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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU OR MY "FRIEND" HAS LOST THE PLOT?

108 replies

Greenmandm · 17/09/2020 23:56

My DD always liked to play with trucks, cars, planes and stuff like that and doesn't like dolls at all. Also I never liked to dress her much in pink as I like all colours and she does also. She's 5. My
so called friend has 2 DD and she's all about dressing them only in pink making them "princesses".
She started telling me I should not let my DD play with trucks and boys toys as she will grow into a weirdo and i should dress her like a princess because she's a girl. She also bought my DD a few dolls on her birthday when I told her she doesn't like them.
AIBU to let my DD play with whatever she likes?

OP posts:

awesomeaircraft · 18/09/2020 08:06

YANBU. Your friend has lost the plot. It is not even worth arguing the point.

GreyShadow · 18/09/2020 08:06

It's your friend who's the weirdo!!

Aneley · 18/09/2020 08:11

My sister was a total tomboy - wouldn't wear dresses or skirts, felt best in denim overalls climbing trees. I, on the other hand, was super-princessy... we both preferred building blocks and cars to dolls and grew up in the same family. My DD wears everything - denim overalls as well as dresses and she has dolls, plush toys, building blocks and cars... her favourite is a little fire-engine toy. All perfectly normal. YANBU.

msflibble · 18/09/2020 08:14

Your friend has gone mad. Please tell her to get a grip on reality asap.

SerenDippitty · 18/09/2020 08:15

@Fromage

Whenever I hear this kind of nonsense, there is a small part of me that hopes the child in question grows up to be completely and gloriously gay.

What does being gay have to do with gender stereotypes?

FunTimes2020 · 18/09/2020 08:17

This post is too much of a cliche to be genuine

CaveMum · 18/09/2020 08:20

You know you are not being unreasonable.

Strict gender stereotypes are incredibly harmful, how will she react when they inevitably rebel against the pink world that has been forced upon them? She’s setting them up for low self esteem, and worse, when they start to question this gender crap.

As mentioned by another poster up thread, I’d send her this handy guide.

Angelina82 · 18/09/2020 08:21

She started telling me I should not let my DD play with trucks and boys toys as she will grow into a weirdo and i should dress her like a princess because she's a girl. She also bought my DD a few dolls on her birthday when I told her she doesn't like them.

Did she really though? I find it so hard to believe that a friend would suddenly come out with that shit. Are you sure you’re not just after validation/praise for merely letting your DD be herself OP?

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 18/09/2020 08:24

My dd has never been into dolls etc. One of the very few parties she ever got invited to was a princess party. She turned up rocking her best twirly skirt, leggings and dinosaur t shirt. For her birthday after the mum of the princess party girl bought dd a princess dress.

Point taken.

And that was pretty much the end of dd being invited to parties.

mogtheexcellent · 18/09/2020 08:25

Start singing this to her...

Newmumatlast · 18/09/2020 08:25

I make a conscious effort to dress my daughter in a range of colours and often buy from the supposed boys section if i think something is cool and would look lovely on her. I am also really conscious of ensuring she isn't gendered with toys so she has a selection of things including what might be traditionally considered girls and boys toys. Her favourites are her cars and her books. If she chose Princess style things thats cool by me but I want her to make choices having been given plenty of options and not to feel restricted by her gender

mogtheexcellent · 18/09/2020 08:27

And buy her children this lottie doll

fossil hunter lottie doll

Oldraver · 18/09/2020 08:38

I have a 34 year old and a 14 year old and this princess phenonemon is a very recent thing. When DS 2 was a few years there was the start of princessy things and toys being available in pink versions.

I think the whole attitude is very recent

ClementineWoolysocks · 18/09/2020 08:38

How's she going to react if her daughters show a preference for something that isn't pink and frou-frou?

Also, fuck princess culture.

CheetasOnFajitas · 18/09/2020 08:48

@WorraLiberty

If you've ever so much as sniffed Mumsnet before you'll know 100% that YANBU.

Yeah- why do you even need to ask?!

CheetasOnFajitas · 18/09/2020 08:49

@FunTimes2020

This post is too much of a cliche to be genuine

Agreed.

Joeblack066 · 18/09/2020 08:50

I loathe this “Princess” culture. They always turn out to be entitled prima donnas who bully other kids in my experience. You do you, and let DD be herself!

