If pets were flat mates

[60sbird]

What do yours do thats a bit strange

I’ll start with, My Flat mate likes to sleep with my dirty underwear and also likes to watch me on the toilet

my flatmate is a stalker and i cant even pee in peace without him following and watching me

My flatmate eats food that’s been dropped on the floor, even stuff she finds in the street. Gross. Oh, and if you’ve finished eating a yoghurt she likes to take the pot back to her bed and lick it clean. That’s weird, right?

Our housemates like to hide in small spaces and launch themselves at us ( I knew it was a bad idea to let them watch Whitechapel )

They like to disrupt DH from WFH by walking on his keyboard . Covid 19 means bugger all to them . They watch me leave for work, then they try to stop my poor husband doing his job . ( Stroppy Housemates seem to be a feature in a lot of his Zoom Calls though )

They know we're vegetarian (except DS) and delight in noisily eating the most stinky carnivorous food on the planet AND blatently wearing Real Fur

They think that having The World Smellist Pooh does me a real favour because I know when their toilet area needs refreshed .

They've Tipexed out some of the Tenancy Agreement to change the lease term to Furever .

I have two house mates. The first one likes to trip me up on my way to the kitchen where he will then wail at me loudly. He likes to lie in the middle of the lounge floor on his back punching the air and is fond of bopping housemate two on the head for no reason. He is very vain and loves looking at himself in the mirror.

Housemate two loves licking my face and eating anything on the floor that is non edible. She likes to sit on other peoples laps and stare disconcertingly at me. She has great skills in catching large spiders and likes to throw them around using her mouth (don’t worry I do rescue them). She likes to wind up housemate one by jumping around him in circles and chasing him up the garden. I also find her rubbing her nose on all the beds in the house which she follows up with a forward roll.

These are hilarious, one of my flat mates caught a mouse, I rescued the mouse and it bit me so I ended up having a tetanus injection

Sits in the shower cubicle without any water running

Has a rapturous reaction to the sound of a can of tuna opening

Whenever I leave shoes lying around I find my flatmate lying on them. She sits next to me and cries every time I eat my dinner.

My flat mate steals socks ( mine or dhs) and licks legs when I get out of the shower. He always watches me on the loo.

My flatmate likes me to stand at the back door while she's pooing in the garden.

If I walk back into the house because I've got bored watching while she circles for ten minutes trying to find the perfect spot she'll follow me in and stare at me until I go back out and watch her again.

Sometimes she stares at me for ages, full on eye contact; just staring. It makes me feel quite uncomfortable sometimes, especially given that she won't answer me when I ask her want she wants. She just stares. Should I be afraid?

My female flatmate likes to suck my clothes. The male one hangs out near the fridge and jumps on me if he spies ham.

Flatmate 1 steals socks and underwear but he's my closest friend so I tolerate it. Flatmate 2 wrecked the sofa and the armchair and has a habit of hiding butter under the cushions. Flatmate 3 is very needy and cries when I go out.

My housemate does Ninja flying attacks launched from the stairs

My flat mate lets himself out of the house and walks to the local curry house. Where he enjoys a second hand korma out of the bins, before coming home and regurgitating it all over the carpet.

My flat mate eats his own poo! Mine eats his Mum's!

My flatmate sheds hair all over the place. If someone visits he is over familiar and tries to steal their attention away from me. Every time I eat he stares at me.

One flat mate wakes me up my quite politely shaking my arm but then spends the rest of the day asleep on my desk.

One lies between my shoulders when I'm sleeping on my front and whispers in my ear. Then shouts at me when he's hungry.

The other one just sits in the corner sticking his tongue in and out all day.

Flatmate #1 has taken to weeing on my bed in the small hours. It's not dementia or incontinence, it's revenge because I make sure he takes his daily medication that he hates.

I no longer have a landline because flatmate #2 ate it. She and her best frenemy flatmate #3 have turned my garden into a recreation of the Somme trenches.

During the cooldown of my online yoga class (when I'm lying down with my eyes shut), flatmates #2 and #3 skip round me, sniff my head and make my yoga teacher giggle.

My flat mate likes to wait until we go to bed, and switch the lights off, to drag his balls across our lounge rug, whilst making a very happy moaning sound....

Mine is trying to nudge me off my chair as I type this. I know that if I get up he will stab me in the leg, just so he can keep me here & use me as a pillow.

He's a tennant but anyone would think he owns the place.

One of my flat mates sings constantly, including when she's eating, and lurks in the garden so she can hurl abuse at passers by at the gate. She collects shoes and brings them all to DH.

The other flat mate won't let me alone when I've got a glass of wine, following me round and sniffing in appreciation; and she ate one of my socks a while back. She bites her toenails noisily and occasionally rips up her bedclothes.

They both break into spontaneous dancing whenever they are going to eat, or go out; and demand cuddles at all hours.

My flatmate disappeared under my bed about an hour ago, looking for food that isn't there. Now she's asleep under my bed and snoring loudly. My other flatmate is standing in the window singing loudly

My flat mates poo and per wherever they
happen to be sitting. They shout at me if I don't bring their food quickly enough. And they run around the living room floor like maniacs every evening.

My flat mate bites me if I try to pick him up when he doesn't want me to

I forgot to add, I caught my flatmate wiping her face on the kitchen wall yesterday. I thought she normally just wiped it on my quilt

My flatmate leaves hair everywhere and never even offers to vacuum it up.