AIBU to not want a career?

[StickyBase]

I feel it's expected of me, by friends, family and everyone else, that I should be "doing something better work wise", using my qualifications to aim higher but if I'm honest I actually want to do less than I'm currently doing. I don't want career progression. I don't want responsibility and targets anymore.

I want a job where I walk out bang on my finish time. A job that doesn't creep into my thoughts in my free time. I feel like I'm spending the week longing for the weekend and the weekend dreading the week.

I can't shut my mind off work, I'm constantly time managing in my head, planning what I need to do when I'm next there. I've just made the mistake of looking at my work emails out of hours and seen I've been tasked 8 other jobs on top of what I was already mentally planning. Sunday nights fill me with dread.

I know I'm not alone in these feelings but I feel like a lot of my friends thrive on them, it's evidence that they are busy, important, successful. I don't have these needs and aspirations from my work life. I just want to earn some money to enjoy my life. I want to work to live not live to work.

AIBU to have no aspirations and not want work to be my life? I really don't cope well with stress and I can tell in the eyes of colleagues and friends this is a sign of weakness and failure, I'm thinking maybe this is true.

YANBU OP - as long as you're aware of the lifestyle consequences of your choices. Unless you have a high earning DP or are very highly qualified there are very few decent paying, low stress jobs. And with increasing automation those are likely to disappear.
I personally resent the mental load that comes with my job - but the demand for my experience is so high that in 5 years time I will be able to command my own terms. It's worth holding out...
If you're perfectly fine with a low key lifestyle then who care what anyone else says? Just do it!

@CounsellorTroi the funny thing is it actually benefits the company if someone with several years of experience wants to stay at the same level! They get a good employee without having to shell out more.
However the truth is once you get good... people start dumping so much more on you, that you end up doing work above your pay grade anyway. In that case the pay and promotion is better... I don't know what the world of work will be like in another 20 years. The constant chopping and changing means that an employee has to constantly be on the lookout as our jobs may be made redundant etc as well. This incolces a lot of overhead like networking.
There's no putting your feet up once you get a job and working for 30 years at the same company as it was in the old days

I get it.

I also think we should be asking the question why so many jobs are so stressful and people are treated like a commodity.

It feels like every job these days wants it's pound of flesh from you and the rewards do not match the effort put in.

I have worked in 'jobs' before my career and tbh it was how I was treated in those jobs that spurred me on to go out and get a career.

YANBU OP - as long as you're aware of the lifestyle consequences of your choices. Unless you have a high earning DP or are very highly qualified there are very few decent paying, low stress jobs

Depends what you mean by “low paying”? As I said I have a nice comfy job, bringing in just under 30k. It’s a few steps above entry level, but isn’t a graduate job.

30k is more than adequate for our family to live on. Ok we don’t have a flash lifestyle, but I budget well and we don’t really want for much.

I don’t need a high paying dp. Both of us on lower wages gives us a similar income to a family with a sahp and one higher earner. With more stability and less stress.

Re income comments
I think most people think I earn a lot more than I do. I am extremely frugal. My original aim, 20+ years ago, was to get a deposit to buy a flat.

Some former friends - I naively told them my plans - said shit like "what if you want a partner and children" - I knew I didn't and was happy to keep plans accordingly.

Money is good but work is overated....i am not competetive and i just want to be left alone ro get on with it without having to answer to anyone....this has happened in precisely none of my jobs.
Im not not bothered about managing people...i am creative but want to do my own thing and my best mates are not my colleagues. My dream is retire early so i can really get a life!

Thanks @BloodyCovid - I've also thought about doing the Amazon delivering in my own vehicle, or even Ubering, as I like driving and could fit it in around primary school runs (which I'll be doing for the next 13 years!)

Im not into career either. I want less stress at 48 not more of it!! Not into staying late either as felt it wasnt give and take or time off in lieu if I did stay on. Op do what suits you its nobody business!

@Dreamylemon agreed. People are seen as mere 'resources'

@bluebluezoo I'd consider a decent wage something that enables you to have your ideal lifestyle. And I'd consider time to be a part of that. If for example you have a lower wage but more free time that enables you to plan/budget accordingly then it's decent for you.
As with anything it's up to the OP to decide. And if you read my last sentence it said that if the OP is fine with a lower paid job but less stress she should not care what anyone else thinks.

[quote StickyBase]@something2say you're right about changing the narrative! I'm sure most of my family would understand if I explain. Maybe not my friends, but if their opinions bother me i guess that's my issue to work on.

