AIBU to not want a career?

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I feel it's expected of me, by friends, family and everyone else, that I should be "doing something better work wise", using my qualifications to aim higher but if I'm honest I actually want to do less than I'm currently doing. I don't want career progression. I don't want responsibility and targets anymore.

I want a job where I walk out bang on my finish time. A job that doesn't creep into my thoughts in my free time. I feel like I'm spending the week longing for the weekend and the weekend dreading the week.

I can't shut my mind off work, I'm constantly time managing in my head, planning what I need to do when I'm next there. I've just made the mistake of looking at my work emails out of hours and seen I've been tasked 8 other jobs on top of what I was already mentally planning. Sunday nights fill me with dread.

I know I'm not alone in these feelings but I feel like a lot of my friends thrive on them, it's evidence that they are busy, important, successful. I don't have these needs and aspirations from my work life. I just want to earn some money to enjoy my life. I want to work to live not live to work.

AIBU to have no aspirations and not want work to be my life? I really don't cope well with stress and I can tell in the eyes of colleagues and friends this is a sign of weakness and failure, I'm thinking maybe this is true.

Horsey "I always saw myself as ambitious and used work to distract myself from my internal process and to give me an identity - I don't need that now, but I do need a sense of purpose and enough financial independence to not feel indebted to DH. Lots to think about"

My friend surprised me by saying she doesn't consider her work as a career. She just sees it as a bunch of jobs in the same sector, strung together. Her current situation isn't that different to yours but she has done okay being upfront about wanting work life balance.

She was red with fury when her work called us while we were on holiday but she just didn't answer the call.

Went back the following week and said " oh I didn't check my messages till last night".

It needs luck though...bosses and workplaces vary in every sector.

OP it sounds like you just need to stick to your guns really.

No I don’t want a ‘career’ but I’m not cut out for one anyway. Too much anxiety, I wouldn’t think I was capable. I’m not assertive enough, I wouldn’t be able to train people, I would find it difficult to cope with the stress.

I have moved to a job now that’s better paid and should have less stress. In some ways it does, there’s not so much of a rush, I leave on time every day and never work through my breaks like I used to. There’s still the pressure I put on myself, and I don’t think I will ever escape that. I still worry myself sick about work quite often and am trying to stop that.

There is a book called ‘Work won’t love you back’ that I read about a while ago and would be interested in reading. I have a colleague a couple of grades above me who is there early every day and stays late every day. She is stressed and her line manager knows, the operational manager knows, the quality manager, everybody. It is so exploitative, they must be getting more than an extra day out of her. She does it because if she doesn’t it won’t get done, or deadlines will be missed. I used to do the same but know you get no thanks for it and it’s a cliche but you are no better thought of.

It’s interesting that a couple of posters have mentioned how supposedly ‘low pressure’ jobs are often anything but. People always assume a job far down the pecking scale is stress-free. I always struggled to articulate why but when I worked for the NHS and was working with a Locum Consultant we had a conversation about just that and he said he thought my job came with the added stress of not being in charge of your own workload, and feeling powerless and that made sense. I always find it quite insulting when people say they just want to work in a shop and have a stress free job.

I've come to this place in the last 2 years OP. Young child, pandemic, hit my forties. Work is not worth it! And hey, I can always go back to a "career" in a couple of years if I want to, but for now? I need to be fitter, I want hobbies, I want family time and I want to be less stressed about work and not have it in my head the whole time!!!!!

Dark "I always find it quite insulting when people say they just want to work in a shop and have a stress free job."

Agree.

I think one issue with low pressure jobs is that corporate culture got to them and wants everyone to have a stressful appraisal and ridiculous "goals" thinking it will be motivating. It's like no one will leave you in peace to just do the filing or the tasks that they actually need you to do.

I'll never forget a senior manager getting angry with me in a meeting and saying "do you WANT to be the person doing the filing (not the real word, just example) the rest of your life?" I said, "well, yes, I have a finance plan going up to early retirement. I don't want to climb a career ladder."

She was stunned. I was 36. i think she thought I'd just been coasting without thinking.

When I left, she took me out for lunch twice and tried to offer me more money and responsibility. I was leaving for about a £2k raise after tax, a less formal place, with half the commute - big win - and work at home options - bigger win. No seniority, I didn't want that

She couldn't believe it. The second time I just decided not to listen to her and order something pricey while she was paying. I presume she expensed it.

Would those people happy working in their normal jobs (rather than 'careers') be willing to say what they do?

I'm currently a SAHM, and whilst I don't mind the idea of working at some point, I definitely DO NOT want the stress and responsibility of a 'career'; I already have enough of both of those things in my life!

@HBGKC

Would those people happy working in their normal jobs (rather than 'careers') be willing to say what they do?

I'm currently a SAHM, and whilst I don't mind the idea of working at some point, I definitely DO NOT want the stress and responsibility of a 'career'; I already have enough of both of those things in my life!

I run my own dog-walking and natural pet treat business. I probably work 15-20 hours per week on average.

No. Not even a little bit. And I completely get you. I tried the whole career thing a few years ago and I felt such burnout. I was missing time with family, friends and my DH. And our dogs! I was expected to work extra for targets which meant 60 plus hour weeks at times. And to prove my worth I was expected to give up so much of my social life in order to thrive at work. They agreed they would pay towards qualifications if I stayed.
Now I'm in a more menial job. Its well paid. I have a work life balance. I help DH run his business. And I have free time.
Career aspirations aren't for everyone and I am one of those people. I feel no shame or regret. I want kids and I want to have lots of happy memories with my loved ones and quite frankly that's enough for me.
If sacrifice for career isn't for you then save yourself the misery and focus on what makes you happy.

