Why do people on here always bash (apparently) higher earning posters with money issue?

[strivingtosucceed]

There have been a few recent threads where posters have complained about money issues they were facing either as a result of job loss, or reduction of hours. Other posters have then unhelpfully piled on the OP with comments like 'this is tone deaf' or 'such a stealth brag' and going on the call the OP vile names.

Can we not understand that everyone is allowed to have their own money issues, and that there will always be someone better or worse off. Only the person wearing the shoe knows where it pinches, and giving them a headache about how privileged they should feel doesn't help.

Case in point, i'm now unemployed due to COVID. I've held off on applying for some roles because they were much lower paid than my previous salary at £23-26k. If push comes to shove then i'll definitely start applying to them, but would I be stealth boasting if I posted this exact dilemna??

It’s a very British thing ( but not a nice one). MSE is the same.

It's not the low earners on here who are delusional about finances. It's the "well, 80k isn't actually that much in London" or the "is 2k per month after rent, food and utilities enough???" Or the "well, 5k disposable income per month doesn't actually go that far as we're still paying off the range rover, have to cater for two horses, have to pay for the obligatory 6 extra curricular activities for each child and yes, I do need to spend £200 per month at the hairdresser's".

Now, the last one is an exaggeration, sure. But generally, higher income people do not have money problems, they have spending problems.

@GoldfishParade

I think ultimately because if shit gets bad you can just sell your house, rent a flat and ride it out.

For many other people financial worries mean on the breadline and facing homelessness

People have different experiences of “struggling”. Things are tight for us at the moment, but we can buy groceries each week, we can keep the car running, I have a small amount of savings for emergencies. This is light years away from people who fear eviction, who go hungry so their kids can eat, who have to make choices between food and heating. I can understand why people get angry.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with someone realising they haven't got the foggiest about finances and wanting some advice whether they're income is £15k or £50k."

No, but the way posters present this is usually totally bloody oblivious to how many people actually have to live.

Not "I know I am lucky to earn a good wage, I have a problem with money management."

It pisses me off when I see a poster on 3 or 4 times the national average income bleating about not being able to get by or have everything they want, when there are people working 3 jobs just to keep their families fed.

"Because it is galling to be on a low income and hear a person on a high income complain about their lot.

So what should these people do? Keep their emotions bottle up?"

TBH yes. Unless they can show some fragment of self-awareness.

I think there is a wide belief amongst a lot of MNers that anyone who says they earn above 100k are lying (and no I don't earn that!)

Whereas living in London I know people who are on salaries ranging between 20k to 400k pa.

The one that did make me laugh was the woman who asked how much people had in savings. Apparently () she owned 3 properties and lived on her very generous husband's salary who had MASSIVE savings, and yet was fretful as she only had £6k savings.

Didn't believe a word of that one

Genuinely, if a poster can't "manage" on £1500 disposable income (after bills, food etc), I am incredulous that they have the intellect and resilience to hold down a job at such a high level

What most people missed/ignored on that thread was that they didn't have £1500 pm disposable income as they hadn't accounted for quite a few essential expenditures.

They also weren't high earners but were on about £20k pa each but had cut down their expenses to very low levels, eg £280 pm groceries for a family of 4. Many would claim they couldn't possibly spend that little or be able to cut down a much larger grocery budget.

@Cassilis why would that one be untrue, just out of interest?

Maybe he was keeping the bulk of the savings to himself?

I do feel like people should shut up with their whinging about belt tightening when it's something like those threads op. I don't say so, because it's rude and unnecessary - I change thread instead. Perhaps the people answering snipily are just less good at 'walking' away from the thread.

The reason I feel like that, is because as a child we were so skint I was sometimes actually starving. I have eaten stolen food, rotten food, food from charities and in one rural european location a bag of dead squirrels, donated by a worried farmer. He had killed them as vermin. I have friends who have resorted to street sex work at times. I have had friends who's financial issues have left them on the actual street for months at a time. Because of all of this, when I hear people complaining about that kind of money troubles - the sort that see you downsize your home, pull the kids from private school and sell the second car; the sort that leave you functionally fine, just in reduced circumstances... Well, I find a sort of perverse humour in that people actually think those are money troubles. In much the same way I find it funny when someone complains about a long walk and it turns out to be 5 miles.

Life is relative - what is awful for some, can still be more than many can ever dream of. For those people these worries are still bragging, still highlighting how even the reduced circumstances are more than many could hope for (and yet obviously considered a shit life), so it gets a response as though they are simply still stealth bragging but in a wierd way.

As I say though, I don't ever post on those threads, because I still think it's rude to say so, if unasked. But perhaps thats why.

@BarbaraofSeville

I read that post and the only thing that poster hasn't accounted for was gifts, family presents, new bikes for the kids if I recall!!!! Well if she couldn't wrap that all up in £1500 for the entire year rather than per MONTH then her sense of reality was waaaaay off

I agree it was possible but it just didn't ring true. She didn't have any savings because she blew them all on 2 properties, but yet had no thoughts on rental income. She just kept on drip feeding things.

