To report my own father.

[lilfoxfur]

Background- dad is early sixties, is an alcoholic and has been my entire life. Was abusive during my childhood, physically and mentally, to myself, siblings and dm. Mainly booze driven.

Parents divorced when I was 16 so 21 years ago. Dad has gradually worsened with alcohol to the point he can no longer work. Was hospitalised last year for liver damage.

Drinks cider, beer and rum, every day enough to fell a small horse. Also has eyesight issues which are also degenerating.

Tbh I feel I should have reported him many years ago but I did not. Mainly because we have next to no relationship and his job was dependent on his driving licence. He lived with my now deceased grandmother and if he lost his driving license my dgm would have lost her home.

Every evening he travels to a relative, after drinking. He continues to drink whilst there, then drives home. The journey is very short, not more than 5 minutes but does involve a main road.

My dsis called me tonight and said that he did not remember driving home last night. She still has a relationship with him. She was 5 when my parents separated and missed the worst of the abuse.

I have got to the Operation Crackdown website and am hesitating. He's a pathetic human being but he's my only father. Could any of you report your own father to the police? The fall out, if it's found out it is me who reported him is massive. At the moment he is on sick leave from work. Getting arrested will cause him to lose his job, I am having an internal battle. He could kill innocent people. I'd never forgive myself.

I'm glad you reported him. It is 100000000 times better that he loses his licence than kills himself and maybe innocent others.

well done

the right decision.

@lilfoxfur

I have reported him.

We'll see what happens now I guess. I have given his address, the address he travels to and the average times he travels, plus all the details of his car.

Thank you all for giving me thar push to do the right thing it's such a shame we cannot choose our parents. Luckily I have my dm and she's amazing .

Please also report his degenerative eyesight via the DVLA website. They will send him a letter calling him for a special eye test. No need to catch him at certain times. If he fails test, his licence is revoked

Well done OP!

Thank you for reporting him OP. Think of it as potentially saving a life or lives. His own and/or someone else's beloved partner/family/friend.

well done but I understand your dilemma. I didn't report my dad but had to tell him that his age and slow reactions were a danger to himself and others and that if he didn't stop driving I'd have to report him - this was after my friend's husband was killed by an elderly driver with a similar condition. I felt bad about taking away dad's freedom and one of his remaining pleasures but it was morally the right thing to do for his safety and for other people.

You can make an anonymous call. Nobody will know that it was you. It is the right thing to do.

but he's my only father

how would you feel if he killed someone else's only father?

Please report him. You could of course tell him that if he ever does it again, you will report him and that he will lose his job etc. That said, he will probably just do it anyway. Yes, this might destroy him, but to be fair, he may be close to losing his job already. And indeed his life. At his age, with his health problems and being off work, in all likelihood he may only have a few months left. In many respects his life is already over. You could however save a life, or several lives of someone much younger, whose life is only just starting. In any event, you are also protecting your father from himself and the horror of him potentially killing an innocent victim. If it's only a 5 min drive, then he can walk. Actually, if you don't want to report, get your sister to get hold of and handover his car keys whilst he is off work.

Sorry, I haven't read the full thread and I should have done. I think you've done the right thing

Well done for making the right choice

Well done OP. You really have done the right thing.

Getting arrested will cause him to lose his job - nope. The choice that he has willingly made to drink and drive will cause him to lose his job. When this all kicks off please remember this fact. This is on him, not you. People don't get arrested for doing nothing wrong just because you reported them. It's all him.

Good for you.

You seem to be picking and choosing dependant on your perception, why now? Drink driving kills so yes he should be reported.

I did years ago. I gave very specific information, if they'd acted on that they'd have caught him bang to rights on any given day. They didn't though. I went NC shortly after (not just due to this issue) and from what I've heard from a sibling he's still at it to this day.

as a recovering alcoholic I wouldn’t have blamed family if they reported me ( thankfully i never drove drunk), it would have prob helped me if my family were more strict tbh. you are 100 percent right to report him. the consequences are his alone. if he died driving drunk and/or killed another person you would feel much worse. good for you - sending hugs

Well done OP it couldn't have been easy

Well done for reporting him op. I had a similar dilemma with my fil, which I posted about on here, but slightly easier as he didn't have a car at the time but was looking to buy another one. He drove his sons car when he visited and realised that he couldn't drive it confidently so has conceded. But we were worried about his driving with poor eyesight and alcohol dependency.

I would. I reported my dp when after an argument he got into his car and drove when he was hammered. The police did nothing until next day and spoke to him he denied it but at least I knew if he killed someone I tried to prevent it. Could you live with yourself if something did happen?

OP I'm glad you reported him as the consequences of drunk driving can be devastating but at least you know you have done everything you can to stop it happening.

In my town there was a big news story recently where a father, son, daughter and their pet dog were killed by a drunk driver when they were out for a Sunday afternoon family walk. The mother was in critical condition for a week and then when she woke up she was confronted with the loss of her entire family and when it came to court it was found that the driver was 3 times over the limit and had already been banned from driving for DUI offences multiple times.

A friend of mine works with an extended family member of the drunk driver and she has said that her work colleague has had to take extended leave because she has struggled with her MH since the crash as she felt some responsibility for what happened. The entire family knew he wouldnt let the fact he had drink over the limit stop him from driving, and whilst most of them dont speak to him, they never actually reported him either.

You’ve done the right thing. You sound like a lovely person. It also sounds like this would end in tragedy for someone so it’s far better to lose a job. I hope he is stopped very soon.

Hi OP, I would definitely report. My Dad was an alcoholic, he knocked down and killed a neighbour of ours when I was still in the womb. He never went to prison for it. I found out when I was about 15, I can honestly say I never recovered. I can't imagine how that man's wife and child feel. Get him off the road at any cost, lives are at stake. it's not your fault or problem if he doesn't value his own.

I'd report him, before he end up seriously maiming or killing himself or someone else.

Why don’t people READ the thread before posting!!

The OP HAS reported it!!!

Well done for reporting him. It’s saved his and other people’s lives