@sunflowersandbuttercups Wow, that sounds like a wonderful way to earn a living! Part of why I love walks outdoors is seeing dogs out on their walks, it really makes me happy. How fab to be able to do it as a job!

sunflowers not asking you directly but something that came up in my chat with friend today was business options. (Both of us lost our jobs due to lockdown).

I'm on a couple of networking forums but I have rejected the business route for me. I'm convinced some of the people on those forums are running hobby businesses and can't actually pay the mortgage from it.

Beware the 'Work less = earn less' crew - it ain't necessarily so.

Some people genuinely think that NMW jobs must be easy or effortless - others would swear blind that being a senior publishing editor is no work at all. Why? cos the money's bad for that too.

A lot of MC jobs are pretty dossy and the pay is ok. Find one. Where to look? Any job a man does in a shirt.

@HBGKC - I'm very lucky and basically fell into it too. I love what I do and the work-life balance is fantastic.

@LunaHeather I think there's a big difference between a business and a hobby-business. Unfortunately lots of people see dog-walking as the latter rather than the former! I do know a lot of people who do it part-time or to fit in with DC though.

Sunflower yes there is a big difference.

No one really says if it's a hobby business though, so I think some of the encouragement given by networking types is fake.

We had an embarrassing incident in my family this summer. Someone set up a meeting for me with a lady running a business who was keen to give advice. She was very deflated when she realised I was actually needing to pay bills - turns out her DH funds her business and it's a hobby!

Sorry, that's a whole other thread.

@LunaHeather

Sunflower yes there is a big difference.

No one really says if it's a hobby business though, so I think some of the encouragement given by networking types is fake.

We had an embarrassing incident in my family this summer. Someone set up a meeting for me with a lady running a business who was keen to give advice. She was very deflated when she realised I was actually needing to pay bills - turns out her DH funds her business and it's a hobby!

Sorry, that's a whole other thread.

Haha no worries.

I think lots of people like thinking they're a "business owner" when the reality of running an actual business would be beyond them.

I moved out of a high-flying career last year (in a pandemic, I know – could have been a real mistake) and into something else that feels like it's just as 'good for me' as time off. And it pays less, but not as much less as I expected.

I used to think I wanted to just walk out of the office and shut the door and not care, but I think I wanted that because I didn't imagine that work that made me feel like I do now existed.

I'm learning new things and growing as a person, I really like spending time with my colleagues, and I'm doing something I'm proud of. And it does still feel like a 'career' to me, because I can see myself growing and developing over time.

I don't want a high-flying career, but I do want to look back on my working life and be proud of what I did in the time I was working. I don't want a job that's just something to 'get through' before going to live my 'real life' outside of working hours.

I absolutely agree OP. I've worked as a legal PA since I left college so around 40 years (gulp!). I've always gone up to London, no children so never had that break. My job has changed over the years, for instance our firm are expecting the PAs to get more involved in finance, which I loathe.

If this pandemic has shown me anything it is that I have realised I have absolutely no interest in going back into the office full time. Apart from the cost I really have got no interest in career progression, such as it is, at my age. I just want to do my job, log off and forget about it.

Not at all, i never wanted it, when ever I was asked where I saw myself in 5 years I’d always say as a sahm, it never went down well especially from career women. It would be, but you have so much potential, why don’t you want to progress blah blah blah... no one could ever understand I worked only to pay the bills and enjoy life and then to support having children, I had no desire to spend every waking moment working or thinking about work.

My new job is an AO in the Civil Service. Not big bucks; less than I earned as an NQT in 2001, but equally less stress.

@thegcatsmother

My new job is an AO in the Civil Service. Not big bucks; less than I earned as an NQT in 2001, but equally less stress.

What is an AO please?

Need you are near retirement then? I was thinking lockdown might lead to a lot of early retirement.

Sunflower yes, the woman I met was like that. One of the first questions I asked was about health and safety legislation for that line; she'd never considered it. 🤦🏽‍♀️

I have a career but steady non climbing job. I'm happy where I am. Enough responsibility, no managerial responsibilities, technical enough to keep me interested, decent pension and wage so I dont have to slog long hours.

If you can support yourself and don’t expect anyone else too and have paid off any student loans then go for it.

I’m lucky in that I enjoy my career and it pays well. It can still be stressful though.

However I’m saving a lot of the money I’m earning so I can retire early at 55. If I took a step back and a pay cut now I’d be working until I’m 70!

Yanbu at all op. I've recently gone back to work after 12 years as a sahm. I've never had a career job despite having a degree. I'm only working for the pension really, and to build up our savings.

All fine, but you will have to work out how to live on less (or find someone to bring in the money for you...)

It does sound OP that you could do with doing some work on boundaries etc. Eg don’t look at emails on Sunday night if it stresses you.

I never knew what I wanted to do. Was always envious of people who had that clear vision. I ended ip doing a variety of things and didn’t love any of them. I’m now in my 50’s and lucky that I don’t need the money. I absolutely love being stress free, happy walking with friends, cooking and looking forward to travelling with dh.

Sunflower yes, the woman I met was like that. One of the first questions I asked was about health and safety legislation for that line; she'd never considered it. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Yep, it doesn't shock me!

Dog walking is a job that doesn't actually require insurance (shocking, I know) but the number of people who think they can just set up and do it never ceases to amaze me! Most fair weather ones stop when it starts getting wet, cold and muddy on walks 🙈

But doing a job like this without insurance or any kind of basic knowledge is insane to me. It's so dangerous and sadly it's the dogs that suffer if things go wrong.

There's a big difference between professional walkers and hobby ones.