If you have no parental help, how do you cope with children?

[afternoonitsraining]

Husband and I are thinking about TTC, but we are both careful people and want to work out finances and things before trying.

Everyone we know seems to rely on their parents for childcare help, and help to buy baby things. We would have none of that due to various issues, we would have to do everything ourselves.

I know it may seem as if counting chickens before they've hatched - maybe we can't conceive anyway. But Childcare is around £60 a day in our area and with no parental help, I just wondered how people who don't earn mega salaries manage with childcare. We wouldn't get universal credit or anything, just child benefit and I would not want to give up working.

I'm a SAHM so not much help because that's how we've done it.

Otherwise I guess you have to just take the financial hit if you want to carry on working.

no parents, one child turned out to be severely autistic with severe LD. I am now a lone parent. I coped in the early years (nursery) by getting tax credits and the childcare element. Now I only work school hours but have a holiday club I can access. Again I depend on UC. we live in a cheap area, no luxuries or extras or holidays. Basically budgeting for everything. It would not be that hard if DD would not be severely disabled but I didn't know that was coming. Somehow you cope. It's only 2 years of really high childcare anyways (considering 1 year mat leave and 30h childcare after the 3rd birthday).

have you put your numbers into a calculator? You may not get UC now but might with a 1k childcare bill every month. Otherwise save up.

I work part time and my job is very flexible, DH works close to home too and we juggle things between us. It’s easier once kids are in school - there are some very good, affordable activity based camps over school holidays which helps too.

It’s a juggle but you do manage.

My parents work full time so they can't help with regular childcare.

I was a SAHM until DS started school then I was lucky enough to find a school hours job. I've increased my hours now and he goes to the school breakfast club. In the holidays I pay for holiday club.

Sorry, probably not the answer you wanted!

We have no support here!
You just get on with it.
Could you drop work days down to save a bit on childcare?
1200 a month on childcare is quite a chunk, but it’s not forever. Save now!

full time childcare and the draw if the luck that the employer paid half of that.

It’s very tough. In the early years I worked mainly evenings and weekends so childcare hours were at a minimum. We lived on a very tight budget and bought second hand a lot.

Have savings for rainy days and try to anticipate costs. Most people muddle through.

Paying for childcare is an investment in the future. There will be a few years before kids start school where money will be tight, but you will get the benefit afterwards. Obviously you still need to ba able to afford the basics, and some people are forced to become sahp out of necessity, rather than choice. We used to pay more in childcare than in mortgage, but it was money well spent IMHO. I highly recommend finding a childminder rather than a nursery. They can be more flexible on timings and offer a real home from home. They may also be able to continue to offer wraparound care once your DC start school if you pick one that picks up from a local school.

We do have grandparent childcare two days a week, but that's their choice, we could afford nursery for three days. DH and I both work full time consolidated over 4 days ago cover childcare ourselves two weekdays, which also helps. I have friends who work opposite shift patterns to reduce the need for paid childcare until funded hours kick in at three or over of you goes pay time or becomes a start at home parent (this last option is risky can affect career progression and leaves you vulnerable financially if not married). There are various ways to do it.
We were given generous gifts but had saved and could afford anything we needed for DS. Plan, save, budget accordingly and don't have more children than you can afford, we are on a healthy combined salary of over £80k basic plus overtime etc but have decided to only have one child. I would never want to be in a position where I am reliant on family for childcare because I can't afford the alternative, it's lovely they do it and DS has a wonderful relationship with all 4 grandparents due to time spent with them, but you see often enough on here people putting up with being treated poorly or having their parenting undermined because they are beholden to family members who provide free childcare.

Cut your costs everywhere you can. But secondhand. Cut the gym/Netflix/Starbucks/meals out. Accept that you will struggle to afford some of the fancy days out that peers afford.

We’ve muddled through. Two kids in childcare cost £90 a day and pretty much negated my salary at that point. But it’s only for a short time until they go to school. It comes around quickly.

We go for lots of walks and trips to the beach. Our kids love it. You don’t need Disney and constant days out.

I regular parental help here as we live too far away from both of ours.

We both work part time and so DC only red childcare two days a week which is a mixture of school nursery and childminder (one is 3 so we get 30 free hours now for that one).

