit me that I just want to be happy and (relatively) stress free . Glad I'm not the only one feeling like this

I understand you completely. I currently do not work (sahm) but when I did work my job was just a job. I could have moved up in it - but I didn't want to.
Now I have a what a lot of people would say is a 'hobby'. It involves being part of displays and events. I don't do this for any money. I do it because I enjoy it and I am giving something to the community. It may sound silly to some but when the time comes and I die - I would much rather be remembered for that. It's much more of who I am.

I'm the same as you at the minute and after a very long week I am just exhausted. The worst thing is that at the evenings (when I do get them off) and weekends I am too tired to do all the things the kids want to do. I do play with them and bring them out etc, but can do as much as I should.
I cant go on like this much longer.

I think it is fine to not have work ambition, to not want a highly paid job etc... so long as you can support yourself.

I had a high pressure career without the temperament for it- and a heart attack by 53. Now I have "a job" , part time, and took my career pension early to give me a decent wage. Life is good.

You can still have a career and work life balance if you choose carefully and work wisely.
I left nursing after 25 years because I was sick to the back teeth of the endless 12 hour shifts, working unpaid overtime, working weekend and generally being exhausted.
I'm now retrained as an NHS podiatrist on the same grade which means 9-5 and weekends off. We are hellishly busy but the most important thing I have learned to do at work is to delegate. There was a time when I'd always do everything myself but at almost 60 that's not happening any more.
I delegate to assistants, students and juniors and ask them to do things like stock taking which really is not the best use of my pay grade , make lists and book time off for study/research. I take full advantage of paid study leave to do any extras that need doing. I make sure I know exactly what leave I'm entitled to.
Yes I sometimes work through lunch but that's because I need to leave on time so I have a personal life.
I've fine tuned it now so that I rarely leave late, I never come in at weekends but I'm doing everything I need to do.
Efficiency is everything. If you are working late every single night you are not making the best use of your time.

I work 9-5 mon-fri and if I am still in the office at 5.01pm my boss looks at me like I have 2 heads, I am fine with that.

I totally get people like working 12 hour days or more but not for me at all

YANBU I loathe work because it's a massive waste of time.

I worked my butt off for 10 years in a supposedly glamorous industry (read unlimited unpaid overtime) and it's all emperors new clothes. Capitalism functions on notions such as "works all hours = good character". Look at the state of America where they think clocking on at 7am and working til evening is some sort of badge of honour. My Dad despairs that I don't want to work 8am to 7.30pm like he did all our childhoods. Sadly, DM died the year he retired so what does that tell you! If you can work out a way to afford it I say work as little as you can and enjoy life.

I’d rather not have the stress of a professional career, but I would imagine the remuneration would be much lower and our mortgage wouldn’t get paid. That’s the driver of my ambition.

If you have a very high earning spouse that pays the bills whilst you get to do less than you were doing before, I guess that’s different.

You're not alone. Life is too short to do things just because society says that gives us self worth.. As women we've been told that we don't have a choice - work for validation and respect or don't have either of those things. It's false. I'm about the same age as you and know that we grew up in the last era of being allowed to have a quietly fulfilled life, with unique interests, personality and without being attached to a crowd. I am intelligent but content to have a peaceful life and not worry about what people think when they ask "what do you do". Personally I don't believe it's natural to want to be in competition with people who have no care or respect for your life, living with constant restraint and having to be open to criticism 9 hours a day. Would I rather be at home, where I can enhance the environment for me and the people I love, who care and love me too.... Where I can take time to nourish interests and build a healthy mind, or would I rather do what is asked of us with false pretences: run about for a complete stranger who wouldn't care or know about me if they had a choice? Good people have their soul eroded because we live in an extremely competitive working world where we must fight for everything and disregard human decency and individuality to fit in or get on. Get out of the rat race if a) it's not a job/ profession you "love" and/or b) you want to be truly content with yourself and you can afford to not work. Inner happiness is not found by chasing a need for respect because of a title. Been there, done that. If your base line of integrity, emotional intelligence towards others and inner self worth is already higher than most people, you can never, ever be happy working in your average work force. Society has gone backwards and the working world is not built for people to live natural lives anymore. Unfortunately most are too dumbed down to realise it. You are not.

I've never wanted a career. I'm 35 and don't have any intention of having a career.
All though school, college and university (which I went to because my parents made me and paid for it) I never knew what I wanted to do apart from having a family.
My parents never worked for my whole childhood but we were well off due to the stock market. So I never had any kind of work ethic instilled in me
I worked in a shop, then a call centre, I didn't use my qualifications at all. But I was quite happy. I've been lucky enough to be a sahm for 9 years. My husband has a career and enjoys it. I'm just about to start some volunteer work at my local museum which I am looking forward to.

My views on this are probably quite controversial. I think a lot of people make the mistake of substituting "lifestyle" with "work." In other words, they make their jobs and careers their lives and there's no space for anything else. What's the point of that?

