To ask what you find the hardest thing about being a mum

[violetmakesarainbow]

First time mum to 6 month old baby.

I love it, but wow, it's hard and so much harder than I expected.

I thought the baby would feed, sleep repeat. Wishful thinking.

It's so tiring. The lack of sleep is a killer, little time alone, little time alone with husband. Little time to wind down.
Constant worry about your baby, are they well & safe.
The worry of wether you are doing things right, is your baby doing what it "should"
The worry of if you're a good mum, are you as good as other mums.

Of course all of this is completely worth it when your baby smiles at you, laughs at you and their little face just lights up when you enter the room!!!

I may be completely alone in my feelings (in which case, I will start to panic)
But what does every one else find hard about being a parent?

To the PP who said cooking every night, this is something that popped up on FaceBook and I heartily concur:
I’m all for being their mum, and feeding them and stuff, but three meals a day for the next 18 years just sounds excessive.

I hate cooking and meal planning, and knowing that someone will wander into the kitchen and ask “What’s for dinner? When is it coz I’m hungry” even when I am feeling like death warmed up and would otherwise just take myself to bed and sleep is crap.
Packed sodding lunches.
No time for me. Ever. Evenings are a round of cooking, clearing up, reading, hearing readers, come down, do lunches, look at the clock and realise it’s somehow 10.30, and collapse into bed.

Mine are 11 and 7, with 11yo just gone to secondary. As much as the dependence is wearing, on the other hand, I just realised that if she moves out at 18, like I did, then I have had more than half the time with her at home that I am going to get. Although I am loving the person she is growing into, I miss the little girl she was.

What I wouldn't give for one week of them at 6 months old! They cried when they were hungry, uncomfortable or bored, they were right where I left them. I could feed them, change them, comfort them and they would be fine. They didn't talk back, I wasn't constantly worried about their social media, I wasn't constantly dreading a phone call after school saying something had happened on their way back :-(

The hardest thing about being a mum for me is always having to know where they are all the time and worrying about them when they are out. Also, that I can't just make any decision without considering them first.

I love them to death though. I would rather live like this forever than be without them.

I could write a thesis on this subject. But I’m knackered so a short list would be -

Never being able to finish a task - The days of spending a few hours blitzing the house on a weekend or even just 20 minutes to do my make up start to finish. I always get interrupted for EVERYTHING. Anything I want to do is done in stages, with a child needing something at various intervals

The sleep deprivation. Torture.

No time alone. No time with partner. No time to just sit and be quiet.

The relentlessness of it. It’s a 24/7 job. 24/7. Not one minute of one day am I not a parent in some capacity. Even when I nip to the shops or meet a friend for an hour or so, I’m always thinking of them and worried that I shouldn’t be away too long bc it’s unfair on DP.

Touched out.

Baby sick / milk / food in my hair every sodding day. And don’t forget baby pulling my hair, they have a vice grip. Those evil little hands pulling at everything, they bloody hurt!

Permanent body ache. From holding them, breastfeeding at angles, breaking your back and shoulder co sleeping, constantly bending, picking them up.

Being a parent is so hard. It’s beautiful and humbling but it’s also fucking ridiculous at times. You can simultaneously love and loathe it.

It all sounds like a bit of a nightmare.

Tiredness
The worry that you aren't doing it right
Not being able to stay in bed when you are ill
When they are older and they go out on their own

Oh and the fear of me dying. I could be immense unbearable pain, wishing I could just pass out and die but the thought of my children having to wade through their childhood without me to care for them, love them and protect them fills me with dread.

I find that very very hard.

Different ages, different worries. From birth, when it's your responsibility to keep them alive - to adulthood - I don't think they get less.
But as I have learned throughout their lives (as my mother told me) you never stop worrying about them.

As they get older, you have periods of thinking things are ok and then life throws you right back in the Worry Abyss.

A parent has massive highs and reoccurring lows

The worry.

Guilt
Anxiety
Relentlessness

He is the best thing I've ever done and he makes me so proud I could cry. But fuck me. I've never felt self doubt and guilt like it

The worry definitely. That has changed from am I feeding them enough to will they pass their GCSE's and be ready to become independant adults. So many things I have worried about. So far everything has worked itself out but the problems just get bigger the older they get!

