19 year old DD 3 hours late home from work

[Lauraa7]

Live in Melbourne and we are in lockdown, daughter drives herself to and from work each day and that’s it. Today she was due to finish at 4pm. 5pm still not home and I think maybe she worked late. 6pm I text to ask where she is and check for car crashes in traffic. At 7pm she calls me to say she went to visit a friend, which she shouldnt have done and risked a $1650 fine. She always lets me know what she is up to, not at my request but she just does. AIBU ato think she could have sent me a quick text so I didn’t worry.

Adult. Can do what she wants. Covid or otherwise why would you care that a 19 year old didn't contact you for 3 hours.... bit rude of her if you are supposed to be preparing her evening meal or something, but that's about it.

She's 19, not seven!

Bollocks to the ‘she’s an adult’ nonsense.

She’s living in your home and breaking local lockdown rules. I’d play hell and tell her that she either sticks to the rules whilst she’s living at home and shops putting the rest of the family at risk or go and finds somewhere else to live.

This isn't about asking for permission, it's just about letting someone know so they don't worry. It's basic courtesy to text if you know someone is expecting you. She may be young, but she should know this.

If she DOES get caught, she most definitely should pay the fine. And apologize for putting YOU at risk.

Errr she is 19, an adult! YABU

Breaking the guidelines - the fine is her problem.

If she lives in your house and shares your meals then of course it's only polite to let you know if she's going to be late or not want food. Age is irrelevant, I'd expect that of anyone living under the same roof.

I thought lockdown curfew in Melbourne was 8pm? If she gets home by then I wouldn't worry ( I also have a 19 year old). I would be annoyed if she does break curfew though.

I can see two sides. She's 19, she's old enough to do what she wants. Maybe not in lockdown tho. But also I see what you mean. She could have sent a quick txt so you didn't have to worry.

Not sure about letting you know, don’t know what your ground rules are. Our eldest lives with us at present with her husband and baby, they’re 26. It’s not expected at all but they still let us knew out of courtesy if their plans have significantly changed: we often eat together.

She is extremely unreasonable to break lockdown. Old enough to know better. Please don’t pay for her if she’s fined.

Oh yeah, and of course she shouldnt have been visiting anyone.

YABU. She’s an adult, she makes her own choices.

She doesn’t need to inform you where she is or what she’s doing after work and you shouldn’t expect her to.

I think it's only polite to let the people you live with know you may not be home 'as expected'. DH and I do, why wouldn't we expect the same from our adult DC living at home?

We didn't expect to know where they're going or whom they're seeing. And our 'request' was to let us know if they'd be out all night or if they'd given us a time they let us know if they weren't going to make it.

As far as a fine, I would say 'you pays your money, you takes your chances', just the same as with any other fine. But I'd definitely give her a piece of my mind about it.

Checking for crashes because your adult DD hasn't come straight home after work is way way too much.

PS: our daughter and her husband are in the process of moving out right now because as infections rise, their coming and going to work is too much of a risk to other vulnerable family members here.
After next Tuesday, no idea when we’ll see them, or our 8 week old grandchild, again 🥺.

I’m afraid I’d be telling your daughter in no uncertain terms, if she breaks lockdown again, she makes arrangements to live elsewhere.

@GoldenNCurly

I think yabu, she is 19. I could understand if she was out all night but during the day?! She is an adult. Yanbu about her breaking lockdown guidelines though

I agree with this. Stopping off somewhere and getting home at 7pm rather than coming straight home at 4pm is totally normal. An adult shouldn't have to check in with anyone to that degree - it's extreme.

If it was the difference between 10pm and 1am, yes, she should let you know out of courtesy as you live with her and might worry, and so you don't wait up.

YANBU. Doesnt matter that she is 19. While she lives in your house, she should have told you. Nothing to do with lockdown

I routinely do things that mean my DH doesn't know exactly where I am (.g. picking up some shopping rather than coming straight home from work). I would text if I was going to be unusually late, but I wouldn't dream of checking in with him every single time I'm a couple of hours behind schedule.

(We don't have DC, so there are no childcare reasons to check in.)

“ agree with this. Stopping off somewhere and getting home at 7pm rather than coming straight home at 4pm is totally normal. “

Unfortunately, not when your city is in lockdown and doing so is breaking the law.
I wouldn’t expect my kids to do that, so would worry something had happened to one of them if they were 3 hours later than I had been told to expect, without a quick text.

I sometimes think mobile phones have caused as many problems as they solve..... 25 years ago, no-one would have expected a grown adult to call to inform them every time they did something. It's not healthy to need that kind of constant reassurance imo, and checking for crashes at 6pm because your adult daughter isn't back from work yet feels like excessive anxiety.

@LouiseNW

“ agree with this. Stopping off somewhere and getting home at 7pm rather than coming straight home at 4pm is totally normal. “

Unfortunately, not when your city is in lockdown and doing so is breaking the law.
I wouldn’t expect my kids to do that, so would worry something had happened to one of them if they were 3 hours later than I had been told to expect, without a quick text.

The lockdown thing is fine - she shouldn't have been visiting the friewnd.

But what if she had been taking a permitted walk outdoors to stretch her legs? (I assume the Melbourne rules allow that?) The point still stands - a grown adult shouldn't need to report their every movement in the late afternoon/early evening.

Just think it’s common courtesy. If I tell someone to expect me at a certain time then change my mind and will be 3 hours later, its just polite to let them know 🤷‍♀️

@Lauraa7
If your DD was living away, you'd worry far less..
When DS went for a working Year Out, I actually worried LESS when he was on the other side of the World than a couple of miles away on Town in the early hours.

Waiting for the key in the lock sound is a worry.. Perhaps as she is female it worries you, too.

But at 19, she is an adult, and maybe feels she doesn't need to tell mum where she is or what time she will be back.

Only when {if} she is a parent of older teens will she understand the worry!

@LouiseNW

Just think it’s common courtesy. If I tell someone to expect me at a certain time then change my mind and will be 3 hours later, its just polite to let them know 🤷‍♀️

We don't know that the DD "told her mum to expect her at a certain time". All we know is that her work finished at 4pm. Unless the DD made some sort of promise to come straight home from work, she's an adult and therefore free to stop off to get shopping, go for a walk etc. rather than come straight home.

Sorry to be dim...But what purpose does the Covid Curfew do?

The virus surely doesn't know what time it is?
If anyone could explain, I'd be interested . Thanks!

Ok. Still think it’s rude though.