Day to day it can be tough especially if DC are sick, one of us has to take time off rather than say a Granny or Grandpa taking them for the day. Also there is no being late leaving work to pick them up as we have no alternative. Finally.....time for just me and my OH is pretty minimal! We just try to carve out time in the evening for a nice takeaway and a film instead of going out.

It would certainly be much easier with regular help from family but it is manageable.

We've never had any help, either financial or physical. It took us a while to get the right set up for us, but we now both work 4 days per week. When he was nursery age, that was only 3 days in so much better than a full time bill.

Now he's at school, we already have 2 out of every 5 days covered in the holidays so cuts down on holiday club and after school costs.

Save as much as possible now for mat leave and childcare. If you can take a year may leave do. Sometimes you then get to take your annual leave. Childminder can be less expensive than nursery but obviously only if providing decent childcare as you don’t want to compromise on that. I work 3.5 days over 3 so it reduces my childcare needs by half a day. Once they are 3 it is better though not all providers do 30 hours. Mine does 15 🙁 would work condense your hours like this? We would be coming out the other side if surprise DC 3 hadn’t come along.

You just crack on. We pay a fortune for childcare. There’s a reason my car is 15 years old and we spend our holidays in a tent, and it’s neither environmental nor due to a love of the great outdoors...

I became a SAHP until the children were older.

You just do. Work out the numbers. If you can’t afford childcare or one of you to be at home or reduce hours, then you need to make some adjustments to your lifestyle before you have a baby.

I don’t really know anyone who had help from parents with childcare (don’t really know anyone who still lives near parents really). Financially it was a big hit to pay for nursery to start, my salary only contributed about £100 a month after expenses were accounted for. Years later I now have a much higher salary so it’s not a big deal and there is tax free childcare (which reduces the bill by 20% every month) and there’s funded hours from 3. Once they get to school age, if you can be creative and work flexibly you may not need childcare at all (we haven’t, despite both working full time).

We saved as much as we could prior to pay for maternity leave and bits for the baby. We spent just over £1000 on everything we needed for the baby for the first 6 months. It really doesn’t have to be expensive as you can get some great second hand stuff and there is a lot that you don’t need.

For nursery, you can get a government top up of 20%, so would cost you £48 a day. There is often a reduction for full-time places too so may end up costing you nearer £40 a day.

Also we’ve saved money as we no longer do things such as cinema, meals out etc now the baby is here. So that’s more money to spend on the LO

My dp and I both worked flexibly, and I worked every weekend to reduce our childcare. We didn't see much of each other for around 3 years. I wouldnt recommend it if you have another option though!

My mum is 74 and not that steady enough now to manage our one son. We both work full time so he goes to nursery 5 days a week. It's more than our mortgage but we manage, just don't go out much or on holiday and get lots on ebay. I'm due number 2 in October and after maternity leave I'm going part time down to 3 days a week otherwise we couldn't afford it. What will help is that our son is 3 in February so we'll get 30 free hours from April then by the time number 2 is 3 number 1 will be in school so will just be paying 1 lot of fees.

It depends on circumstances, though. If you have a job with good career development prospects and you can afford child between you, or can both drop hour to cut childcare costs, or you could work at different times of day for a couple of years, then those are good options.

We had no support, both worked, so we used child care like the vast majority of other working parents. If you can’t afford child care then it requires careful thought. You also need to consider what would you do if you have a child with additional needs that requires one of you to give up work.

All these things need to be considered.

It's the child care costs which are the issue. Everything else you can get free/secondhand/borrow but child care is really expensive. And your existing jobs will affect that- my DH worked irregular and unpredictable shifts so we had to book childcare around all my working hours as could never be sure when he would be able to look after the DC. If there is any choice at all, have both of you working predictable hours so that at least you won't end up paying for childcare that you don't actually need.

I was a SAHM for 12 years though our situation was more complicated due to dh having a long term health condition. It was just too difficult to manage his hospital stuff and care of the dc.

Dc are teens now and I've been back at work for 3 years, don't regret the time I took off for a second.

start saving now. Cut out all holidays, going out etc. Work out what it will cost until they are at school, and double it.

Our families don’t live in the UK so no regular help although DMil did fly over when we had a medical emergency. Many grandparents I know are still working full time when their grandchildren were born.

We saved up prior to having DC’s and used a nursery when I went back to work when DT’s were six months old (normal maternity leave then).