Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

19 year old DD 3 hours late home from work

91 replies

Lauraa7 · 17/09/2020 13:08

Live in Melbourne and we are in lockdown, daughter drives herself to and from work each day and that’s it. Today she was due to finish at 4pm. 5pm still not home and I think maybe she worked late. 6pm I text to ask where she is and check for car crashes in traffic. At 7pm she calls me to say she went to visit a friend, which she shouldnt have done and risked a $1650 fine. She always lets me know what she is up to, not at my request but she just does. AIBU ato think she could have sent me a quick text so I didn’t worry.

OP posts:
Mosaic123 · 17/09/2020 13:09

Yep. Must be a good friend!

GoldenNCurly · 17/09/2020 13:11

I think yabu, she is 19. I could understand if she was out all night but during the day?! She is an adult.
Yanbu about her breaking lockdown guidelines though

LittleBearPad · 17/09/2020 13:11

She’s 19 - an adult. She gets to make her own decisions.

Porcupineinwaiting · 17/09/2020 13:13

Actually, at that age, it might be simpler if the rule is "text if you are not coming home by midnight". Then she's free to do her stuff, and you need not worry.

As far as lockdown goes, do you mind if she sees friends? If so, talk to her. If she gets fined surely that's her lookout?

Havaiana · 17/09/2020 13:14

She always lets me know what she is up to, not at my request but she just does. AIBU ato think she could have sent me a quick text so I didn’t worry.

Sounds like she does it because you expect it and has had enough.

Nanny0gg · 17/09/2020 13:18

Who will pay the fine if she gets caught?

Veterinari · 17/09/2020 13:22

A 19 year old adult needing to text their parent at 5pm to say they'll be late back is a bit weird imo.

The breaking guidelines issue is separate

Petitmum · 17/09/2020 13:24

I would imagine that she didn't tell you because she knew she was wrong to break lockdown.

seayork2020 · 17/09/2020 13:26

Guidelines aside (separate issue) it is rude if she expected for dinner or another reason but if not then a text if not coming home or will be really really late only so if of no inconvenience to others she is an adult

StarchyStanley · 17/09/2020 13:30

Hmmmm I do see where you're coming from op. If you're in a local lockdown, then I guess the rates of infection are quite high. I do think at the moment, people living together have a certain responsibility towards one another, even if everyone is an adult. So, yanbu. If it wasn't for covid, I would say otherwise.

TheDuchessofMalfy · 17/09/2020 13:32

Well she can pay her own fine if she gets one!

jessstan2 · 17/09/2020 13:33

@Porcupineinwaiting

Actually, at that age, it might be simpler if the rule is "text if you are not coming home by midnight". Then she's free to do her stuff, and you need not worry.

As far as lockdown goes, do you mind if she sees friends? If so, talk to her. If she gets fined surely that's her lookout?

That.
Pinkdelight3 · 17/09/2020 13:33

Actually, at that age, it might be simpler if the rule is "text if you are not coming home by midnight"

100% this.

Lockdownfatigue · 17/09/2020 13:34

Yeah that’s very unreasonable! Of you!! If she is 14 maybe, but 19!!!!

wildcherries · 17/09/2020 13:35

YABU on the texting during the day, but if she breaks the guidelines and gets a fine, she can pay up herself. Making choices and dealing with the consequences of said choices is part of being an adult.

unimaginativeusernamehere · 17/09/2020 13:37

If there's no vulnerable household members and If she would be paying the fine herself then I think yabu.

Friendsoftheearth · 17/09/2020 13:37

Well its going to be an expensive visit for your dd, lets hope it/he/she was worth it!! Grin

Mischance · 17/09/2020 13:38

It may be that she was socially distancing with this friend.

I left home at 17 - by 19 my parents had no idea what I was doing - thank goodness!

However, it would be polite of your DD to let you know if she is going to be late if she is living with you.

Friendsoftheearth · 17/09/2020 13:38

I am surprised Melbourne is under such a strict lockdown I must admit Confused

unmarkedbythat · 17/09/2020 13:39

Yanbu, she doesn't owe you details of what she's up to but letting you know she'll be home much later than normal is just polite.

thebeatofthedrum · 17/09/2020 13:41

YANBU - if anyone in my house, of any age, was not home three hours after expected with no word and they were driving, I would worry about a road accident. Nothing to do with her age.

RantyAnty · 17/09/2020 13:42

Maybe said friend is her bubble buddy. Rules in Melb say you're allowed to visit intimate partner and as of early this week, one can nominate a bubble buddy to visit.

So yes, she's 19, you're being a bit unreasonable.
Curfew is at 9pm

vanillandhoney · 17/09/2020 13:43

She might be an adult, but as she's still living at home, it's only polite for her to text that she's running late, so YANBU on that front.

Just hope she's home soon and doesn't get caught! My family are in Melbourne and I know things are really strict over there now.

Poppyolive90 · 17/09/2020 13:46

Can she afford to pay the fine if she gets caught next time? Seems foolish to me but agree that at 19 it’s her choice, having a go at her might make her more petulant about it

Changemyname901 · 17/09/2020 13:52

Make it clear to her that she will be paying the fine if caught and you will not be financially supporting in any way. She’s an adult, she can do what she wants, but if she gets caught and then plans to turn to you for the fine then YANBU.