Page 2 | AIBU to not want a career?

wizzywig · 20/09/2020 15:06

I know ill be a (thankfully) rare case, but i throw myself into work to escape from a shitty homelife

SockYarn · 20/09/2020 15:15

YANBU. I have worked for myself for 12 years and have zero intention of ever having "a proper job" ever again. Neither do I want to grow my business, have staff, make more and more and more money. I'm quite happy doing what I do, on my terms.

Original poster

StickyBase · 20/09/2020 15:16

@wizzywig there's nothing wrong with that at all! Hope you're ok

OP posts:

Rosebel · 20/09/2020 15:22

My job is crappy but it's a job where I can turn up do the job and go home on time. At the moment it fits in with my family and my life.
I sometimes consider a different job but I don't want the stress or be on call 24/7.
I work Saturday and still dread Monday morning.

Plesky · 20/09/2020 15:25

@MillieEpple

Conversely, i have found some of my 'jobs" more stressfull, worse paid and less flexible than my more professional roles - altbough the hours have been shorter. So it depends on the job and the careers in question.

This was the case for me, plus much less flexibility. The stress turned out to ‘earn its keep’ so to speak, by the much higher salary and an ability to determine my own hours as long as the work was done to a high standard.

notheragain4 · 20/09/2020 15:27

I don't think it's U perse, I think the most important thing is to set your expectations high in terms of striving for a job/career you enjoy. I just think life is so short and many of us have to spend so much of it working, it's really important to do something that doesn't drain the life from you! So whether that's a career or a job, so long as you generally enjoy your days, who cares? I say that as someone who is very career orientated.

Oilyoilyoilgob · 20/09/2020 15:27

I totally agree, I became my own boss! I work from home and grafted my arse off, but over the last year have massively reduced my clients so I work 3 days and then I’m purposefully not fully booked.

I really enjoy looking after our house/painting/up cycling/gardening etc and I now can do that. I also can do dinner for when my husband gets home now instead of finishing late, so we don’t go to bed feeling stuffed!

Mentally this has made such a difference to my life, and although I have a job and a business I’m now in charge rather than the other other way round.

I like a happy, simple life and for me that’s not working my arse off.

I have a friend who’s the total opposite though and she absolutely loves working, outsources her cleaning/laundry etc and wouldn’t have it any other way. Yin and yang 😁

ChasingRainbows19 · 20/09/2020 15:39

We are the same. I work in the nhs and him local gov. Neither wants to progress into management. To me life isn’t always about career. I’m lucky I have a vocation that suits my skills and in the main I like ( prior to covid)

I’d rather have less stress and leave work behind where I can. My partner does not respond well to stress.

Where we are at now we have a great work/life balance and can normally do everything we want to within our budget/wages.

Everyone’s different. I don’t see it as lack of ambition but home life is much more important to me.

leiaskye · 20/09/2020 16:17

I completely understand.
I maybe viewed as having a career, am a manager, & earn a good salary but I certainly do not want to go any higher.

I have regular chats with my manager who always asks, where do you see yourself in 5 years time?’ My answer is always the same - doing this job, well.

The next grade is substantially more responsibility, & I simply don’t want it!

Angliski · 21/02/2021 11:16

@LongPauseNoAnswer what do you do now? And how did you make the shift? :)

sunflowersandbuttercups · 21/02/2021 11:18

YANBU. I went to university and have a good degree, but I've never had any interest in having a career.

I worked retail for 10 years and did several years in management but I have no desire to ever go back to that life. I run my own business now and earn the same working 15-20 hours a week as I did working 40 for someone else.

I wouldn't change what I do for the world.

thegcatsmother · 21/02/2021 11:39

I've just gone back to work at 55, after 15 years not working. I used to teach, but have not gone back to that. My job now is 9-5, half an hour for lunch, and is a means to an end. I need another 6 years of NICs to get a full state pension. Dh offered to pay it for me, as I left teaching to follow him abroad, but if I can work, so earn money, get my NICs in order, contribute to another employers pension, then why not?

thegcatsmother · 21/02/2021 11:42

I switch off the computer at 1700, and that's it. No marking, planning, stress etc. Yes, I'm learning new things, but it isn't beyond me to do it. I'm not bothered about climbing the career ladder, dh was always the high powered one, I just want to earn something so I feel I'm contributing to the household budget.

Trinacham · 21/02/2021 11:44

YANBU
For the past decade I've been in a job where I have worked my way up. It is still a relatively low salary, but I've reached as high as I want to go now. I don't want any more responsibility and stress. Money isn't always worth it. We have been lucky to be in a position to overpay our mortgage so we are comfortable with what we have coming in anyway.

LunaHeather · 21/02/2021 11:46

I completely understand OP

Someone on a similar thread mentioned that there was a generation raised on a "you will find work that will make you happy". I am glad some do but I think it's a rarity to enjoy your work and have what you need financially.

