Should I ignore the HV?

[marvellousmaplesyrup]

Health Visitor came round to visit DS (8mths) this week for a general check up.

She said (in her own words) how "horrified" she was to see the size of DS. He's always been on 99.6th centile in both length (now 78cm) and weight, but since being weaned he's tipped slightly off the charts in weight to just over 25lbs. She me feel about 2 inches tall and gave me a proper rollicking for "over feeding" DS.

He used to have around 500mls of formula three times a day, porridge (65g) for breakfast and home cooked dinners with veg (around 100g) for lunch and dinner. No snacks, apart from some chopped up fruit when he was a bit grumpy.

Her advice is I need to cut all of this in half. Two bottles (150ml each) only on waking and bedtime, 32g of porridge, 50g of food for lunch and dinner. What's worse, is that she wants us to go from lunchtime at 11.45am until dinner at 5pm with nothing in between?

Because she made me feel so small and being a FTM, we followed her advice for a few days, but DS is understandably inconsolable and is sobbing with hunger most of the day. He is waking up in the night (despite sleeping through) and takes ages to get back to sleep.

My gut tells me I should probably cut down a bit, but not to the extent she wants us too. Surely there has to be a happy medium? AIBU to ignore her?

She'd have been horrified then at the size of my DS!

He was also off the height and weight charts from soon after birth. I was mildly worried about it but as both DH and I were chubby babies and then stick thin when we got older I didn't try to restrict his eating.

He finally topped out at 6' 6" and if he turned sideways you'd miss him!

My daughter was on the 50th centile had trouble feeding (undiagnosed tongue tie) and although I wasn’t pulled up by the hv by about two months was so fat you couldn’t see much facial definition.... she is now very slim (wears age 10-11 for length but can fit into 8-9 on the waist)

My niece was threatened with SS by a HV because she refused to take her twins to the health centre to be weighed. My niece told her to crack on and report her. Dniece is a social worker that works within child protection - which the HV should have known if she bothered to read her records.

If you are concerned seek another opinion from GP or different HV
The amount of formula you are giving is within recommendations please do not cut it as it is fortified with vital nutrients for your baby’s growth and development.
Babies come in all shapes and sizes grow and develop at different rates, you will probably find that when he starts moving his shape will change.
He sounds like he is a big baby growing in proportion, my son was very much the same.
I’m a dietitian (not paeds) I had an health visitor reduce me to tears and make me question everything I knew as a new mum so I can appreciate how you feel,
I also had brilliant a HV support me with BF. There is good and bad in every profession.
Trust your gut and see how he gets on when he’s moving about a bit more.
Best of luck and enjoy those chubby baby cuddles

My son was like that he's now 6 foot 5 and a half.

Since when did health visitors pop round for a general check up at 8 months?

Firstly I have to say I am personally shocked and I really feel for you! Please please ignore the HV and any negative comments “self righteous do gooders” post on here. I am a mother of 4 beautiful healthy children all born big babies and all were on hungry baby milk and having rusk and baby rice way before the preferred guidelines and recommendations...all my children were weighing in slightly over the centile lines and I can vividly recall the many arguments and upsets over HV “advice”. I personally can not stand HV’s telling you what you should and shouldn’t be doing they just relate what they learn from a text book and no baby or child comes with a manual. I have been through the mill myself and spent time in hospital along with my youngest son, where I had countless professionals from DR’s, Nurses, Health Care Nursery Nurses Midwives and Mental Health professionals telling me to disregard what HV’s “recommend” because they can’t stand them themselves and they just relate their textbook knowledge. Your DS will be perfectly fine on his own routines with food and milk when babies are full they will let you know by simply refusing food and milk they don’t gorge like adults! Stick to what you and your baby are happy with and I guarantee he will be a happy beautiful little boy and always remember what ever HV says it’s just advice and recommendations you don’t have to stick to text book with a baby or child.

I’d give him what he needs.

