Why do people on here always bash (apparently) higher earning posters with money issue?

[strivingtosucceed]

There have been a few recent threads where posters have complained about money issues they were facing either as a result of job loss, or reduction of hours. Other posters have then unhelpfully piled on the OP with comments like 'this is tone deaf' or 'such a stealth brag' and going on the call the OP vile names.

Can we not understand that everyone is allowed to have their own money issues, and that there will always be someone better or worse off. Only the person wearing the shoe knows where it pinches, and giving them a headache about how privileged they should feel doesn't help.

Case in point, i'm now unemployed due to COVID. I've held off on applying for some roles because they were much lower paid than my previous salary at £23-26k. If push comes to shove then i'll definitely start applying to them, but would I be stealth boasting if I posted this exact dilemna??

@dontdisturbmenow - yes, me too. I've been so broke I've considered sex work because anything was better than eating half a pack of super noodles for the day.

I've also gone from comfortable to broke and it was scary. In a matter of months I went from comfortable middle class to sleeping in my car and defaulting on everything after a bad break up and job loss. In some ways that was worse because when I was brassic before I was at rock bottom but one pay cheque got me moving again. The second time round I ended up with debts, and defaults and black marks on my credit rating and it took me five years to get myself clear of all that.

@ivfbeenbusy

The one higher earner post that did piss me off though was the one where the husband was on £70k a year and they were claiming £400 a month Universal Credit on top of that!

Is this the one where then the gov wanted money back and OP was looking for sympathy or was that another one?

I saw the 1500 a month left over thread.
I'm really bad at maths but I could work out my finances and if I had that over after all the things we have to pay for it would be ' happy days' !
It amazes me what people can't do or work out for themselves really.
Save it up for the future would be my advice!
(agree that anyone with a few bob are vilified on here sometimes! )

I can’t understand why people don’t scroll on by... if the thread annoys you or makes you angry or upset. Saying that, it’s a public forum
I think a lot of it is made up rubbish anyway. But I’d never post to say I earn £80k and £40k a year is disposable, but it’s not enough, is it??? and the. expect not to take a roasting!

It’s envy, OP, and together with greed it eats away at many people. They will never be happy because there will always be someone with more than them and they will always envy that person.

Human beings are not all nice people.

@Herja

I do feel like people should shut up with their whinging about belt tightening when it's something like those threads op. I don't say so, because it's rude and unnecessary - I change thread instead. Perhaps the people answering snipily are just less good at 'walking' away from the thread.

The reason I feel like that, is because as a child we were so skint I was sometimes actually starving. I have eaten stolen food, rotten food, food from charities and in one rural european location a bag of dead squirrels, donated by a worried farmer. He had killed them as vermin. I have friends who have resorted to street sex work at times. I have had friends who's financial issues have left them on the actual street for months at a time. Because of all of this, when I hear people complaining about that kind of money troubles - the sort that see you downsize your home, pull the kids from private school and sell the second car; the sort that leave you functionally fine, just in reduced circumstances... Well, I find a sort of perverse humour in that people actually think those are money troubles. In much the same way I find it funny when someone complains about a long walk and it turns out to be 5 miles.

Life is relative - what is awful for some, can still be more than many can ever dream of. For those people these worries are still bragging, still highlighting how even the reduced circumstances are more than many could hope for (and yet obviously considered a shit life), so it gets a response as though they are simply still stealth bragging but in a wierd way.

As I say though, I don't ever post on those threads, because I still think it's rude to say so, if unasked. But perhaps thats why.

My feelings are similar to this tbh though I haven't had those life experiences x

This sums up British mentality OP.

I don’t understand why someone would think it was bragging. What would someone get out of bragging to random strangers on the internet?

TBH yes. Unless they can show some fragment of self-awareness.

Wow, it's really sad that people actually think like this. Maybe Xenia really does need to create a forum for higher earning women.

But when people post stuff like "is 3k pcm disposable income enough to live on?" that is patently showing no awareness, at all, of one's own privileged position.

No, but the way posters present this is usually totally bloody oblivious to how many people actually have to live.

Hmm, so how would someone go about acknowledging this? And what is the earnings limit that allows you to complain?

It's not the level of earnings, it's the attitude. Yes, if you earn a packet you might still be in debt, because you'd managed your money poorly, or made expensive commitments without much foresight, or because your income actually didn't meet your aspiration. But you probably had the choice to start with.

I have seen loads of threads where the level of income is not relevant.