^ to @dollypartonscoat

The one higher earner post that did piss me off though was the one where the husband was on £70k a year and they were claiming £400 a month Universal Credit on top of that!

I don’t generally post on money threads but the wide eyed incredulous high earners can be a bit sickening. What do they want people to say “gosh, I can see how difficult it must be to make ends meet on £250k”?

Also I tend to think there is heavy trolling going on.

I think some people's sense of reality is in fact off. Started new job with others and got first wage. We're all on same whack but I'm the only one not living with my parents. My disposable income after outgoings is like £200 compared to their £1000. The rest of the group were complaining £1k is not enough for them and they may need to ask their parents to reduce their £100 a month rent they change them 😂 I feel most of them will get a shock when they finally move out.

TBH yes. Unless they can show some fragment of self-awareness.

Wow, it's really sad that people actually think like this. Maybe Xenia really does need to create a forum for higher earning women.

No, but the way posters present this is usually totally bloody oblivious to how many people actually have to live.

Hmm, so how would someone go about acknowledging this? And what is the earnings limit that allows you to complain?

@Herja i'm sorry you had such a harrowing childhood. People don't react the same way to experiences though. To people in my country of origin even the sad stories you've written would be seen as better than what they're currently experiencing. There is always someone worse off.

I've been in both positions. Both are very unpleasant but for different reasons.

When I got to the point of wondering how I wasn't going to pay rent expecting to be evicted, and having a couple of pounds to eat, it was certainly scary. BUT, 'all' I need to get back to where I was before was to get any job and getting any job, low paid wasn't such a frightening prospect. Indeed, that's what I did and I was able to quickly get back to where I was.

When I left my then well paid job for another, but the new one fail through, ecen though I then had assets to sale, a mortgage so not as likely to be homeless soon, it was scarier because I had much more to lose and getting back to the sane position was much more difficult.

In the end, I was lucky to get my old job back but it really made me realise how quickly all those things I built and made it my normality could disappear with much fewer options.

Why does being well off give someone a pass to be- sorry to say it but- thick!
I have criticised those stressing about having disposable similar to mine so it’s neither jealousy or a race to the bottom. If a grown adult wonders how they will buy a pint of milk with only £200 quid in their account, I’m going to call them out on it!

[quote ivfbeenbusy]@BarbaraofSeville

I read that post and the only thing that poster hasn't accounted for was gifts, family presents, new bikes for the kids if I recall!!!! Well if she couldn't wrap that all up in £1500 for the entire year rather than per MONTH then her sense of reality was waaaaay off [/quote]
No she hadn't accounted for car expenses & maintenance, clothes, childcare and any other miscellaneous expenses and she had just gotten a job after being out of one for 4 months so no savings. Granted, that probably wouldn't have wiped out all £1500 but she was essentially starting from scratch.

@strivingtosucceed

As I said before. Unless you have last tenner till the end of the year and 1 chicken to feed family of 16, don't dare to post.

OMG, i'm almost crying here!

@JingsMahBucket

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4024963-1-5k-disposable-income-a-month-is-enough

@riotlady funny enough OP was agreeing with that sentiment. It was her husband that wasn't on board. I don't think with a household income of £40k she was rolling in it either, she just happened to have lower expenses and she actually forgot her other (necessary) recurring expenses because they weren't household bills.

Yeah that one wasn’t so bad, but there was a v similar one a few weeks prior where the poster herself didn’t seem to have any idea that that was quite a good level of disposable income. I gave her proper advice at the time but it’s hard not to roll your eyes a bit. The fact that there’s SO MANY of these types of threads makes it more galling, I think.

I think the phrasing of “is this enough to live on” as opposed to “how do I manage this budget/where do I cut down” is really annoying too. Like people on less than 40k don’t exist or are dying of starvation

No she hadn't accounted for car expenses & maintenance, clothes, childcare and any other miscellaneous expenses she’d accounted for food- had no childcare costs and with re: car it was just petrol

I agree. Anyone with money in general. I remember not long ago a women asking where she could buy in London in a good area with a decent size garden with around £2.5m. She was treated with such distain especially as that budget isn’t actually that big for a nice area of central London if you want a big garden. People occupy different worlds but doesn’t mean people at the upper end don’t also have worries and concerns. Just because some people aren’t worried about where their next meal is coming from doesn’t mean doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to have worries of their own.

@NameChange9824

I have to admit that the phrase "you have to cut your cloth" drives me a bit mad. As if most people could just stop buying caviar or something. People make financial commitments - mortgages, car repayments, etc- and suddenly not having the money is a nightmare. It isn't exactly easy to just tell your bank "sorry - no mortgage this month".

Agree with this when it comes to questions about being able to afford necessary outgoings and also that some necessary outgoings for some may be outwardly luxurious but if the person is tied into them they are.

I hate the money threads recently, I find them all very infuriating. Everyone is different, everyone's lifestyle and expectations are different and it seemed to me it was a comparison exercise which I hate (keeping kuo with the Jones's) 😝 I have no issue with talking about money but I don't feel its needed. Some people are just insecure and need validate themselves and others are trolls 😂