BloggersBlog · 18/09/2020 08:51

@FunTimes2020

This post is too much of a cliche to be genuine

I was thinking the same. YABU to post something when the answer is so obvious. Is anyone REALLY going to say "No OP you are wrong. You MUST dress her head to toe in pink, bows in hair and put a 'Princess on board' sticker in your car to ram the point home"

balancingfigure · 18/09/2020 08:56

It’s interesting that everyone agrees with OP (and I most definitely do too) because I know lots of people like OP’s friend. As a PP said society seems to be going backwards in this respect with gender reveal parties and so much emphasis on the blue/pink split of clothing and baby stuff.

Itsabeautifuldayheyhey · 18/09/2020 08:58

She started telling me I should not let my DD play with trucks and boys toys as she will grow into a weirdo
A weirdo? Did she actually say that or is it that she thinks your DD will turn out to be a lesbian or trans because of playing with boys' toys?
I have brothers and liked playing with all their toys as well as with my dolls. I do think that stereotypically boys' toys are more interesting. I don't think I've grown into a weirdo. I often buy stereotypically boys toys for my niece who requests them.

and i should dress her like a princess because she's a girl.
I think it is more weird to dress a child "like a princess". Is that just pink or is it dressing them like a flipping fairy?
As far as I can see royal princesses don't wear pink all the time.

I try and avoid buying pink for girls, not to necessarily go against stereotyping, but because I can't stand most shades of pink. However, my little niece who started out wearing other colours (because her mum's a goth) did choose to go for all the pink stuff. Drat!

YABU in needing to write a thread about this when you know the answer already.

BrieAndChilli · 18/09/2020 08:59

I think as long as children are allowed to play with everything and make thier own choices so only letting a girl with ‘girl things’ or NOT letting them play with girls things’ because that’s stereotypical are both as bad as each other!
My son when he was a toddler loved to run around with a pink glittery scarf of mine. He also had a little pink doll he loved. He also loved trains to the point of obsession.
When DD came along she played with all of DS ‘boy toys’ but also loved pink, dolls etc.
She’s now 12 and loves camping and hiking with scouts. Never wears a skirt apart from school, doesn’t like pink anymore but does like painting her nails and baking.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/09/2020 09:00

Yabu, d they aren't exposed to enough pink and sold before the age of 6 a willy will mysteriously appear overnight. Similarly in reverse playing with pink or dolls heads to the atrophy of boys willies

DowntonCrabby · 18/09/2020 09:01

Come on OP, of course you know you are NBU letting your DD do her own thing while the friend pushes her own DD into a certain box.

Friendships with vastly different parenting styles can work out but only with respect, which there is none of, on either side in this case. Move on.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/09/2020 09:08

Tomboys often turn into women who love clothes and make up as well as football and gaming. And if they never like girly things, it doesn't matter anyway.

In a nutshell.

Let your girls (and boys) enjoy exploring what their bodies and minds are capable of. Let them go deeper into the things that interest them and leave behind what doesn't. Let them grow and change and develop at their own pace.

That way you are going to raise a child who is happy in their own skin, doesn't get confused about their sex, is content to be straight, gay or bi as nature has made them, and is much less likely to experience the horrors of MH problems.

We are fortunate enough to live in a time and a culture when both boys and girls can choose any lifestyle they want - men are not confined to the smithy and the plough because they require physical strength, and women are not forced by the restrictions of pregnancy and childcare to be limited to work which could be done in or around the home.

We shouldn't throw away 50% of our children's opportunities before they've even had a chance to taste them.

ILoveFlumps · 18/09/2020 09:22

I hate all this stereotyping of children. I have twin DDs who play football (they’re 16). I also have DS 5 who has grown up in a house full of women. He likes having his nails done, his hair brushed, and has toys which are ‘aimed’ at girls.
Every year for his birthday he gets some money from my parents so he can choose some toys from the toy shop. Last year we went as normal. He likes to browse each aisle and look carefully. Then we go back and he chooses what he wants. He had chosen a couple of Paw Patrol bits and still had money left over. We then got the doll aisle. He kept looking at a baby and touching it. I asked him if he wanted it. He said yes, but it was for girls as there were only girls on the packaging. I told him it was for both girls and boys. His face lit up, he chose his baby and a couple of extra bits to go with it. Another mum and dad who were there with their daughter both laughed at him, and when their daughter questioned why a boy would want a baby they told her it was weird . We ignored them, I gave them a glare, and my happy son took them home.
He loves his baby, he looks after her, bathes her, changes her. He also plays with Lego, his kitchen, and cars.
It really annoys me when parents tell their children they can’t play with things because of their gender .
Let your daughter play with what she likes. She will grow up much more well rounded because of it.

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