I'm 5'10" and DS1s DDad was 6'5". DS1 was small at birth but pretty soon over the 100th centile for height and weight. He ate very well. HVs and nurses would comment on his weight.
He's now almost 14 and 6ft 4 with size 13 feet. He's slim (but not skinny) and sporty.
Some kids are destined to be tall and need weight to balance that height

Certainly do not change things in a drastic sudden way but cut down a bit on what you currently give gradually. Do not beat yourself up about it.

HV are not dietitians and are not qualified to give weight loss advice for babies. Take on board some of her advice (the bits you like and work for you) and ignore the rest. And do not let your baby go hungry for 5 hours plus, babies have small tummies and need to eat regularly. Once he starts walking you’ll find that his weight will even out. If it doesn’t then you can go to GP and get advice or be referred to dietitian.

Absolutely spot on

HV perfectly within her rights to be “horrified” if you’re feeding your 8 month old double the recommended amounts of formula, fizzy drinks, puréed mars bars or anything remotely similar.

On the other hand, to be “horrified” by the size of a baby/child (or any person really) is despicable and says a lot more about the HVs own issues around food and weight than it does about you or your child.

Please ignore, don’t give this woman a second thought and listen to all the posters talking about their own hungry babies blossoming into “normal” sized adults. When he’s 12 months and can drink cows milk instead of formula, swap him over and give him as much of everything nutritious as he wants!

If you start second guessing and getting paranoid about your baby being fat now, all the more likely you might unwittingly cause yourself and your baby problems down the line by being over worried about food around him.

My DD was 99th percentile from the day she was born til after she started school. In one of the early school years they do a height/weight check and I got a letter home suggesting she was obese and should “move more”. She was categorically not obese and only ever ate good portions of relatively healthy food (with the odd sweet treat thrown in) but no crisps/fizzy drinks/squash/sweets etc etc.

I ignored the letter and am so glad I did. I want her to enjoy food and not be worried about her weight in relation to eating proper meals of nutritious food. Children change shape and size a lot as they grow, but a positive attitude to food and eating will stand then in good stead for a lifetime.

She is currently a completely healthy, medium sized 10 year old - without any puppy fat, but with an increasingly hearty appetite!

@Marshmallow91

Please OP if you do one thing today, ignore *@Sertchgi123*

Give your baby what he needs - YOU know him best, not the HV. I second asking for a referral to a paediatric dietician because they'll be best to advise you. Until then, go back to normal and let your baby eat and drink, they don't overeat at that stage.

No, don't do that. You only need to see the number of 4 year olds waddling into Reception to know that actually, 'Mum' evidently doesn't always know best.

I also don't agree that every chubby baby will become a chubby adult. My siblings and I were all on the small side, ranging from 5 - 6 lbs when born and we all have to watch our weight a lot as adults. My dbro was so tiny they had to have a uniform (at weird prep school) made specially for him as they didn't make one small enough! He is not 6'4" and very muscular, but if he doesn't watch himself, he gets fat easily. I am also tall and chubby / fat. Dsis is small in height but is strong, sporty and also a bit chubs. DH's family were MONSTER babies. All huge and chunky and chubby. All of them are now skinny. Tending to need to watch they don't get underweight!

Not saying that is true of everyone, but it can happen.

I also think that, while, of course the obesity crisis needs to be tackled, I'm not sure targeting younger and younger children is the right way to go about it. I look at photos from ye olden days and all the adults are teeny, but the toddlers and babies are still chubby.

I'd do as pps suggest, maybe cut down the formula a bit and add more vitamins. Maybe cut down on sugar, including things like dried fruit and limit snacking.

Sorry, but I am very wary indeed of advice given out by HVs as if it is the gospel truth. I know there are great ones and I actually have met some in the area I live in. But, I take medical advice from them with a pinch of salt I'm sorry to say. I tend to listen to what they say and then do my own research and speak to my friends and family who are doctors and nurses before acting as they recommend. My sil who is a GP has pretty much chased one out of her house before now, as she was spouting absolute bollocks at her. What a shock she got when she realised she'd been lecturing an experienced GP!

