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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU OR MY "FRIEND" HAS LOST THE PLOT?

108 replies

Greenmandm · 17/09/2020 23:56

My DD always liked to play with trucks, cars, planes and stuff like that and doesn't like dolls at all. Also I never liked to dress her much in pink as I like all colours and she does also. She's 5. My
so called friend has 2 DD and she's all about dressing them only in pink making them "princesses".
She started telling me I should not let my DD play with trucks and boys toys as she will grow into a weirdo and i should dress her like a princess because she's a girl. She also bought my DD a few dolls on her birthday when I told her she doesn't like them.
AIBU to let my DD play with whatever she likes?

OP posts:
Monty27 · 18/09/2020 04:40

OP this person who you speak of is your friend? You need new friends 😳

orangejuicer · 18/09/2020 04:45

YABU for typing in CAPS Grin

BlackSwan · 18/09/2020 05:07

The only weirdo here is your friend. What a dullard.

CloudSingsAloud · 18/09/2020 05:27

My DD was the same although she did have a 6 month phase of wanting to wear pink around 6. Don't get rid of the dolls though. If she makes friends with a child who only plays with dolls, it will be practical if she still has a couple.

I would like to suggest you read her The Princess In Black or Princess Florizella for those times when she is inevitably invited to a Princess party.

jessstan2 · 18/09/2020 05:41

You're not unreasonable, I didn't like dolls and much preferred cars and building sets. I grew up alright, nothing 'weird' about me (at least not in that way :-)). Pink is nice but not to the exclusion of all else; my favourite colour was and is blue but I noticed a pretty, pale pink was flattering to my complexion and started wearing that - which I suppose shows I did become feminine.

We are what we are and nobody should try to force a square peg into a round hole.

I wonder how she would feel if she had a son who liked dolls and playing with teasets?

bananaskinsnomnom · 18/09/2020 06:07

Well, some people may call me a weirdo these days but I don’t think it’s linked to the fact that I also liked playing with cars as a young child - and asked for a car garage for my 4th birthday! Also hated pink (not my mums work that one, I refused pink things). I also loved my toy kitchen though so maybe that “kept me normal”......

Honestly OP don’t worry about it! Your DD is fine. Just put the dolls away somewhere in DDs room and if they’re never played with so bit. Maybe she should go along to early years settings where boys are quite frequently prancing around in the princess dresses for giggles....

Dolls for me were for hair cuts and practising high lights. Most of my barbies only ever experienced the joy of an owner when I was in a designer mood, and drew all over them. Poor things.

Bramblecrumble · 18/09/2020 06:18

I hated Barbie when I was little. My parents friends bought me them as presents and I couldn't hide my disgust. Apparently it was embarrassing, but if they knew me or asked my mum then they wouldn't have got them. Whether I'm a weirdo, yes I've been called weird.

lifesalongsong · 18/09/2020 06:28

@Padton

You know you’re not being unreasonable. Why are you asking when you know what the answer will be?
I also read the OP thinking why is this even a question. Your friend has voiced the opinion out loud but you must also think that way or there'd be no need to ask. I can believe that there are people out there with backward views like that but, come on, you don't really think you're wrong you?
Powerbunting · 18/09/2020 06:31

You need to know exactly what she means by weirdo.

Is she homophobic, transphobic or just plain misogynistic?

Extreme gender roles feed into the idea that if you grow up somehow not embracing full femme then there's something wrong, you aren't really a woman.

In reality women enjoy a variety of pursuits. And always have.

pussycatinboots · 18/09/2020 07:04

Just remember to buy toy cars for her DDs birthdays when they come around - unless you've outgrown the friendship by then.😁😁

IdblowJonSnow · 18/09/2020 07:07

@Fromage

Ha ha, me too!

madcatladyforever · 18/09/2020 07:07

I would let my daughter lead with what she wanted to do if I had one. Both my younger sisters where pink wearing and Barbie loving whereas I was a terrible tomboy always skinning my knees and running around with the boys and a motorbiker when i grew up. In adulthood we all got degrees at university. They went on to be SAHMS and I was the career woman always worked and looked after myself.
I dont know if the tomboy in me caused that.
My son was a guns and boys toys type bu choice but grew up to be sensitive and artistic. He is a professional artist.

Redwinestillfine · 18/09/2020 07:09

I was a tomboy. I hated dolls, dresses, anything 'girly'. I spent my life outdoors covered in mud or climbing trees. My mother rarely tried to force me into a dress. She let me be. I now wear dresses a fair bit, and pink in moderation. I have never considered myself a 'wierdo'. I think being a 'tomboy' is fairly common. My Dd is a very different kettle of fish. She loved anything pink and sparkly. She plays with her dolls constantly. It's just who she is. I leave her to it. I don't think she's a weirdo (even when she hates getting muddy and is terrified of climbing trees). She is her own person and will be all the stronger for it.

