To punish DD for this?

[EternalBeloved]

DD who is 12 has gone through a few phones by carelessly breaking them. I just bought her one final phone with strict warning that its her last and if she breaks it then she's not having another.
Today I was hoovering and DD2 had sat her water bottle on the rug so I quickly sat it up on the chair upright near my phone which was on the same chair. I went to put the hoover away and DD had sat the water bottle sideways on top of my phone so she could sit in the chair. It was empty but could easily have had water in, causing her to break MY phone on top of all the others.
I questioned her on it and she was nonchalant and just said it was empty so its not big deal. I've given her a row and am considering taking her phone away because imo she doesn't care and could easily have just broken another phone. However, DH thinks im being harsh. Opinions please?

thank you to the women who said well done, sometimes we all make mistakes and I am always the first to admit when im wrong, once I realise that is! Hard day at the end of a hard week! DD wasn't punished, I apologised and we are going to watch a movie

I came on to say I couldn't be arsed to tell someone off for this when there are so many other things you have to tell them off for but it seems you reached the same conclusion! Courage!

You need to focus on the actual issues rather than this. Leaving their rubbish around, is unacceptable, allergic kid or not. And why on earth do you KEEP buying a phone when one is broken, unless you're giving her £10 bricks from argos, you're mad.

I can definitely see the camel-breaking straw there!

But yeah, you can't punish her when she didn't actually break your phone.

However, I agree with the "stop buying yoghurts" option (or at least get non-dairy ones and if they don't like it, too bloody bad). I also totally agree with your stance on not buying your careless DD another phone if she breaks the current one.

But why IS she so careless? You say it's a disrespectful thing but has she always been careless, losing or damaging things, or is this a new puberty-related issue?

As you can see, plenty of people already can't understand why you're frustrated about your DD's behaviour here because nothing happened THIS TIME - your DD will be one of them too, and would always remember how UNFAIR you were to punish her when nothing was actually wrong, so let this one go.

I do understand that it's not this particular thing, it's just the whole set up. My DH is like your DD - he can't understand why I'm upset when nothing actually went wrong, and can't for the life of him process what could have happened, when it didn't. This is why he didn't zip the net on the trampoline until DS1 fell out onto the concrete; and why he didn't stop his mother from taking DS1 swimming in the lake until he had to jump in and rescue them both from drowning because she lost her footing. He is reactive, not proactive. And focuses only on the minutiae of what actually happens rather than the bigger picture. (Lots of people do).

Stroppy tweens are a real PITA - I have one myself, who at 12 believes he's already an adult (doesn't help that he looks at least 14!) - and it's wearisome, to say the least.

I don't think you should put your phone on a chair

I can see why you're irritated, especially as you've replaced several phones before. But she's not actually broken it, so I would just warn her to take better care of it and stick to your word of not replacing it if she breaks it again.

You want to punish her for putting an empty bottle on top of your phone, because in an alternate universe it might have had water in it? WTF?

^ Oh, since I refreshed you've agreed that you were being unreasonable. I take back my post.

@StatementKnickers

YABU to punish her for leaving an empty water bottle on your phone but YABU also for letting a 12yo have "gone through a few phones by carelessly breaking them" and you keep providing replacements. No wonder she's careless.

This.

If she wants another phone, she works for it. Doing jobs around the house, helping out...To replace phones willy nilly is nuts.

@EternalBeloved

Thinking for a moment IABU, the kids have been on a disrespectful streak recently and I think I've just reached a limit today. I've had yoghurt packets left on my sofa when I have a dairy allergic toddler, when I've told them 1000000 times not to leave them lying around. Just an example. The phone thing I now see is not the issue, im just stressed out and this was the straw that broke the camels back and I've reacted in the wrong way.

The easy answer to this is eating in the kitchen or dining room only. Or as others have said no more dairy. I would not allow eating in another room if your dcs aren’t tidying up after themselves. My dd tidies up after herself and isn’t a breaker of phones. She has other vices though.... 😬 One of her friends otoh keeps on dropping them - teen brain growing too fast for the body causes clumsiness and lack of critical thinking.

My DD put hers in her school bag with her water bottle the first day she had it. Phone 2m she dropped down the toilet. She’s a bloody nightmare. She’s 14 now and finally looks after it. I wouldn’t take it away but I wouldn’t replace it again.

Stop leaving phones lying around and have a specific place to keep them, such as a tupperware box. Vague rules don't work with teenage brains, you have to be specific.

She didn't break anything, what's the issue.

IF she breaks a phone, give her a £12 one from Tesco until she can either earn or buy a new one.

Glad you changed your mind, when you get to the level of punishing for an empty water bottle and what could have happened, had it been full and had it broken, then it’s gone far too far.

I think your issue is that there seem to be no consequences for their poor behaviour. If my DD broke her phone through carelessness she wouldn't get another one. Likewise I wouldn't be telling her a million times about leaving yogurt wrappers lying around, I'd just stop buying them.

@StatementKnickers

YABU to punish her for leaving an empty water bottle on your phone but YABU also for letting a 12yo have "gone through a few phones by carelessly breaking them" and you keep providing replacements. No wonder she's careless.

Some kids need phones. My ds goes to school 20km away, he needs the phone to get in touch if anything goes wrong with buses etc. It's not always as simple as don't replace it.

Anyway well done on the apologising OP. It's not always a bad thing for kids to see that parents make mistakes too, own up and apologise for them.

I wouldn’t but I would tell her that she is the one to bu her next phone if she breaks it.

Unsurprisingly when I told my dcs they could have my old (totally not fashionable) phone or they could one, they both chose to buy their own phone. It was never broken....

@Aloethere but it’s as simple as replacing it with an old Nokia that doesn’t cost much but allows texting and calls.

I found that to be enough of an incentive (plus they are much less fragile!!)

I always paid for accidental breakage insurance on my kids phones and tablets when they were around age of your DD. It’s come in handy a few times. Usually only €50 or so for 3yrs coverage on a €300 phone/tablet. I would think U.K. prices would not be much different?

Teen brain fog, and over confident motor skills cause accidents to happen.

I don't think you need to take her phone away but you would be entirely reasonable to say no glasses on the floor and no food eaten in the living room.

But she didn't put a bottle with water in on top of your phone, it was empty. In what world do you think that should be punished?

I have a clumsy teenage stepson so 100% know the frustration of having things broken ALL the time and having to replace them, and it seeming as though they've learned nothing from it, but there is nothing to punish here. She did no wrong.

You really need to get yourself and your daughter decent protective cases for your phones! I've dropped mine on the pavement a couple of times, but it's in a thick, clear plastic "skin" so nothing happens.

YABU about punishing about an issue which seems as much your fault as hers and where noting got broke.

I am also not going to be one of the ppl who say well done for taking a step back because you haven't really.
Instead of realising you are wrong in this instance, and leaving it at that, you have just listed another excuse to shout at them and are now running with that.

I think it would be unreasonable to punish her for this. She didn't break it or damage it. And presumably she saw that the bottle was empty. And if one was being very particular, one could say that both of you were a bit careless in not putting it on a really solid surface such as a table!

You cannot punish her for something she didn't do!!