The things around worry, not being able to pay for things etc would be enough. Putting in a massive salary/ family income is always going to piss people off.

Understandably so.

The cries of jealously are pathetic. I am very comfortably off and think it's in insensitive. It's not rich versus less so, it's having a bit of fucking common sense.

Just get rid of the horse. There's always a horse.

I do think people are quick to get the knives out, but also it often just requires a but of common sense.

I earn a good amount and I'm allowed to have money worries but framing it dramatically like 'can I live on' or 'how will I cope' is a bit tone deaf, especially considering a lot of the country are financially struggling.

Similarly I had easy pregnancies/births, but i wouldn't make a post about it (even if it was somehow relevant!) without noting that I am aware I was lucky, as I know it was not the case for a lot of people. Especially on here where it's mostly parents- struggling with money while having kids is a new level if stressful

They always seem to end up on the mumsnet Reddit troll forum too - well the £1500 & the £1600 did recently anyway

I wonder if it’s a mostly female thing? Men don’t have to have such an issue with high earners IMO.

I think its very difficult to suddenly have a massive reduction in income as not all your outgoings can just stop. People are tied to all sorts of contracts and houses can take ages to sell. I have nothing but sympathy for people losing their jobs, breakup or becoming ill. I dont want people losing everything and having to start over. It doesnt improve other people's life to add another strughling person to the pile.
But i do feel a bit bemused by people with stable higher than average incomes complaining theres not much left after they have bought all the things they need - especially when those needs are better than average house, car, healthcare, education, food etc. Im not sure what other purpose the money is supposed to have.

Well anything can be "insensitive".

It's very subjective. I do think that some posters are often massively projecting (not just on money threads) and should have a think about their own lives...

I've also gone from comfortable to broke and it was scary.

I totally get this.

No, but the way posters present this is usually totally bloody oblivious to how many people actually have to live.

I have to admit, I was one of these people before I joined mn, maybe that's why i'm so sympathetic to these posters. I never realised why people used to live on benefits, till I realised just how low some people are paid and that's me with a mum who has never earned more than 30k.

I'm a daughter of immigrants and always wondered why people didn't just work harder like my own parents did. I think both sides could do with some empathy and understanding of the other side.

Generalising, I think the gulf between what MC people consider essentials and what WC do is very wide, hence the disconnect and perhaps tiny violins.

It depends on the thread.

On a thread where a higher earning poster has lived within their means, planned a lifestyle around a comfortable but not mega rich income, but due to illness or redundancy is faced with difficult decisions such as changing their child's school/selling the family home unless they can find a way to cut back further, then I think people who are goady or unpleasant need to get a grip and stop kicking someone when they're down.

On threads where higher earners start threads 'not understanding' how anyone can survive on household incomes of under £80,000, lamenting they'll never be able to afford children because their ideal school costs £15,000 a term, or lockdown measures are so difficult because DC has had to go without their skiing break etc are opening themselves right up to ridicule.

I hate this about Mumsnet. You can't ask for advice unless you're on the absolute breadline without being attacked.

Because they usually have way more Plan B options than those of us who live pay day to pay day. They often have wealthy relatives, inhritance £, land, 2nd or 3rd property, holiday property , ISA's, skills & qualifications that mean they'll be unemployed only for a short while, etc etc etc

@CSIblonde - and you have loads more Plan B options than a lot of people in the world - the NHS, access to a benefits system if you need it, you are healthy enough to be able to work. Does that mean you can't have bad times and ask for advice?

@Namechange9824, I work & I'm not poor but I'm not rich either. If you think a life on benefits is easy you are uninformed. I taught in a part of Derby where the unemploynent level as off the scale, unskilled ,porky educated demographic. The poverty was Dickensian, children thin, ,dirty,never seen meat so didn't know how to cut it up etc,children with burns from trying to cook their own meals etc. Sheltered life,narrow vision springs to mind for a lot of wealthy people who insist benefit ls are an easy choice..

"typos due to phone issues.

@CSIblonde - that was absolutely not my point. I'm not saying that benefits are easy. I'm pointing out that compared to, say, my father who came from a country where there is absolutely no safety net, no NHS, often no access to medicine at all, and where the disabled were likely to end up begging in the street, anyone who lives in the UK is lucky and sheltered and has access to more of a Plan B.

You are saying you tend to not to sympathize with people from a more middle class background who fall on hard times because they have more options than people like you who live pay cheque to pay cheque. I'm saying that you have more options than many other people in the world. It's all a spectrum. Someone will always have it worse.