Work is a necessity but you've gone wrong somewhere if you don't keep your work-life in check and see it for what it is - purely a means to an end - to enable you to actually live and enjoy. I particularly don't like the way we are conditioned, by a capitalist society to assess one another's value based mostly upon the question of "what do you do?" People have so many merits and skills and values that aren't accessed by a work environment, and everybody has a unique and equal contribution that they are able to make to their communities.

I am educated to degree level x 2 and there are many times I could have chosen to climb the career ladder but I don't want to. I don't see the point. Money is not all that matters, and in most cases, the stress and responsibility just isn't worth it. As I say, it's not a rich life to be living if you have no space for anything other than work.

YANBU, and it’s a very normal way to feel.

Just be wary - if you quit for something lower stress and lower paid it might still be stressful while you’re there, and you might be managed by someone less smart than you, which can get very wearing. Menial work doesn’t always mean lower stress, so shop around before you commit to a different role.

Also now may not be the best time to job hunt...

Conversely, i have found some of my 'jobs" more stressfull, worse paid and less flexible than my more professional roles - altbough the hours have been shorter. So it depends on the job and the careers in question.

YANBU I left my corporate job because of this. It was toxic and I thought about it 24/7. I was even dreaming about it.

I work about 15 hours a week max now but I absolutely love what I’m doing so it doesn’t feel like work and never intrudes on “off” time unless it’s an idea to improve my business.

Do whatever works for you as long as you keep a fall back on.
Lower stress free jobs are great but when you find yourself years older than colleagues with no progression in sight it can bore the pants off you and mess up your self esteem.
Can you go pt in a better paid job less stress less hours similar wage.

Probably depends on the job you are doing. 50 years is a long time to do the same job with no progression. If you get to 55 and decide you are bored and want a change, it’s harder to do if you haven’t made a progression. Harder to switch to jobs which are generally done by young people starting out.

I’ve progressed in my career, I can’t imagine still doing the grunt tasks I did when I was starting out after all this time. I’m happy to pass them off to the technicians who need them to get experience.

I’m pretty senior so I can set my own agenda. I work the hours that suit me but am flexible so the business need is met. If you prove yourself capable, you don’t have to work from 8-8. The company I work for has a good deal of presenteeism but I made it clear, they can have my experience but not my own time. They’re happy with that.

I feel the same. Im happy with my choice because I know that to me, the money isn't worth the extra stress. I dont want to progress, I dont want more responsibilities. Im comfortable on the wage im on now, we go on 2 holidays a year, comfortable with our mortgage payments, have enough to save etc.

My only struggle is getting this point across in interviews and the god awful yearly appraisals without sounding like a bad/lazy employee. Im a good employee at what I do now!

I agree 100% with everything you've said.

I'm 37 and have never known what I wanted to do. Im not career driven. There are options to progress in my current job but I dont want them. It means more responsibility, more stress and going above and beyond normal working hours to get the job done. Of course it also means more money but I'm happy with my current pay. I clock in at 8am and clock out at 4.30pm and dont give work a second thought.

Dont worry what anyone else thinks. This is your life and you have to live it your way.

Well it depends if you can support yourself on a lower paid, lower stress job.

Or if you are relying on a partner to do a stressful role so you can do something less stressful.

I feel the same. I was quite bright, did well in school, and everyone expected me to go to university. I got accepted at a couple of universities but didn’t end up going. I felt like I had let everybody down badly. This actually caused me a lot of anxiety which eventually ended with me going on to sertraline to cope. I don’t think it was helped by seeing all of my friends that I had gone to secondary school with leaving uni, and then going on to start careers etc. I felt like I needed to be doing the same but I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
After a few years working in retail I applied for a job as a TA in a SEN school. It was like something clicked and I knew this was what I wanted to do. I probably could progress to be a higher level teaching assistant but I won’t. The pay is pants but I absolutely love the job. It doesn’t even feel like work to me. Hours are great and so I get a lot of time with my own children and don’t have to panic about childcare/school holidays etc. I have forgiven myself for not not going to university and I am genuinely happy now.

@vestaTilley I definitely agree with you about now not being the best time for job hunting. I've felt like this for a while so I'm kicking myself for not actually addressing it sooner. I work in the public sector both my degrees and experience only really equip me for finding jobs in the same field so i need to do some serious thinking.

@madcatladyforever your comment and outlook on work is the opposite of what i want, although I'm pleased it works for you. And the assumption I'm not working efficiently is wrong. My line manager is tasking me jobs on a Saturday, are they working efficiently? Everyone is in a climate of evening and weekend emails, proving they're doing that bit extra; it's not how I want to live my life. I'm actually quite good at my job, I manage my department (allbeit a very small one) and receive praise from my seniors. I dislike it, i don't feel passionate about, but I'm not shite and disorganised at it, just in case my original comment gave that impression.