Cpl1586407 · 21/02/2021 11:46

What industry are you in? There are sectors and employers where finishing bang on 5 is not a problem and who acknowledge that competitive 'stay late' culture is stupid

dottiedodah · 21/02/2021 12:28

This is such a refreshing post! So many women are shoehorned into fitting into a certain "role" in Society.Earn as much as possible ,Achieve whatever the cost .I always felt women were supposed to be able to choose .That was the point of Feminism .ATM Women seem to still be expected to work and earn well if well educated .Fine if thats what you like .Many women dont want this and this should not be up for discussion!

tentative3 · 21/02/2021 13:27

I did well at school and very well at uni and really enjoy learning new things. I'm also a people pleaser and really like praise so have previously worked in career type jobs, luckily with amazing bosses who are still good friends of mine now. It took me a while to realise I don't want to carry on along the expected path of 'using' my degree etc and climbing the ladder and I now work in a well paid job with an excellent pension where I am only expected to work my hours (unless there is disruption, and then I am paid overtime). I clock off and go home and don't have to think about it until I'm next in, I don't come back to mountains of work and a full inbox - I don't even have an inbox. The trade off for the pay and benefits is I work shifts and the hours can be antisocial as hell but I'm content with that trade off for now. I also don't have huge scope for learning new things at work, although there is some occasionally, but I have the time to pursue things outside work now.

It's not that I don't understand the work ethic other people have, because if I'm really into doing something I can spend hours and hours on it and get totally absorbed, I just never found anything work wise that has that effect on me. If people have found it and can get paid for it I think that's awesome too.

mcclucky · 21/02/2021 13:32

@StickyBase

I feel it's expected of me, by friends, family and everyone else, that I should be "doing something better work wise", using my qualifications to aim higher but if I'm honest I actually want to do less than I'm currently doing. I don't want career progression. I don't want responsibility and targets anymore.

I want a job where I walk out bang on my finish time. A job that doesn't creep into my thoughts in my free time. I feel like I'm spending the week longing for the weekend and the weekend dreading the week.

I can't shut my mind off work, I'm constantly time managing in my head, planning what I need to do when I'm next there. I've just made the mistake of looking at my work emails out of hours and seen I've been tasked 8 other jobs on top of what I was already mentally planning. Sunday nights fill me with dread.

I know I'm not alone in these feelings but I feel like a lot of my friends thrive on them, it's evidence that they are busy, important, successful. I don't have these needs and aspirations from my work life. I just want to earn some money to enjoy my life. I want to work to live not live to work.

AIBU to have no aspirations and not want work to be my life? I really don't cope well with stress and I can tell in the eyes of colleagues and friends this is a sign of weakness and failure, I'm thinking maybe this is true.

Do you want to live in a big house? Own a flash car? Have a football team's worth of kids and send them all to university? Go on holidays abroad (after Covid)?

You're only unreasonable in not wanting to earn lots of money if you want things that cost lots of people. Some people genuinely are content living very frugally.

We all make our own choices in life. The trick is to be happy with them. No one else has to live as you, it really doesn't matter if they agree with your choices!

georgarina · 21/02/2021 13:37

YANBU. I get it. I work a demanding job and it can be very stressful and is always on my mind - even if it is also enjoyable.

Only thing is I'm not sure what alternatives I would have if I wanted something different. I would like a better work/life balance but I'm also a single parent so need a good income.

My mum also didn't like working much and left her job when my youngest sister was born, but then she fell out of the work world and had no money or independence at all - had to ask for basic things (very toxic marriage). So that's always on my mind.

But I also think in general you can have a fulfilling life without it being career focused, definitely.

combatbarbie · 21/02/2021 15:30

I know exactly what you mean, after over 20yrs in the military, the last thing I want is joining another rat race and struggling with the work/life balance. I don't want another career and def not in management.

I just want to go to work and when I leave, I leave. Oh and actually be able to sleep on a Sunday evening instead of lying awake waiting for Monday.

RunningFromInsanity · 21/02/2021 15:36

I was thrilled when I got a managerial role. Loads of money, lots of kudos. But also, I was expected to be available pretty much 24/7. Blamed for every little thing that anyone did wrong:
I lasted less than a year.

I know have a much less important job, less money.
But I log off at 5pm every evening, and don’t think about it again until I log back on again the next morning:
I take exactly my 1 hour lunch break, don’t answer the phone, emails etc.

I work my 37.5hours a week and no more. I take all my annual leave and am not bothered by a single work phone call/email etc.

I have so much more free time, evenings are relaxing again.

CassandrasCastle · 21/02/2021 15:50

Oh man, I feel just like you! I'm on mat leave atm and loving it (yes, really! I'm still seeing friends for walks nearly every day, we keep busy and happy). When I go back, I want to be able to shut my pc down at 4.30, go and pick DD up from nursery and not think about work until the next morning. I don't hate my job, I actually find it pretty satisfying to know that I've helped someone or completed a project well.
I'm 'only' an administrator, and find myself saying exactly that when people ask what I do - "Oh, I'm a lowly administrator, haha." Piss off, me! I have other interesting things to contribute to conversation, and need to stop feeling lame at not caring about career

LunaHeather · 21/02/2021 15:58

I was just chatting to a friend about this

Her parents retired at 50 and she said they had endless questions about how they were going to fill their time. You can't really do anything but try to ignore social pressure.

Horseyhorsey3 · 21/02/2021 15:59

Some really interesting posts here.
I've worked in the medical device sales arena for around a decade and the money is good but your time is never your own and there is always the weight of expectation on your shoulders.

Took an extended mat leave... Then covid. DH is expecting me to return to such a role as he can't pay the mortgage on his own indefinitely (I was previously the higher earner). It fills me with dread but my current non-sales contract role only just covers some of the bills and ends in 3 months.

I always saw myself as ambitious and used work to distract myself from my internal process and to give me an identity - I don't need that now, but I do need a sense of purpose and enough financial independence to not feel indebted to DH. Lots to think about...