If pets were flat mates

[60sbird]

What do yours do thats a bit strange

I’ll start with, My Flat mate likes to sleep with my dirty underwear and also likes to watch me on the toilet

My flat mate wanders through the house, howling. And I have to brush him because he is so old now he can't do it himself anymore. And the other day he weed on the doormat and pooed on the kitchen floor

My flat mate watches me on the toilet and tries to lick my feet

My flat are drinks from the toilet if the seat is left up. He also lies at the bathroom door when I am in there and I know because his long hair pokes under the door. He also sits on the sofa when I am out of the room but jumps off the moment I appear. He spies on me at the window as I drive away and stays there until I can’t see the house anymore. He will only eat when we eat despite him having food in a bowl available for a couple of hours before we eat.

My other flatmate does pay rent every autumn. Usually in the form of half chewed woodmice, but sometimes in spiders with odd numbers of legs and large moths. We've had words.

I suspect he's currently loitering on the other side of the half open bathroom door whilst I take a bath. It sounds as though he's doing something disgusting to his privates whilst he's there.

No longer with me sadly, but my old flat mate would whine at the bathroom door when I went to the loo, so I’d let her in, then she’d whine to get back out again.

She’d also run round the house at top speed and launch herself onto the back of the settee while I was sat on it. it was very frightening.

I had another flat mate that would shout at anything in the house that got moved. Once he spent a full 45 minutes shouting at a modem cable I’d left on the bed.

I have several flatmates. One roomie floats around like an old sock. He's useless, doesn't do anything but smiles a lot. He's quiet and cute. Two others share a space and party all night - clatter and are generally very noisy. The other one insists on sharing my bed uninvited, farts in my face and then dives under my duvet.

Every time my flatmate comes home, he greets me by headbutting me then demanding that I inspect his anus.

Still, I get my revenge every time he’s sleeping by waking him up and holding his cheeks and telling him he’s so beautiful I want to kiss him on the lips (but I can’t because he’s a germy monster.) Sadly he only has eyes for my husband, and I often find them wrestling and cuddling together. I’m sure they’re just good friends though...

My flatmate has a manky old teddy that she likes to suck while she's watching nature documentaries. It smells like rotten cabbages and tramps feet and, to ensure that I don't miss out on the privilege of smelling it and feeling its soggy drool-imbued fur, she likes to whap me round the face with it regularly.

I watched my flat mate bury a sausage in a plant pot today.

One of my flatmates showed off by balancing himself on the large metal plant pot in the garden , glared at me and as a grand finale deposited a lard turd in the compost .

I watched with a mix of admiration at his skills and horror at what came out of his bottom.

Seriously , your own loo is just there

lard - large turd .

He doesn't produce lard , honestly

My flatmate tries to drink all the bathwater.
I discovered a few weeks ago that he also likes to eat new sofas, then throw what's left around the room.

My housemate likes to poo in front of me then run away. She also sleeps on me in the middle of the night.

She sits outside the bathroom when I'm in the shower waiting her turn. She then gets in the bath and catches the drips from the screen in her mouth

She's spoilt and sleeps in whoevers bed she fancies

She shouts for attention

My flat mate will only drink out of the bath tap. He pukes a lot and doesn’t clean it up.
He is useless at dealing with spiders and watches them lazily as they gallop around the house and then looks up at me as if to say “ so, are you going to do anything about this or what?”
He likes to sleep in boxes which are too small for his fat furry body, even though there are beds and sofas available.
He thinks the summer house belongs to him and hisses at any human who has the temerity to enter it.

My flatmate likes to slap me about and scratch my face lovingly at 5.30am every morning until I get up very shortly afterwards.

My flat mate ignores me all day except for when she's hungry or has decided she's lonely at 2 in the morning. Occasionally I'm allowed to interact with her but if I break protocol by going over the 2 minute rule she will slap me. She also refuses to shit in her toilet and leaves it on the floor for me to clean up. I am also forbidden from closing any doors in case she wants to go out, or back in, or out again...

My flatmate likes to sit on top of me when I'm sleeping, nibble on my chin then dribble on my face. 🤢
The other one brings in dead things.

I have to lock HM1 in the bathroom over night or else he wakes me up scratching the curtains demanding his breakfast at stupid o’clock. He gets a bit pissed off though and often does a dirty protest in the bath!

HM2 is lovely just a bit demanding, she shouts at me every time I open the fridge and if she doesn’t get a full body massage when she’s wanting attention she paws my face. The other house guest bites my hair and legs when he wants attention 🙄

My flat mate has just jumped on my bed and put her hand on my boob. Her breath stinks of fish

My housemate likes to do the wall of death round the living room she also likes to lay under the coffee table and jump out on us ,she lays in top of the coffee table licking herself and likes to leap at our heads from the dining table, she also enjoys sleeping in the fruit bowl

My mums housemate is scared of her own farts and rubs her ass across the carpet , she watches you while she shits on the garden and also follows you to the toilet ,she sings to you in the morning when you first come downstairs