To ask what you find the hardest thing about being a mum

[violetmakesarainbow]

First time mum to 6 month old baby.

I love it, but wow, it's hard and so much harder than I expected.

I thought the baby would feed, sleep repeat. Wishful thinking.

It's so tiring. The lack of sleep is a killer, little time alone, little time alone with husband. Little time to wind down.
Constant worry about your baby, are they well & safe.
The worry of wether you are doing things right, is your baby doing what it "should"
The worry of if you're a good mum, are you as good as other mums.

Of course all of this is completely worth it when your baby smiles at you, laughs at you and their little face just lights up when you enter the room!!!

I may be completely alone in my feelings (in which case, I will start to panic)
But what does every one else find hard about being a parent?

For me it’s the relentlessness. The weight of the responsibility feels like it could crush me sometimes. Even when I’m asleep I’m not switched off, I used to sleep like a log, now if the children so much as fart in their sleep it wakes me up. The love is overwhelming, quite scary if you think about it. I was quite reckless before I had them, I didn’t care about death or myself much. Now I am more scared of dying or taking big risks with myself purely for them. The thought of them being without their mother worries me.

I have a 15 yr old and 6 year old boys.... it never ends 😂

But I think accepting my life had completely changed after the first 6 months made things easier...

They are equally wonderful and a massive pain in the neck all at the same time every bloody day 😬

I could never be a mum. There is literally not one thing about it that appeals to me.

Always being on call. I've had 20 years of it and the lack of being able to do things spontaneously is a bit grim.

The fighting over toys usually (DD 5 DS 3), the constant talking mummy this, mummy that, the worry over them, the fear of losing them.

I've got four girls. They're all at very different stages of childhood and very different from each other so just trying to cater to each of them separately every day is exhausting.
They're great kids though, and I'm lucky to have them.

I actually found the baby stage really easy. But now I’ve got three kids and it’s just the monotony of having to sort out three meals a day whether I feel like eating or not, and the sheer drudgery of having to wash, dry, iron and put away their clothes. Especially ensuring that their school uniforms are ready. And if my husband dares ask me last thing on a Sunday night ‘are their uniforms sorted?’ I get pure rage. Because I’ve never not got them ready and what the fuck is he going to do if I say no? Fuck all is the answer to that question because he’s never had to sort uniforms for them ever apart from when I went into labour early with the youngest and he had to make sure their (already clean) uniform was sent with them to their aunt’s house. And then he sent two pairs of trousers clearly labelled for the younger child meaning they wouldn’t fit the older one. And the wrong coloured socks, though I suppose that didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things!

When dd was 6 months old I hated absolutely everything about being a mum. I thought I made a terrible mistake. Now she's 6 (and I work full time during term time... ) I love absolutely everything about being a mum. Hang in their OP; it get better!

Why can't he sort their uniforms amyandphillipfan? That would drive me absolutely nuts and I wouldn't consider it a small thing at all. No wonder you get the rage!

Crushing boredom

The lack of freedom and the physical needs of young children I’m find hard, especially during a pandemic. There is no safe place I can put my baby down while we’re out of the house. Even if I put her down on grass she starts putting every leaf and stone in her mouth. It’s constant watching and juggling, not being able to relax as if I do that’s when she’ll fall over and clonk her head. My eldest is more physically capable but more mentally demanding as he wants to be played with non-stop.

I went through a hard time with my eldest when he was two, after spending months becoming a shadow of himself we finally found out what was wrong and he needed an emergency operation. He was then diagnosed with something else which required months of daily treatments. Ultimately we were luckily as his problems were discovered in time. I try to remember how lucky we are to have two healthy children now, but there are still times I’m not as patient as I should be.

For me it's the winter colds/ viruses when they need to be off school and nursery and we have the 'who used carers leave last/ has any left/ has the most important meeting tomorrow' conversations and having to rearrange all our work commitments and then first child gets better and you send them back only to get a phone call to say the other one has been sick or something. It's always such a juggle between the two of us and causes a huge amount of stress (which needs to be hidden from the poorly young child as it isn't their fault!)

Now that they're a bit older I have nothing to do with them going to the toilet which I love. But my god the talking; talking all the livelong day. I'm hiding in the bathroom while I type this to escape it.

That and the knowledge that something could happen to them. There's a Hamilton lyric that says it really succinctly: you hold your child as tight as you can, and push away the unimaginable.

My DD asked me if that's true: I said yes but couldn't really say more. I don't want her to live with that just yet.

Probably having to be the one to organise everything and think of everything. Because the buck stops with you. Even if they go somewhere else, you have to make sure they have everything. All the school stuff, activities, washing, cooking, it's draining when you never get a day off. Having to be prepared to drop everything at the last minute because you get a phone call and you're needed. You can never 100-% switch off. And everyone else just expecting you to do it. Because you're'the mum'.

The anxiety and stress over illnesses and then when they get older and are away from me.

@SideAfries

Hope this helps OP. It’s universal. You’re not alone!

I just read this and had to hold back a sob. Am a mum of 3 and really struggling atm. But it helped, so thank you for posting it.

Overall I’d say the fear, the awful thought that creeps into your head every now and then that something awful might happen to them and knowing that you’ll always fear that no matter how old they are the fear is with you forever now.

On a more day to day basis I’d say just the relentlessness of it all (mine are 2 and 4), never being able to do what you want to do, constant feeding, cleaning, talking, negotiating, lifting etc.

The feeling of being robbed of my autonomy to serve others in the name of 'mum.'

That it's constant, there is no "home time". You don't get to switch off.

^^
I still feel this, and mine are 11 and 6! I’ve found it really hard from the start that there is suddenly no line drawn at the end of the day, when your time is automatically your own.

You have to get everyone else settled and in bed before you can feel, that’s it I’m done, and bits of relaxation along the way don’t seem to count - it’s the line drawn at the end looking for.

I’m not sure I’d feel like that if my youngest was 11 though - I hope not!

The lack of head space to think my own thoughts.

For the first year of DD1's life I was absolutely convinced that she was going to die. I think now it was a form of PND. Feeling that way was a horrible experience. I've also found transition to university and leaving home to live independently difficult . They'd been the centre of my life for so long and now I feel have to earn my place in theirs. It's got easier though

1. The constant worrying
2. The guilt and desperate plight to juggle a career alongside being the best mum I can be

The lack alone time and feeling touched out.

I thought it’d be horrific which is why I left it so late. It’s all been far, far easier than I feared. I think that makes a huge difference as to expectation vs reality. I was so focused on how hard it would be but am actually overwhelmed by how much love I feel and how enjoyable watching her grow is!
That’s not to say we don’t have shit days, we do. But they get less frequent.

The hard bit for me is going to be juggling work and home and horse. i am constantly torn and feel huge guilt.

@Cocomarine

The hardest thing about being a mum, is every now and then, it crosses my mind that she might die - and I feel my chest tighten, and I have to force myself to move on from the thought. Yeah, there’s day to day stuff that’s hard, or boring, or restrictive... but the single thing that most pulls me up short, is the fear of being without her.

Oh god, yes.