Why do people on here always bash (apparently) higher earning posters with money issue?

[strivingtosucceed]

There have been a few recent threads where posters have complained about money issues they were facing either as a result of job loss, or reduction of hours. Other posters have then unhelpfully piled on the OP with comments like 'this is tone deaf' or 'such a stealth brag' and going on the call the OP vile names.

Can we not understand that everyone is allowed to have their own money issues, and that there will always be someone better or worse off. Only the person wearing the shoe knows where it pinches, and giving them a headache about how privileged they should feel doesn't help.

Case in point, i'm now unemployed due to COVID. I've held off on applying for some roles because they were much lower paid than my previous salary at £23-26k. If push comes to shove then i'll definitely start applying to them, but would I be stealth boasting if I posted this exact dilemna??

It’s a facet I’ve always struggled with in mumsnet. My DH was a high earner on 70k, I earned 25k and we bought a beautiful house. It was expensive but with our earning capacity it was manageable. Life happens - I was made redundant whilst pg, became disabled, beautiful house became a money pit, I fell pg very quickly naturally with a surprise baby (DD1 was conceived via IVF - we were considered infertile without using fertility treatments) which then put further restrictions on how I worked (2 under 2s and disability meant I am completely restricted to desk jobs when at the time if I could I would have worked overnight in a supermarket). I considered posting but felt I would not have got the support I desperately needed. No one knew - not even my family because sadly, they saw us as being high earners so why did we have so many problems managing?
We moved to a new home and it sorted out a lot of problems overnight. We managed to reduce our mortgage by a third. When the girls were in school I got a part time job in an office further helping our situation. My DH then lost his job and spent a year out of work. We weren’t entitled to any benefits other than his jobseekers due to his previous high earnings that year - we did get free school meals the year after which I didn’t use. I think I got child benefit too. That year, I went without food sometimes to feed my family.
I still wouldn’t have posted but my family were better placed to understand.
There was a point somewhere which I think was that you don’t always know what goes on behind closed doors, you don’t know what financial commitments people have and how their finances are structured. It seems a shame that sometimes someone will post and not get the support they need.

Did you see the article in The Times About how miserable Boris Johnson is about money - he doesn’t have enough - only £150,000 and he’s got 4 kids to support - maybe Carrie has been on here having a good moan about it too!

Being both a landlord and a pretty decent earner I could easily get some stick on here (I have for being a LL). However, I actually am aware of how much disposable income I have because I don't have a large mortgage, cars on finance, kids in private school etc so wouldn't post on here asking for advice. But I do read the posts. And what is quite obvious to me is that the delivery of the question will shape the debate. The "how will I cope on £100k" threads are going to get people's back up. If you are in genuine need of advice, frame your question differently...

"How will I cope with a reduction in household income of 25%?"

But, be prepared to get flamed from some people who manage on a lot less. However I agree with the points that once you're locked in to a lot of things its not as easy to get out as people on here say. So I take the point...but you also have to understand that you're still in a VERY fortunate position compared to a lot of people, and understanding that would go a long way.

I agree OP. There is always somebody worse off, but people tend to cut their cloth according to their income. There are high earners and low earners on here - a money problem should be able to be raised whichever bracket you're in - without justification and pile-ons.

I guess I'm also very sympathetic because, as I said earlier, I've gone from comfortable (£32k salary, home owner, partner on decent wage) to homeless before in a very scarily short space of time. And some of the reason for my crashing so hard was that in the early stages - the first month in which I found out my partner was cheating, had to move out, lost my job - I was in this confused emotional haze of shame and loss and didn't feel able to talk to anyone about how bad things were, while also being in no good emotional state to be making sensible hard headed decisions. I hate the thought of others not being able to get good advice from here because they aren't seen as deserving of advice unless they start out poor.

It's jealousy. Pure and simple. MN is full of woe is me. It's almost fashionable to be the worst off in anything on here. If you don't meet certain subjective criteria apparently you have no right to seek advise.

@GallusAlice79

Being both a landlord and a pretty decent earner I could easily get some stick on here (I have for being a LL). However, I actually am aware of how much disposable income I have because I don't have a large mortgage, cars on finance, kids in private school etc so wouldn't post on here asking for advice. But I do read the posts. And what is quite obvious to me is that the delivery of the question will shape the debate. The "how will I cope on £100k" threads are going to get people's back up. If you are in genuine need of advice, frame your question differently...

"How will I cope with a reduction in household income of 25%?"

But, be prepared to get flamed from some people who manage on a lot less. However I agree with the points that once you're locked in to a lot of things its not as easy to get out as people on here say. So I take the point...but you also have to understand that you're still in a VERY fortunate position compared to a lot of people, and understanding that would go a long way.

Honestly, I think we're all adults here, no-one should have to police their tone at the thought of people in other circumstances feeling bad on a forum. I have just lost my job, i'm also single and wistfully looking at 1 bed flats i might just be able to buy in the next decade, would I be within my rights to go on other people's posts and moan about how they should be grateful because I don't have what they have.

The point i'm making here is, even if I posted in an acceptable tone as long as I earn over what seems like £30k i'll get piled on my other posters who earn less that can't seem to understand that my current situation is stressful for me and I don't think it's right.

Because it's insensitive especially during the current climate.

@strivingtosucceed

We are adults here, on a forum with strangers. All of whom are entitled to give their opinion.

I have mentioned my salary (higher than £30k) and expected pension (defined benefit) on numerous posts, and I have never had abuse for it, despite them clearly being higher than a lot of people on here.

So in my experience, having a higher salary does not always get abuse. Equally in my experience, those that do get abuse, are generally completely oblivious to how other people live, and that gets peoples backs up.

That is my opinion which is what was asked for.

If you don't want to adjust your tone, don't. But you know what will happen...and that obviously bothers you enough to start a thread about it.

@strivingtosucceed

I do want to clarify that I have seen downright jealousy and unnecessary spite. I just don't think it's always the case.

I also totally agree that anyone should be able to ask for advice irrespective of their circumstances. I just personally think that if you genuinely want advice, its worth thinking about what you say/how you frame it. Otherwise you might not get the best advice.

I think some people live in a bubble at both ends of the wealth spectrum. The high earners can't understand what it's like to have very little, and low incomes find it hard to understand how high earners can struggle. It's all to do with walking in another persons shoes, in real life this isn't possible.
I lost my job earlier this year and I'm living on benefits at the moment, it's hard but I'm grateful for the safety net until I can find another job. I couldn't really care less what other people earn - good for them, I bet they've worked for it.

I also meant to say that I can't get worked up about what people earn - we're all different!