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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To punish DD for this?

68 replies

EternalBeloved · 18/09/2020 13:47

DD who is 12 has gone through a few phones by carelessly breaking them. I just bought her one final phone with strict warning that its her last and if she breaks it then she's not having another.
Today I was hoovering and DD2 had sat her water bottle on the rug so I quickly sat it up on the chair upright near my phone which was on the same chair. I went to put the hoover away and DD had sat the water bottle sideways on top of my phone so she could sit in the chair. It was empty but could easily have had water in, causing her to break MY phone on top of all the others.
I questioned her on it and she was nonchalant and just said it was empty so its not big deal. I've given her a row and am considering taking her phone away because imo she doesn't care and could easily have just broken another phone. However, DH thinks im being harsh. Opinions please?

OP posts:
Purplelion · 18/09/2020 13:48

You’re being ridiculous. Just put the water bottle on a side or a table, not near a phone whether it’s empty or not.

ScrapThatThen · 18/09/2020 13:48

Read about teenage brains. But do correct her careless actions and don't replace her phone - brick only.

Oysterbabe · 18/09/2020 13:49

She didn't break the phone. The bottle was empty. I don't understand the issue.

StatementKnickers · 18/09/2020 13:50

YABU to punish her for leaving an empty water bottle on your phone but YABU also for letting a 12yo have "gone through a few phones by carelessly breaking them" and you keep providing replacements. No wonder she's careless.

44PumpLane · 18/09/2020 13:51

You can't punish her for not breaking your phone because if the situation were different she MIGHT have broken your phone.

If the bottle had been full you may not have put it next to your phone, she might not have put the bottle there etc etc.

I agree with making a point of it and telling her to be careful, I also thoroughly agree with you following through on no more new phones when she eventually breaks thr one she has..... These are totally appropriate punishments.

sapnupuas · 18/09/2020 13:51

But, it didn't have water in it. I don't understand.

sparklefarts · 18/09/2020 13:52

Yeah, she didn't break your phone OP.
YABU

ApolloandDaphne · 18/09/2020 13:53

You cannot punish her for something that didn't happen. Just a reminder to be more careful would suffice on this occasion.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 18/09/2020 13:54

You might have broken the phone/window/ornament with the hoover. ..
But you didn't
She hasnt done anything wrong so don't punish her for nothing.
You need to give her a chance to prove she can be trusted with phones.
If/when she breaks her phone you follow through your agreement but not over not breaking something

Mangofandangoo · 18/09/2020 13:55

Maybe you should just focus on teaching her to be less careless

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 18/09/2020 13:55

YABU to leave your phone carelessly on a chair where it could easily get damaged.

DillyDilly · 18/09/2020 13:56

You are being ridiculous, punishing her for what might have happened.

Did you explain to your DD2 that she shouldn’t have left the water bottle on the floor.

Did you ‘give yourself a row’ for being so silly as to leave your phone on a chair and then put the water bottle on the chair - if you hadn’t done this, your DD wouldn’t have had to move the water bottle close to the phone to sit on the chair - you are being ridiculous, totally.

mollibu · 18/09/2020 13:57

You're being SO ridiculous. You want to punish her for NOT breaking your phone? Get over yourself.

PinkSnowAndStars · 18/09/2020 13:58

YABU. Save the punishment for when she’s actually done something wrong.

reginaphalangeeee · 18/09/2020 13:58

You can’t punish her for something that might have happened! That’s ridiculous. The bottle was empty, you don’t know if she still would have done the same if it wasn’t empty.

Original poster
EternalBeloved · 18/09/2020 13:59

Thinking for a moment IABU, the kids have been on a disrespectful streak recently and I think I've just reached a limit today. I've had yoghurt packets left on my sofa when I have a dairy allergic toddler, when I've told them 1000000 times not to leave them lying around. Just an example. The phone thing I now see is not the issue, im just stressed out and this was the straw that broke the camels back and I've reacted in the wrong way.

OP posts:
Mumoftwo1994 · 18/09/2020 13:59

@EternalBeloved

DD who is 12 has gone through a few phones by carelessly breaking them. I just bought her one final phone with strict warning that its her last and if she breaks it then she's not having another. Today I was hoovering and DD2 had sat her water bottle on the rug so I quickly sat it up on the chair upright near my phone which was on the same chair. I went to put the hoover away and DD had sat the water bottle sideways on top of my phone so she could sit in the chair. It was empty but could easily have had water in, causing her to break MY phone on top of all the others. I questioned her on it and she was nonchalant and just said it was empty so its not big deal. I've given her a row and am considering taking her phone away because imo she doesn't care and could easily have just broken another phone. However, DH thinks im being harsh. Opinions please?
Yeah you can't punish her for something she hasn't actually done, even if the water bottle was full. You can't complain she's careless if that's what you were doing, empty or not.
DillyDilly · 18/09/2020 14:01

Stop buying the yoghurt if your older children wont dispose of the cartons in a respectful manner.

AlexaShutUp · 18/09/2020 14:06

Well done op for taking a step back and accepting that you're unreasonable. We all make stupid decisions when we're stressed. Hope things get less stressful for you soon.

kfcplease · 18/09/2020 14:10

You can't punish her for something that MIGHT have happened.

kfcplease · 18/09/2020 14:11

@AlexaShutUp

Well done op for taking a step back and accepting that you're unreasonable. We all make stupid decisions when we're stressed. Hope things get less stressful for you soon.
Agree well done OP 😊
FunorFitness · 18/09/2020 14:20

You punished her for some imaginary scenario that could have happened? Presumably she looked at the bottle and saw it was empty? and would have acted differently if it had been full?

unmarkedbythat · 18/09/2020 14:21

@EternalBeloved oh good outcome :) Hope your day gets better!

Wotrewelookinat · 18/09/2020 14:23

If you make a mountain out of this non-event you will risk damaging your relationship with her.

Zaphodsotherhead · 18/09/2020 14:23

Can you get her a padded cover for her phone?

My kids constantly break their screens. I think all five of them are now operating with phones with anything from a chip to a fully fractured screen, because they are all too cool to have phone covers.

I have mine in a very uncool holder and have never once broken a screen (and I stood on my phone once).