DD’s boss and babe station comment?

[GazingAndGrazing]

DD is 16 and commenced an apprenticeship at the beginning of September.

We asked for a contract and the HR person said she was working on it.

1st day I picked DD up and she was full of beans, all good and laughing that they have dress down day every Friday and as long as she wore heels she could wear jeans etc

It’s a smallish team with a company director/owner. DD is autistic, I let the HR person know after her first day, explained how organised and meticulous she is.

DD is 1 of 3 apprentices she is the youngest. She grumbled that she has to make all the tea, fetch milk and then it was clean kitchen cupboards out, empty bins, fetch Directors lunch whilst the other 2 answered phones and took messages. DD is very black and white so she questioned why she was being treated differently.

I only have DDs version of events. She said, when she questioned being treated differently he said it was because he could, she was only an apprentice and she would do as he told her because he earns £300k a year and she earns nothing.

She asked to book holiday on Christmas Eve and he said no, she doesn’t get holiday for the 1st year as an apprentice and she was only allowed 15 mins lunch instead of an hour like the other 2.

Last incident where DD walked out was him telling the other males in the office that he would earn more from the apprentices if he put them to work on babe station.

That happened on Friday. I called to speak to him, he was “in a meeting” I called Again and left a message fOr the HR person to call me. I’ve heard nothing at all.

What rights does DD have as an apprentice of not even 1 month with no contract?

Jesus OP I've caught up and RTFT now ...

that is not on. At all.

Take the fucker down. How dare he.

I'm so glad she's got you, sending you un-MN hugs and .

Oh my god OP, I would be livid! Wild horses wouldn’t stop me from having marched round there straight away with this police. I would have taken statements from the other two “apprentices” before strongly advising them to hoof it as well. I would inform this self-styled director that he will be facing legal action for discrimination and sexual harassment. Then I would be all over any website they have / Twitter / Glassdoor - naming and shaming. His dare he!

What kind of “company” this is anyway?

My husband would make sure he never works again. Not sure how, but there will be a way probably.

@mummabear1967

I’m shocked and horrified reading this. That employer sounds like a nasty and horrible piece of work, I have more words I could say but they aren’t appropriate for a public forum

I’m so glad your DD has left, that abuse was not worth it. No adult should be treated like that ever, never mind a 16 year old child!

You had every right to contact the employer, your DD is legally a child as she is under 18.

My god I feel horrified after what I’ve read. I hope your DD is ok. I also hope the employer is held accountable for this.

Please reassure your DD that not all employers are like this and there are kind and compassionate bosses out there.

What a horrible experience for her first job

I'll say it for you - he is a wanker/cunt/fucking scumbag.

Glad you're taking this forward OP.

@GazingAndGrazing I'm really glad you got some excellent support from ACAS. Keep on doing what you're doing!

Well done OP.

Is there any way of contacting the parents of the other children?

Just get her out of there. She doesn’t need to be experiencing this crap for her first job. The boss sounds awful.

I have no expertise whatsoever but I am so enraged by this bloke's behaviour and the apologists for this bloke's behaviour on this thread I wanted to post and say you sound like a bloody brilliant mum, well done for intervening, please keep at it and if you want angry feminists to go down with placards where do I sign?

The thing is if we just brush this experience down to "part of life" or similar and move on, it tells our girls they're not important.

In order for this mans behaviour and that of many others every single day to ever change and be shamed we all need to stop accepting this shit. It must become a hill we will die on.

Christ this has made me cross on OPs behalf.

She's only a month in and alarm bells are ringing all over the place. Time to look for an apprenticeship elsewhere be it continue and look or leave straightaway and then look

Either way get out

I am so glad you have started to take action @GazingAndGrazing - and you have included your daughter every step of the way.

Mumsnet is full of great people who only want the best for their online fellow strangers. Stick with those and not the few who try to disrupt.

I wish your daughter all the very best. She sounds great

Thank you. I’ve spent this evening after a very full day on at work drafting my email to them. Ready for the next stage.

DD is very withdrawn, I can tell it’s taken a toll on her so I’ll continue to fight her corner whilst she gains confidence to be able to do it herself.

I promise to update, I’ve taken a lot of the helpful replies to formulate the email, I really appreciate the help.

Wow that’s quite a different scenario to the original post (which wasn’t nice either).
I’m going to say this with the absolutely greatest of respect - and you know your daughter...

But... to go from “I walked out because of his babestation comments” to “he said x and told me to leave” is a completely different thing.

Are you 100% sure which of these is correct?

Again the guy sounds like an arsehole either way but they are quite different if you’re going to take a formal route and if you need to go to a tribunal you want to ensure that everything is correct.

DD is very withdrawn, I can tell it’s taken a toll on her so I’ll continue to fight her corner whilst she gains confidence to be able to do it herself.

How do you think she’ll gain the confidence to do it herself?

