19 year old DD 3 hours late home from work

[Lauraa7]

Live in Melbourne and we are in lockdown, daughter drives herself to and from work each day and that’s it. Today she was due to finish at 4pm. 5pm still not home and I think maybe she worked late. 6pm I text to ask where she is and check for car crashes in traffic. At 7pm she calls me to say she went to visit a friend, which she shouldnt have done and risked a $1650 fine. She always lets me know what she is up to, not at my request but she just does. AIBU ato think she could have sent me a quick text so I didn’t worry.

@oakleaffy

Sorry to be dim...But what purpose does the Covid Curfew do?

The virus surely doesn't know what time it is?
If anyone could explain, I'd be interested . Thanks!

Hadn't you heard? Covid gets more infectious after 9pm!

I assume it's targeted at preventing late-night socialising (people more likely to be drinking, social distancing lapses etc.)

My Dc are similar age, one lives away term time. If they require to be catered for then I expect them to let me know or if they are going to be out late late (especially if they want picked up!)

So, generally along the lines of. Hi, will be back for dinner or I'll be back after dinner but could you keep me some? or i'm staying over with a friend or I wouldn't mind a lift if anyone going to up at midnight-ish.

They are adults but also human beings living in my house, they don't need to answer to me, request my permission or tell me where they are going but it's polite and respectful to consider others. Just as i'd shout to tell them if I was going out and roughly when I'll be back.

@LittleBearPad

She’s 19 - an adult. She gets to make her own decisions.

Not if she's sharing a house with other people and is breaking Lock down rules she doesn't

Given the bubble buddy thing mentioned upthread, do we even know that she definitely broke lockdown rules?

At that age, I'd pop to the corner shop and turn up 48 hours later without the milk I'd gone for.

I actually can't understand anyone who is saying YABU. This is your daughter living in your house, not a lodger. You are going to worry about her, of course.

@ladybirdsarelovely33

I actually can't understand anyone who is saying YABU. This is your daughter living in your house, not a lodger. You are going to worry about her, of course.

Then at what age can adult children stop reporting their every movement to their parent?

What if she's still living at home age 25 or 30? (Not uncommon these days) Would she be allowed to stop off at the shops after work without checking in with her mum?

It's madness. If she's expected home at 9pm or 10pm and is planning to stop out, yes a courtesy text would be expected, but at 4pm an adult can do what they like unless they've specifically said they'll come straight home for some reason.

Ah maybe it was a close friend! look if you are normally in close contact i can see it would be a worry but it isn't late she is 19 and if she is fined then its her look out isn't it?

In the current situation she was being unreasonable not to let you know. In ordinary times obviously she can do what she likes, but given the limitations on movement at the moment it was unfair of her not to contact you. There were very few LEGAL options for what she could have been doing, naturally you were going to think perhaps something terrible had happened.

A year ago of course you would have been very unreasonable to expect this, but things aren't normal in Melbourne at the moment!

She should tell you she’s running late so you don’t worry. If I told my mother I was coming home and 5 and instead came at 8 without telling her she’d be very worried. Takes a second to message.

I think anyone you live with, age irrelevant, Covid restrictions or not, should let you know if they are going to be significantly late or have had a change of plans.

I would expect DH to do this and I would do it myself, as would my mum who lived with us and is 80, never mind teenage DDs. I can't believe anyone would not worry because someone was three hours later than they said they would be. Fair enough, in the years before mobile phones were common you really would just have to wait and see, but now everyone has a phone I would expect a message. I'm not a unduly anxious parent or wife, but I would start to worry if anyone in the house was that late back without any message.

Then at what age can adult children stop reporting their every movement to their parent?

Whatever age they are no longer living at the same address. HTH.

An adult having to text every time they stop for a drink or a chat with their mate sounds like a stifling way to live.

I'm an adult but I'd still let whoever I lived with know if I was going to be late back. I'd expect anyone I lived with to do the same.

Doesn't matter if she's 19 or 99, she shouldn't be breaking quarantine rules!

I'd have zero sympathy if she got a fine.

As far as the call goes, I'd just explain to her that you worry she's had a crash if she's unusually late home so in future you'd appreciate a text to help ease your nerves. No need to kick off, though.

I think expecting a 19 yo to call just because they are later than usual coming home from work is way over the top. I appreciate she should be restricting social visits due to CV19 but supposing she wants to go for a walk in the countryside or whatever after work? It seems way over the top to me . I'd expect her to pay her own fine if she was caught obviusly.

Bloody hell chick, your Daughter is a 19 year old ADULT, time to unwrap the cotton wool and let her breathe

Quite a few people on here not realising just how strict the lockdown is in Melbourne.

I would be absolutely furious with her.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable
I did wonder if it was something like that.. inhibitions loosen after 10pm, but it seems so arbitrary.
As if Covid is like those little monsters that turn evil after midnight.
Mogwai?

The single person bubble mentioned earlier doesn't mean everyone can choose one person to buddy up with. It is for those who are living alone only. This is for metropolitan Melbourne. Given the OP's DD lives with them this doesn't apply
A pp also asked about curfew upthread. It's to limit everyone's movement and encourage people to be at home while Melbourne gets on top of the numbers again.
for you OP, Melbourne has been doing it tough and the continued stress is really exhausting mentally. I can understand why you've asked on here.
I've lived at home after 18 (before moving out, in between flats or life stages etc) and would text if I was going to be late as a courtesy. Given the current situation and the stress you are all under YANBU.
Remind her it's common courtesy, and that you won't be paying any fines.

@Graciebobcat well that's weird and controlling.

Don't be a cockblocker OP, let her live a little 🍆

I would probably give my parents a text if I usually got home at a certain time and wasn't going to. It depends on the situation. If you are going to give her the third degree, then that is wrong, she's an adult, but I don't think a courtesy text is controlling or weird at any age.

YABU shes 19 I had a home and baby at that age.

@MomToTwoBabas

YABU shes 19 I had a home and baby at that age.

That's not exactly comparable though. I moved out at 18, didn't check in with parents obviously, but I moved back briefly later and I would happily send a courtesy text if I was going to be late. It's different if you share a house.