To call the nursery

[mylittlesandwich]

DS is 9 months and has been going to nursery 2 days a week for about a month now. They have a parent cam which you can use to have a wee look and see how they're doing. I try not to spend too much time on it because they seemed nice and I trusted them. DH dropped him off this morning because I started work early so I signed in to have a wee look. He's been sat on his own for half an hour.
There's somewhere between 10 and 15 children with 4 adults. The adults are all surrounded by small groups of children doing various activities. DS is on his own, sat on the floor with no toys. He's playing with the zip on his hoodie. The only interaction he's had in the 30 mins I've watched is when someone took a plastic apron away from him that he'd got a hold of. He's not mobile yet so he can't go and get anything for himself. I'm really upset watching it. Is this normal for nursery or should I give them a call, I don't want to be difficult but I also want DS to enjoy his time at nursery.

Hm, who was she? I’d have wanted her to look into it and have a conversation with whoever it was who was ignoring your DC, and then to get back to you with reassurances it won’t happen again.

@crockof when I only worked in one nursery that had a camera and that was only internal. It wasn't accessible to parents.
I don't work in childcare anymore though but I know my lady one is thinking of installing cameras that parents will have access to.

Sorry I didn't mean to @ you.

I think you're right, he's such a happy boy. He amuses himself and doesn't kick up much of a fuss unless he's tired. I really thought I'd picked a good nursery for him.

This makes me want to cry. A loving, attentive mother watching her baby sitting alone in a strange place with strangers. How can you?

I’ve worked in nurseries for 10 years and I’ve always made sure all children have equal attention. Of course you can’t give 1:1 all the time but everyone should have something age/ability appropriate within reach.

OP, hopefully this was just a blip and not the norm. Please don’t worry about being “that” parent, there is really no such thing when it comes to babies in nursery x

Yes Crock I believe he is the only non mover. He isn't interested in crawling and hasn't quite got the balance thing sorted for walking although he wants to.

They've taken it on board, he now has someone sitting with him and playing. I completely understand that they can't have 1:1 attention all the time but it was the lack of anything to play with. At home if I need to do something else like put the washing on or go to the loo I leave him with a couple of toys and he's happy as Larry.

If I was told my staff did this (and my manager before me), they’d all be given a written warning. That’s neglect of care.
Also what did your son “get” out of having someone paint his foot? That’s not an appropriate activity for a baby. In fact it’s absolute laziness!

Are there any childminders in your village?

I couldn't leave him there, but appreciate your limited in choice & probably need childcare to go to work!

I wouldn't panic if it's a one off and you're generally happy with the care.

Staff in nurseries are under a lot of pressure - especially in a baby room where there's lots of physical care to perform, paperwork to do, cleaning, activities to get through and if the nursery has a policy of children needing to produce art work every day to take home (like the footprint) then sometimes easy children will amuse themselves for a bit. 15 babies is a lot to manage, even with 5 adults.

If he was distressed and being ignored it would be a big issue, but he was safe and content while everyone was busy.

Oh my op, that must be very very hard for you to watch. I am glad she listened and apologised. He is not distressed at least, but yes I would be upset too. Are they usually very good with him?

It is great you are able to check on him though.

Just keep a general eye out and see. They’ll probably make sure to pay attention to him now.

It is very poor performance by the nursery but I think if I was in your situation I would feel somewhat reassured by the ability to check in on him via the camera. Hopefully now they know your concerns and that you will be watching they will be extra careful to make sure it does not happen again.

I wouldn’t rush to pull him out. They responded really positively to your phone call, and in fact had done something with him before you got through.

He probably seemed happy and although that’s no excuse, I’m sure they’ll make sure he has toys in future.

@Tempusfudgeit

there's always one...

This makes me want to cry. A loving, attentive mother watching her baby sitting alone in a strange place with strangers. How can you?

So she can afford to feed and clothe him I imagine

I’d be upset too, perhaps just intermittently check to see if it was a one-off or you see it more often. It’s hard enough leaving children at nursery sometimes without then having doubts about their care.

He sounds adorable op!

Just to give another viewpoint, lucky you to have such a contented baby with such great concentration! I would have been really chuffed if DS had managed to entertain himself for that length of time at that age with just a zip. Bodes well for the future.

But I agree that that's not what you're paying the nursery for. He needs interaction for his development. So I'd definitely keep an eye out but wouldn't get too upset this time given he wasn't distressed.

Op did he look distressed? Could it be that cos he was playing quietly they all thought he was ok to sit there? I'd be more worried if he'd been crying etc or if him being alone becomes a pattern but as a one of, you did the right thing but I wouldn't make any big decisions

I'd have been concerned and upset too but so far it seems they have listened to you and taken on board what you said which is a good thing.

While their care wasn't up to scratch, he wasn't left crying or in any danger during the time so I'd not write them off totally yet and simply keep an eye on the situation. If this was a one off and you can see it's not happening again then I'd be reassured.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it OP.

I know that at that age my DD would have been absolutely content fiddling with a zip for half an hour (even if there had been toys in reach).

It's obviously not good that he was left all that time on his own but as a one off it wouldn't be enough for me to withdraw from the nursery.

We're on our second nursery. There were two main reasons we changed: 1) they often didn't go outside at all even on nice weather days 2) her room was small and hectic - there was no quiet space if DD had wanted to sit on her own quietly. It concerned me that it was just too intense being couped up with 12 toddlers in a small noisy room.

The new place is much much better in terms of outside time and more indoor space so DD can go off on her own if she wants. Her care there is mostly excellent but I feel sure that if there were cameras I'd see things I'd not be entirely happy with.

Did the kids who were being engaged with look as though it was good quality care?

Thanks everyone, I have no problem with I'm playing with his zip I just felt upset that that was his only option.
He wasn't upset at all, just watching what everyone else was doing. He's sitting with other children now so I'm happy that he's not all on his own. One staff member has been with them most of the time from what I can see.
He's just so young, I'd rather have him with me but I need to work so I want to know he's being looked after where he is.