To report my own father.

[lilfoxfur]

Background- dad is early sixties, is an alcoholic and has been my entire life. Was abusive during my childhood, physically and mentally, to myself, siblings and dm. Mainly booze driven.

Parents divorced when I was 16 so 21 years ago. Dad has gradually worsened with alcohol to the point he can no longer work. Was hospitalised last year for liver damage.

Drinks cider, beer and rum, every day enough to fell a small horse. Also has eyesight issues which are also degenerating.

Tbh I feel I should have reported him many years ago but I did not. Mainly because we have next to no relationship and his job was dependent on his driving licence. He lived with my now deceased grandmother and if he lost his driving license my dgm would have lost her home.

Every evening he travels to a relative, after drinking. He continues to drink whilst there, then drives home. The journey is very short, not more than 5 minutes but does involve a main road.

My dsis called me tonight and said that he did not remember driving home last night. She still has a relationship with him. She was 5 when my parents separated and missed the worst of the abuse.

I have got to the Operation Crackdown website and am hesitating. He's a pathetic human being but he's my only father. Could any of you report your own father to the police? The fall out, if it's found out it is me who reported him is massive. At the moment he is on sick leave from work. Getting arrested will cause him to lose his job, I am having an internal battle. He could kill innocent people. I'd never forgive myself.

Thank you for making the right decision.

for being brave and doing the right thing.

Unfortunately I think you have to. I say this as someone who lost their first boyfriend to a drink driver.

Sorry, just seen your update. Well done, you have done a very brave thing. And potentially saved multiple lives. I don't think you had a choice, imagine if he killed an entire family drink driving.

Well done op, that cannot have been easy you did the right thing.

Well done for doing the right thing. I understand that it must be hard.

Good for you, OP, you should be really proud - you did the right thing!

Well done OP. It’s not your fault if he gets caught. It will be his fault for choosing to drive after drinking alcohol.

You made the right choice.

Well done OP.

A friend of mine lost her DGranddad, nearly died herself, along with her sister and mum (they were in hospital for months - she had a fractured pelvis, which is really, really nasty) because a drunk driver went head-on into the car they were in.

There are very few situations in which I say "report" but this is one of them.

Could you live with yourself if he killed someone whilst drink driving?

I think you have done the right thing, he is making the choice to drink and drive putting others and himself at risk,

I’m sure it’s not been an easy decision to make but as someone who’s brother was seriously injured by a drink driver, thank you

I would warn him first

Op it will be difficult for you but please do the right thing. He needs reporting but you already know this. It's for his own good as much as anyone else's.

Sorry OP just seen the update. Definitely the right thing to do.

You did the right thing Op.

Yes I would. He could injure or kill another driver. I know its hard but it shouldn't be happening!

I reported my ex repeatedly every time I suspected he was in his car after we split up following my taking his car keys because he was drunk and he went ballistic at me - got him arrested for his reaction, too. Not a shred of guilt about it.

If I saw him driving past today (perish the thought), I'd be straight back reporting him again.

Alcoholics are not entitled to a driving licence. It's an offence to drive and not surrender the licence, even if sober at the time. In certain circumstances (ie, continued sobriety), it can be given back by the DVLA, but the rules are there in the first place for a reason.

We reported my gran - she had early signs of dementia - the car wasn’t taxed, she let the insurance run out and her license go out of date - She was a very dangerous driver as well!

We tried to deal with it ourselves but she was having none of it - so we called the police and reported her to the dvla sadly it was the only way.

Sorted the problem and we had the car taken away

I am so glad you reported him.

Well done.

Well done

@lilfoxfur

I have reported him.

We'll see what happens now I guess. I have given his address, the address he travels to and the average times he travels, plus all the details of his car.

Thank you all for giving me thar push to do the right thing it's such a shame we cannot choose our parents. Luckily I have my dm and she's amazing .

You've done the right thing, lilfoxhur.

If his usual drive is only five minutes away by car, he can still go there without a car, maybe get a cab home.

It's very sad that he has this addiction and created such an awful family life for you and your mum.

You take care of yourself and your family.

You’ve absolutely done the right thing.
I would do the same.

Terribly painful for you, OP, but you’ve done the right thing. Well done.

You did the right thing, OP. Not quite the same situation, but we had to report my FIL who had dementia and was still driving. They sent someone to test him at his home and he had a verbal test first. My DH had to leave the room so his father wouldn't see him cry as he realised how far the dementia had gone. He didn't understand road signs or the basic rules of the road. They never made it to the car. He raged at my DH and my BIL, calling them awful names, saying they were conspiring to take the house and all his money and they were just after his car. It was heartbreaking but he really didn't understand how dangerous he was. Your father, on the other hand, is a selfish addict. No way should he be on the road.

You've done the right thing. A woman was killed in my local area very recently by a drug driver. She has left behind children who need her and will now have to navigate their lives without her. Having a parent myself who lost their father as a small child (although not through drunk/drunk driving), I can tell you that the devastation ripples through generations. It's unfathomable.

Whatever the fallout happens to be, no decent person could fault you and anyone who objects is truthfully not a good human being. You shouldn't feel a shred of guilt.

Thank you for reporting him.