To ask what you find the hardest thing about being a mum

[violetmakesarainbow]

First time mum to 6 month old baby.

I love it, but wow, it's hard and so much harder than I expected.

I thought the baby would feed, sleep repeat. Wishful thinking.

It's so tiring. The lack of sleep is a killer, little time alone, little time alone with husband. Little time to wind down.
Constant worry about your baby, are they well & safe.
The worry of wether you are doing things right, is your baby doing what it "should"
The worry of if you're a good mum, are you as good as other mums.

Of course all of this is completely worth it when your baby smiles at you, laughs at you and their little face just lights up when you enter the room!!!

I may be completely alone in my feelings (in which case, I will start to panic)
But what does every one else find hard about being a parent?

Constant judgement.

Including of myself by myself.

Anxiety, guilt and lack of autonomy... Can't really pick between then tbh

Having to bury one of my babies. Nothing will ever be as hard as that.

Learning to give them the space and freedom to grow and make mistakes without protecting them from it, the teenage years are wonderful in many ways but so so hard in others

The relentlessness of it all. I adore the DC and wouldn't change my life one bit. But I've been a parent for almost 15 years and it is a never-ending and ever-changing cycle of needs being juggled and prioritised.

The worry receded for me once they got past the infant school stage, and at almost 15 DS doesn't worry me in the way he used to. It's strange though, because the worry almost changes shape - the things which were once my greatest fears have been replaced by other, different fears which I truly wasn't expecting at all.

The hardest thing is that I will never be able to put myself first ever again, even if I want to. I can have a break and have a breather and have time alone without him, but I will never enjoy it like I did before, because he always occupies at least 10% of my brain. I can't go shopping without thinking "ooh I'll just look for some new PJ's for him". I'll never go away without thinking "I hope he's ok". I'll never sleep a full night without waking up thinking I can hear him. Whether I like it or not, part of my brain and my entire being now belongs to him.

Not getting any alone time or quiet time. I really enjoy my own company and my 4 year old is very full on. She is always talking, always wanting you to play role playing games, speeds through every activity to get to the next one. I also have a 1 year old who can be quite clingy but is getting better now she's fully mobile.

And then when they are in bed and I'm folding tiny clothes, I miss them. I feel guilty for wishing away these early years, but it's so bloody hard to cherish these years when i don't feel like a natural mother. I know they love me and I'm not a bad parent, but I sometimes look at these mums that seem to really enjoy their kids, and I sometimes feel like mine are hard work.

I don't think lockdown helped, all being stuck together while also trying to work full time pretty much. It sucked all the fun out of being together.

But I am making a conscious effort to enjoy them more.

For me it's the loss of self. I'm a single mother and being in the company of my dependent children who see me only as 'mum' seems to have sucked the autonomy out of me.
Also being responsible for them - that is shit.
No way would I have had two if I'd known the extent to which my life would become limited by them, their needs and routine.

Sore nipples from feeding the baby and being called Adolf by my 16 yr old daughter because I made her put her dirty washing in the laundry basket in the utility room. Not that I'm asking her to wash them too, I'll do that but her room is such a tip I refuse to go in there. I blame her father, he spoils her something rotten, nothing is too much trouble where she's concerned. I keep telling him she's 16 not 6 !. She has , " Caution, Princess Asleep " on her bedroom door. Her older sister and twin brother are fine. Its just Princess Fifi. Sorry about that, feel better now. To be fair we very nearly lost her as a baby so I worry. You imagine all the nasty things that could happen. I never stop worrying. Thats the hardest part.

Sorry @DontDribbleOnTheCarpet I hadn't seen your reply when I replied.

FTM to a 13 month old and it’s just time consuming. In that I have no time to myself at all. DH often works away or late so it’s me all the time. Especially with Covid and lockdown DD is clingy and won’t even sleep alone.

I worry too much about his happiness. I just want him to have a perfect life and everything he needs to be happy. Every single person goes through something awful in their lifetime and the thought of something making him upset knocks me sick. It could be an accident, illness, heartbreak, job loss, grief. And I can't stop it from happening he is going to have to go through the motions over something. I already wish I could take away the mental/emotional/physical pain of whatever it's going to be.
He's 4.

The crying.
The not being able to ask them what’s wrong.
The perpetual lack of sleep; the sheer relentless of it.
The not knowing when you’ll get some control back over your time/life.
The fact that because it’s your only child, others just think you’re shit at it, when in reality you just have a really freaking difficult baby.

The best bit:
Eternal love.
A bond that very unlikely will ever be broken.

Right now the hardest is the constant ‘mummy do this’ ‘mummy watch this’ ‘can I have a drink?’ ‘I’m hungry’ ‘mummy come here’ ‘mummy..mummy’ argh they need to learn to be quiet sometimes

I found the first year very difficult. I actually found it so hard with my first born that by the second day I thought I'd made a terrible mistake! That didn't last but I did have terrible anxiety.

The thing I find hardest is that no matter how ill I'm feeling (physically or mentally) I just have to get on with it. There are some times I haven't been able to do it which makes me very guilty. It feels awful to be so unwell that you can't put your children first and it is very difficult to admit that. This happened to me 3 years ago when I had a mental breakdown.

But I wouldn't change my children for the world - they are my biggest blessings.

What do I find hardest about being a mum? Definitely the children.

The hardest thing is most definitely the children 🤣

But it’s all worth it, I feel very lucky to have them!

Lack of time.
Exhausting.
Constant worry (always there somewhere in the background, lighter when the kids are where I can see and touch them, getting heavier as they are further away for longer)

The first two get better as they get older. And you can get other people to share the burden.
But I don't think the last one ever goes away. And in a way I don't want it to. Children will grow and spread their wings, but they remain a part of us forever, and that's what I signed up for.

The lack of gratitude/appreciation!!

For me the hardest thing is the worry. I have two dc and am always worrying about one of them and sometimes it is over really silly things. As they have got older I don’t worry any less and have just destined myself to a life of worry 🤷‍♀️!
On a side note though the joys of parenting really do outweigh the bad (although some days it doesn’t seem like it 🤣). Enjoy ur little one!

Unfortunately the worry hasn't ended for me yet and my first baby is now 18 years old. When she was a baby her crying could be easy fixed by foodmilk/sleep/changing/medicine.

Earlier this year I sat in on her doctor's appointment and listened to her admit that the only thing stopping her from hurting herself was the thought of upsetting us as a family. Whilst the antidepressants have helped her, i'm left in a state of constant anxiety.

The fear, the worry and judgement from other people.

But also i have grown up so much since having a child and I really miss the old silly carefree me sometimes 😞

The sleep deprivation, honestly. Second is the never ending housework.

Great thread.
It's much, much harder than I thought it would be. I'm much more anxious about everything. I'm just starting now with my DD aged 4 to get nights in bed but that's not every night. She's got an autism diagnosis now which explains why her early years were hard for us both and nothing made sense/worked and I felt lost but now things are great. She's amazing and I love her so much.
It gets easier OP in a lot of ways but also harder too! Congrats on your wee one

I've got a 6 month old now and the thing I dislike the most is having to do everything in according to his nap schedule. If he doesn't nap well then between 4pm and 6.30pm he is so tired and unhappy. Invited out for lunch? Sorry but can I let you know on the day whether that time messes with his nap? I never considered myself a spontaneous person but I can't just 'do' something because 2-3 hours later he will need to nap again so ideally I need to be home.