At school I could never answer the "what do you want to be when you grow up" question as i genuinely never had ambition or desire to do anything. At 35 it's hit me that I just want to be happy and (relatively) stress free . Glad I'm not the only one feeling like this[/quote]
I feel like this all the time but the money keeps me in the job I do now.
It's depressing.

I realised early on in teaching that to progress meant a lot of added work and stress for very little extra money. It made me feel very unmotivated to climb the ladder.

I do hate the assumptions that it's the intellectually superior who feel the way the op does (not saying thr op herself has said this, but a couple of posts on this thread along those lines).

Will you still feel the same in 10, 20 years though? I think I'd feel very unfulfilled if I had stayed at the same level throughout my working life.

Believe me, I've done the management thing and I would rather be jabbed with hot pokers than ever go back to that kind of work

I've avoided all that by working for myself though! Being self-employed is a HUGE revelation to me and I'd struggle to back to being an employee now.

I feel the same way OP. I have been hard at it with several successful career years for 20 plus years plus post grad degrees. I retrained in my 40s thinking this would help as i wanted more challenges.

What i have discovered is that i want to scale right back. i have a severely disabled older DC aged 12 and a youn ger one aged 8. My DH retired early due to a chronic illness. I find myself wanting mroe out of life, more emotional nourishment rather than external 'success'. I want to be able to go to sports days and to take the summer off and take my children to see their extended family abroad.

This is where I am now. In 10 years it may be different. But the thrust and struggle up the career ladder is no longer doing it for me and I want to be home. I want to look around and then start my own business in a year or so. The straightforward career trajectory is not the life for many people any more. i can still be fulfilled career wise, but for now i wish to take a step back.

Oh and I want to look into having my own horse.

I'm 49 nearly 50.

I sort of feel like it is my time to focus on family and me.

@StealthPolarBear because a lot of people are underpaid and overworked? To be able to even ask the question is a privilege.

Apples " I retrained in my 40s thinking this would help as i wanted more challenges. "

I find this interesting - I think there's a big focus on retraining or going for more challenge when a lot of us want less.

@StealthPolarBear

I do hate the assumptions that it's the intellectually superior who feel the way the op does (not saying thr op herself has said this, but a couple of posts on this thread along those lines).

Fair comment, and I don't know whether mine was one of those posts but if it was I apologise, it wasn't my intention. For me I made mention of having done well at school because it felt like there was definitely a weight of expectation to go into a career.

I think you get people on the whole spectrum of intelligence in all walks of life, including the world of work.

Op don’t listen to your family or anyone else. Capitalism thrives on work hard = make money = useful life. It’s all bollocks - if you can afford it do something you like/don’t hate. No one lies on their death bed wishing they’d spent more time in the office.
There was a band of middle aged women where I used to work who were firm about not progressing/training/climbing the greasy poll etc they just wanted to be good at what they did.no more- no less. I had a lot of respect for them. They were really honest and just said they couldn’t be arsed.😂

I always find it quite insulting when people say they just want to work in a shop and have a stress free job."

See, I work in a shop and say this, simply cos I clock on, clock off, i take no work home, even training is at work, I could move up but choose not too as I'm happy just doing my shifts, interacting with customers and none of the technical b.s. that goes with manager roles
That's not to say some days suck, are physically hard or ain't stressful but it's not stressful in the sense of taking work home, thinking about it at home, having to deal with just an email or 2. It's in and out. I get paid for every hour I work, no free overtime from me. To me that's no stress

@LunaHeather

Apples " I retrained in my 40s thinking this would help as i wanted more challenges. "

I find this interesting - I think there's a big focus on retraining or going for more challenge when a lot of us want less.

I am not sure retraining was the best idea for me. It meant that after spending thousands on retraining I started again at the very bottom. So I went from a 40k salary to 17k and 6 years later still have not cracked 20k. But I feel kind of trapped as we spent so much.

I don't 'regret' it because I went into something that interests me, but my phase of life right now means I need to be home more. That may change in a few years though I guess.

I think there is no escaping that stress when you have responsibilities. I feel there is no way out for me. The main reason I work is to pay school fees.

However if I didnt have kids I suspect I'd be working even longer hours, going for more, earning even more and hating myself more...

I think it depends on what you do. The low paid jobs are definitely not low stress. You are usually the grunt at the beck and call of others. But as you take on responsibility you also take on expectations that you will do what needs to be done.

Lots of jobs with no expectations no progression if that's what you want. Just don't be the person who joins a team and then coasts. That's not fair on everyone else.

My career has had the same level of stress at Assistant level to Senior Manager level to be honest. I definitely prefer being a Senior Manager as the work is more interesting and I have a lot more money. I am probably lucky and in the minority however but am just commenting as career progression can definitely be a positive and not a negative in some situations.