The hardest bit for me wasn’t the baby stage, it’s school age.
Ds1 is 6 and I’m constantly worried about him or battling with him about something.
Is he eating enough, is he happy, WHY DOES HE NEVER LISTEN??, his behaviour at school (which has been up and down), too much screen time etc etc . The baby stage was a piece of cake in comparison and even parenting almost 2yo ds2 who has definitely hit the terrible 2s is a dream compared to ds1.

I've had a really really difficult life from the moment I was born. So I haven't found anything difficult other than the fear my children will die. I still check they are breathing at 5 and 1. Being a stepmum is way harder especially when the child is difficult (even dp really really struggles).

The constant guilt.

Their unhappiness that you cannot change.

Landing an innocent person into an overheating planet.

Mostly the constant guilt.

Feeling sad that one day they will grow up and not need me any more.

Mine are 11 and 9. The hardest thing for me when they were tiny was having to keep going when I felt rubbish and ill. Feeling like death warmed up? Enjoy looking after your 1 and 2 year old. Other than that, with my rose tinted spectacles as mine were close-ish together, it was absolutely brilliant! And they were super cute. I've completely forgotten the hard bits.

These days from that point of view it's much easier, they will both sort out their lunches, and make me some, and can amuse themselves for hours. I love their growing independence.

The worst part now is the worry - is eldest eating enough, illness, SEN, school, friends, internet, etc...

It's the fighting and the fact Tey are completely different children when daddy is home. They are complete angels when he's home from work. Lol that's my favourite time of day. When hunk is home and the kids stop bickering and chucking themselves across the carpet

Mine are both independent adults but yes you never stop worrying about them (as someone said the fear) and I did think it would get easier as they grew up. As Michelle Obama said little people little problems big people big problems - oh for the days when a small treat and a cuddle could solve most of them.

Agree with a PP about the utter relentless of it all ... different stages have different things to worry about ... I personally found the baby years easy - but I had a great sleeper .

I know everyone says 'they are only little once' but I found the years have dragged ... then just as you congratulate yourself on having done a fairly good job and got your DC off to Uni ...
Covid strikes and they are home again. .

But I agree, you never stop worrying - I actually told my DM off yesterday - she is 87 - I had to ask her to stop worrying about us and let me and my siblings make our own choices .

You never stop worrying about them. My mum still told me to mind the road when I was going out right up to when she died when I was 37.

I found having my first baby hard. It’s a constant round of worrying and stressing about them. By the time you have a second it’s 100% easier. My children are older Now. The eldest is 22 and disabled. He’ll need care 24/7 for the rest of his life. I found the younger days much easier on reflection! I find it hard now knowing that day when your children are grown and living their own lives will never happen for us.

I am a mum to a 30 year old and an 8 year old and the hardest thing I have found was knowing when to step back.By that I mean knowing when not to interfere and having to step back knowing they are fully equipt to handle things. They do! The very best thing (i know you didnt ask but!) is when your 30 year old shouts love you mum all the way down the street and doesnt care who hears it cos he says he is so proud of you ..well nothing beats that!

Hi OP,

Not sure whether you’re looking for advice but if you’re open to any I’d suggest creating a good solid bedtime routine from as young an age as possible. Our 15 month old DS goes to bed at 18:30 and sleeps until 6/06:30 so we effectively have our evenings to spend together

Me again, oh so many of us talking about the fear and the not ever getting your brain back and I get so cross that none of this is acknowledged, understood, appreciated and I would guess 99% of men would not be able to grasp one iota of what we experience and think us loonies for feeling like this. My Dh does his best ( I make him listen, try to educate him - why should he live in a male cloud cuckoo land) but his main comment is wow, you're joking etc he just cannot grasp what I say as it is so far from his experience. Bless you all. When we give birth we should grow a layer of 'toughness' automatically so that we as an individual do not get subsumed by our children! I do think it is changing times too as children have become the 'important' ones and their needs take precedence over adults. What do others think about that point?

Royston, man benefit from both not doing what we do, and ignoring it, or thinking that we are biologically disposed to giving our own life up to serve others.
Man who are single parents feel the same as mothers as they then have the responsibility.
Basically, child rearing/housework/life admin etc is beneath them and society allows and encourages it. Men have defined what a woman and mother is.

I’ve found all those baby worries pale into insignificance compared to the worry that you are responsible for making them into a good person.