You only need to see the number of 4 year olds waddling into Reception to know that

Maybe where you live 🤷‍♀️. I have seen on waddly child of this age in my entire life and it was so noteworthy I remembered it. My dc1 is yr 1 and the kids in that class all look normal to me. Dc1 is 25th centile for BMI before you say "oh you clearly have warped views of what normal looks like on a child that age". No, I don't.

Ignore the HV. 8 months is not a time to cut feeds. They lean out when they start walking.

As Health Visitors are getting a bad name on this thread I think I should say I had a fantastic one. My oldest Dd now 4 and a half had delayed walking. I was a bottom shuffler and didn’t walk till 22months. I was however a very early talker. I was however perfectly ‘normal’. As a teenager was good at long distance running, a strong swimmer etc. The fact I didn’t walk till very late is meaningless to my life. My Dd was just the same very early to talk. I remember her key worker being amazed when she said dinosaur at just turned 1. Apart from her gross motor skills all her other skills were very advanced for her age. Like me she was a bottom shuffler. She actually didn’t walk till she was 2 years 3 months. I knew my child and was confident she was just taking after me. My Health Visitor listened to me and agreed. She kept in touch to check she was progressing (which she was). In the end she was referred to the hospital because her nursery were making such a fuss about it. After blood tests etc and not finding anything wrong she was eventually diagnosed with mild hyper mobility. Which basically means her joints are slightly more flexible. The diagnosis seems pretty irrelevant as it doesn’t effect her at all now. She runs and jumps like any 4 year old. I think I was right not to worry and was glad my HV thought likewise.

I think possibly a few bad HV’s give the profession a bad name. Plus I think people don’t generally like being questioned on their parenting skills so it gets people’s backs up. In your case Op I think you were unlucky to get one of the bad ones. There is no way she should have told you to cut a baby’s intake in half. That is utterly cruel. If he is a big baby in length then it is obvious he will weigh more anyway. My oldest was a naturally slim baby, but was long and despite not having the typical baby chubbyness was on the 75th percentile for weight.

Please ignore!! The reason there are height / weight charts is because babies are all different sizes. If he’s always been big I just don’t understand the issue. My baby was 10 pound 8 and continued to be chubby until he was a toddler. He’s 7 now and whippet thin with muscles and a crazy amount of energy, he still also eats loads of (good) food. If you are concerned please get referred to a dietician. I honestly have very little time for HV

My ds was on the 95th centile and has always eaten loads. He cried a lot first couple weeks so my hv suggested supplementing breast with formula and he guzzle it down. At 8 weeks she suggested a spoonful of baby rice at lunchtimes as he was always hungry. He never looked back and was on a small bowl of rice by 3 months. He has always had a great appetite and is now a 6' bean pole. He used to fill out then shoot up up until a teen then just shot up. I would go with your baby and as long as he's eating good stuff I'm sure he'll be fine.

I would not listen to the health visitor, but as others have said go and see your gp with her concerns. I have had some terrible advice from hvs over the years including one telling me she was sure my babies eczema wasnt eczema as it looked too 'wet' and insisted I stopped using emollient. The gp was horrified. I mostly smile and nod now.

Ignore her.

I should add that I have also had a couple of v good health visitors, but you tend to see someone different each time you have contact.

It sounds as if he will grow up to be extremely tall from what you have said about yours and your husband's heights. I would cut down on the cereal more than anything else, otherwise you sound as if you are giving your baby a very good diet. We had the opposite with ours, particularly the middle child. He ate well but struggled to put weight on. As an adult he is short with a very quick metabolism - just like his father at his age. Our youngest child, our daughter, was like a little buddha at a year, 19 1/2 pounds and very short (her centile charts matched, though) but as an adult she is a petite size 6. Your baby at eight months is about the same height as she was at two.

You know whether he is getting fat or not... Just ensure if he is a little over the average ie not fat, just keep an eye on it.

You do not want all the pressure put onto him once he starts school etc