Confidence doesn’t come from nowhere; you don’t wait to grow into it. Confidence comes from experience and if you never give her the experiences to allow her to grow confident then she’ll reach adulthood—as she almost has done—with no confidence.

@ameliajoan

DD is very withdrawn, I can tell it’s taken a toll on her so I’ll continue to fight her corner whilst she gains confidence to be able to do it herself.

How do you think she’ll gain the confidence to do it herself?

Confidence doesn’t come from nowhere; you don’t wait to grow into it. Confidence comes from experience and if you never give her the experiences to allow her to grow confident then she’ll reach adulthood—as she almost has done—with no confidence.

But confidence isn't built by forcing or pushing someone to do something outside of their comfort zone, particularly with extra needs! The OP is doing the right thing by supporting her daughter and taking action. At 16, I was living at home, and going to college. If there were major issues like this, I'd damn straight expect my parents to help. Why does so many on here think that teenagers are mini-adults with all the life experience and confidence of a real adult?

@ameliajoan you fail to have grasped that ACAS HAVE TOLD HER SHE HAS DONE THE RGHT THING BY INTERVENING. Just because it's not how you would handle it doesn't mean it's wrong for the OP and her DD.

@ameliajoan I think you’ll find it’s the complete opposite actually, it is very important to have the right support in your late teens.

I never had any support like this from my parents, ever, and all it ever did was make me feel insecure/ not good enough. Everyone I know who had caring, supportive parents are very confident capable adults.

You’re a great Mum OP and I would be doing the same thing.

@Timinfuckingruislip

Wow that’s quite a different scenario to the original post (which wasn’t nice either). I’m going to say this with the absolutely greatest of respect - and you know your daughter...

But... to go from “I walked out because of his babestation comments” to “he said x and told me to leave” is a completely different thing.

Are you 100% sure which of these is correct?

Again the guy sounds like an arsehole either way but they are quite different if you’re going to take a formal route and if you need to go to a tribunal you want to ensure that everything is correct.

100% correct, I believe her. As you said, I know her and I also know when she is embellishing stories or telling blatant lies/tales..

I don’t push her on the afternoon I picked her up about how heR leaving transpired. In her mind, she left in tears and after talking properly I discovered the immediate dismissal with no performance review, no invite to a meeting giving her time to take someone with her and no right to appeal.

I’ve sent an email to the Director and Hr consultant This afternoon following Acas advice.

I’m not posting for advice on confidence building my DD. We are both happy on that account.

So sorry your DD experienced this! You did the right thing to contact ACAS.

I would just encourage her to move.

@Daisyandroses I'm in the same boat. I was thrust into the world at just shy of 18 because I was legally an adult. Coped but at a huge detriment to my long term mental health and even now at 51 it has an effect. I hate the antra that 'kids will be fine, they're adaptable'.

They're fine and they adapt because they have no choice. I'm not a perfect parent but one thing I don't believe in is sink it's swim techniques for young people. It might work for some. That's great. But for those who do not follow the middle path, that can lead to a lifetime of emotional stress that can be avoided.

I'd rather spend and extra 2-3 years gently guiding and supporting my young adults so that they feel confident to fly, rather than chuck them out into a world that they are not yet geared up for, and walk away, hoping they don't crash.

@ameliajoan

DD is very withdrawn, I can tell it’s taken a toll on her so I’ll continue to fight her corner whilst she gains confidence to be able to do it herself.

How do you think she’ll gain the confidence to do it herself?

Confidence doesn’t come from nowhere; you don’t wait to grow into it. Confidence comes from experience and if you never give her the experiences to allow her to grow confident then she’ll reach adulthood—as she almost has done—with no confidence.

Do you have a daughter with autism?

[quote CandyLeBonBon]@Daisyandroses I'm in the same boat. I was thrust into the world at just shy of 18 because I was legally an adult. Coped but at a huge detriment to my long term mental health and even now at 51 it has an effect. I hate the antra that 'kids will be fine, they're adaptable'.

They're fine and they adapt because they have no choice. I'm not a perfect parent but one thing I don't believe in is sink it's swim techniques for young people. It might work for some. That's great. But for those who do not follow the middle path, that can lead to a lifetime of emotional stress that can be avoided.

I'd rather spend and extra 2-3 years gently guiding and supporting my young adults so that they feel confident to fly, rather than chuck them out into a world that they are not yet geared up for, and walk away, hoping they don't crash.
[/quote]
candy thank you for replying I’m so sorry you went through that and I really appreciate you affirming what I already know. I’ll always do my best for DD even if a proportion of MN doesn’t agree

I don't have any advice or anything to add but I just wanted to say that you sound like a fantastic parent and your daughter sounds wonderful too. I'm sorry she had to deal with that. Best of everything going forward for both of you!

Thank you Rusty post like yours keep me on track for DD.

I can’t help but speculate about the reply to the email I sent... he is such a prick, I bet he replies in haste - denying everything in defence mode, I spent hours formulating that email...