SuitedandBooted · 18/09/2020 07:10

I feel sorry for kids these days. Society is going backwards.

I played with cars, action man, proper Lego (not the girly shit one!), meccano etc. I loved messy outdoor stuff, would regularly use my Dad's boxing stuff and was desperate for a chemistry set. I also had short hair, and hated wearing dresses.

I was nor "trans", gay or anything inbetween. Nobody back in the 60's and 70's batted an eyelid. I have grown into a straight, very capable woman, who loves clothes etc but still does all the DIY and car stuff!

Your friends attitude is daft, and damaging. Let your daughter play with what she wants. She will grow into a woman with a well-rounded personality. Her "princesses" on the other hand......

myoho · 18/09/2020 07:14

My daughter was dressed in all the colours of the rainbow, hated dolls (although she had them) played with cars, mecanno, lego etc, She's now an engineer and yes I would say she's probably classed as a weirdo (whatever that is) but I would say that's down to the poor girl's genes and nothing to do with how she was dressed or what she played with!

MrsMonkeyBear · 18/09/2020 07:46

Urrrgghh!!! I detest people like this.

My go to response to people who question why my daughters are playing with "boys toys" is: "Does the toy need a penis to operate it?" If the response is no, then its just a toy. If its yes, then the toy is obviously not suitable for a child.

I played with cars, mechano, lego and tools as a child. Did I care, no. Has it impacted myself as an adult? Other than the fact, I'm quite a hands on person and can fix most things, nope.

greysome · 18/09/2020 07:47

Your friend is completely ridiculous!! I was always very neutral with clothes and toys with DD, and quite inwardly against all things princess and Disney. However she's 4 and obsessed with everything pink, being a princess and playing with dolls.

I don't actively encourage this, but as it's her choice I don't deny her preferences. Personally I would prefer if if she wasn't dressed head to toe in pink and constantly pretending to be a princess but it's not my call. I do certainly try to encourage other things as well and in fairness she has other interests, loves playing in mud, climbing trees and pottering around with a chicken under her arm - but always in a pink dress!

DD is her own person now and has her own preferences, they are certainly not my own but they don't make her weird and I won't be strong arming her into a different direction.

Fallsballs · 18/09/2020 07:48

YABU for going back to the 1950’s with your AIBU

MiniMaxi · 18/09/2020 07:51

FFS. I played with “boys toys” a lot as a kid. Didn’t do me any harm. I’m still not a super girly girl but not weird I don’t think....!

SafeInBed · 18/09/2020 07:54

I call my daughter princess, but dress her in all colours like you, and she much prefers playing with trucks or animal toys rather than dolls. She is 4. Princess as a nickname was not chosen because of the girly connotations such as dresses and daintyness or whatever, it was just like she's a little me, so I'm the boss "or queen" and she's my princess. Princesses can wear whatever they like, it's just a word. My DD is totally not a girly-girl princess, but we still use it.

All this dresses and frills etc is really sickly sweet and might do for a special event but most days my DD is just in leggings and a t shirt with trainers. My DDs fave colour is blue too.

Your friend sounds nuts.

terrywynne · 18/09/2020 07:56

@Inkpaperstars

Is your friend visiting from the mid 1800s?
Unlikely as, if she was, she would be dressing her girls in pale blue/white/primrose because pink is for boys Grin

This colour coding of toys has got crazily bad in the last 40 years. It was much more primary colours/gender neutral when I was a kid (though in other ways stereotypes/expectations of girls/women have improved this has not).

What always gets me though is that everything for girls is increasingly pink, women wear lots of blue and other colours
(including those whose girls are dressed head to two pink). When are you seemed old enough to have more colours? Hmm

Bexily · 18/09/2020 07:56

My DD used to love cars etc she had a big box full, train jigsaws etc. Fast forward to now, age 9, and she's into dolls and dresses. My. DS, age 5, has a doll and pram but is very much a stereotypical boy.

As long as they're happy it doesn't matter.

Littlepond · 18/09/2020 07:56

No one is going to say you are unreasonable for letting your child play with what they like 😂

buggeroffvirus · 18/09/2020 08:02

Padton do you need to put the poster down?. The poster only wants to know what we think.

D4rwin · 18/09/2020 08:03

You know she is being ridiculous. Everything being pink is a fairly new development in the cheap tacky disposable toy / clothes market so people will buy more rather than look for stuff that will make it through a couple of generations. So it's bollocks isn't it? Plenty of generations of men and women have managed just fine with toys and clothes that didn't advertise the contents of their underwear! Whether you like pink or not is an utter red herring as to your masculinity/ femin ity unless your notion of self identity is so fragile it needs some sort of validation. If your friend needs that she could just wear a badge all day.