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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s petty?!

82 replies

WeakLeftFin · 14/09/2020 09:30

We have 2 DC. DD15 DS14. DS bit very social. Typical Xbox kid. DD more front , always in your face. Likes to talk...a lot.
Anyways, so petty I know but - DD will sit down stairs and watch tele. Netflix or sky. I’ll potter around doing usual stuff. DH will tell DD if she wants to watch tv go to her room and watch it. So ends up being me (if DH home then him) alone downstairs as they aren’t allowed to watch it in the main room.
It’s that bad that DH was talking in his sleep this morning and actually said “you’re not watching tv here when you have a tv in your room” To actually dream it is taking the mick!
I haven’t bought it up yet, I’m brooding over it. AIBU to have an issue with it? The fact he’s dreaming about telling her off too!
I’m waffling I know. But I’m just like WTF.

OP posts:
TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 14/09/2020 09:33

Petty that he makes her watch tv upstairs? In which case yanbu.

Or petty that he dreams about it? In which case yabu as he can't choose what he dreams about.

Florencex · 14/09/2020 09:35

I think it is awful that they aren’t allowed to watch TV with you downstairs. I thought parents usually had a problem with teens spending all their time in their rooms whereas he is banishing them. 🙁

The dream wouldn’t be my main concern here.

Plussizejumpsuit · 14/09/2020 09:37

He sounds like a dick sorry. Why does he want his own child to fuck off upstairs? But yes wtf at him dreaming about it.

TheBeesKnee · 14/09/2020 09:38

It sounds like your husband doesn't like your children. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't have much to do with him and maybe you when they fly the nest.

littlemsattitude · 14/09/2020 09:39

Why have you started two threads? Your dh is a selfish dick and I'd be kicking him out.

Original poster
WeakLeftFin · 14/09/2020 09:42

@littlemsattitude

Why have you started two threads? Your dh is a selfish dick and I'd be kicking him out.
Yes I did! It wouldn’t load the first time so typed it quick again! Apologies for the 2 threads.
OP posts:
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 14/09/2020 09:44

I don't have a TV in my room, whereas my DC do. So if I wanted to watch TV, I'd ask them to watch their choice in their room. If we were all watching the same thing then of course we'd sit together. And if they are in the middle of something, it's rare that I'd ask them to move immediately - I'd wait for a natural break.

MsEllany · 14/09/2020 09:46

YANBU. Ousted from the living room for no reason at all.

LagunaBubbles · 14/09/2020 09:48

Sounds very controlling to me. I would love my teenagers to watch TV downstairs more often, even if I'm not watching its nice to see them!

LakieLady · 14/09/2020 09:51

If it's because she wants to watch different programmes from you and DH, then that's fair enough. The adults should have the final say, imo.

But to pack her off to her room just for the sake of it seems awful imo. I think it's lovely when families sit and watch stuff together and chat about it.

I think I'd have been quite hurt by that if I was a 15-year old.

Sparklfairy · 14/09/2020 09:58

So he's a nasty controlling dick even when he's asleep?! I have to admit that's impressive.

There's something a bit sinister about him feeling so strongly about excluding DD that he dreams about it and talks in his sleep about it. Confused

Disfordarkchocolate · 14/09/2020 10:03

Sounds like he enjoys being in control, is he her Dad?

It's not what we do in our house, it means I watch some crap TV I don't enjoy very much but that's just as likely if we watch what my husband likes.

honeylulu · 14/09/2020 10:10

Yes it's petty if there isn't a good reason for it.

We have 2 living rooms - a "nice" living room on which we spent quite a lot of money on a suite, decor etc. And a more casual living room principally for the kids to watch TV, do crafts etc with less expensive furniture. The reasoning is that they can have food and drink in the comfy living room, they don't have to tidy up their stuff (because I can just shut the door and not look at it until the weekend). The nice living room I like kept clean and tidy and it's my haven for me (and husband) to relax in when we've finished work. We do long days and I'd be gutted to have to tidy and clean it every day before I can enjoy it. The kids are allowed in it - when we're there - but no food/drink, climbing on furniture and if there is a dispute over what to watch, the adults get to choose . I dont like them in there on their own as they can't stick to those simple requests.

My husband thought I was being "petty" to insist and would let them use it un- monitored. Within a couple of weeks there was (a) felt pen on the new coffee table , (b) a small rip on the new sofa where daughter had climbed on it wearing roller skates and (c) husband sat down in a bowl of cereal, milk and all, left in an armchair. He now agrees!

However if your daughter is well house trained and your H is sending her away for the sake of not wanting her in the room, that seems mean. (Or does she jabber away through all these programmes? That would be quite annoying. )

Original poster
WeakLeftFin · 14/09/2020 10:11

No he isn’t her dad. I didn’t realise people would come to that conclusion but can see it must make sense.
He does have a control issue, just in general. But to dream it, it’s made me feel sh1t. I told him about it and he said nothing back to it.

OP posts:
littlemsattitude · 14/09/2020 10:15

@WeakLeftFin

No he isn’t her dad. I didn’t realise people would come to that conclusion but can see it must make sense. He does have a control issue, just in general. But to dream it, it’s made me feel sh1t. I told him about it and he said nothing back to it.
I'd be giving him his marching orders. We don't do bedroom TVs here and we take it in turns to choose what to watch.
Original poster
WeakLeftFin · 14/09/2020 10:15

Our house is very very small. The front room is linked to the kitchen, and DD does have a habit (when DH hasn’t told her to go up) to eavesdrop and butt into conversations. She is ‘always around’ which I know is annoying for DH and for me sometimes. So the issues do run a lot deeper. And DD isn’t exactly a model child at times. BUT it’s just got to me he’s now dreaming about telling her off. It’s like holy hell. Just rubbed me the wrong way today

OP posts:
TenDays · 14/09/2020 10:16

It's your DD's home as much as your DH's and she has a right to watch TV with her mother. You also have a right to her company and to bond with her. He is coming between you.

His dreaming about telling her off suggests to me that he is a bit obsessed with the issue. You need to stand up for her.

riotlady · 14/09/2020 10:17

I think that’s such a shame, like he doesn’t want her around!

Poulter · 14/09/2020 10:20

Always around? It's her home. She shouldn't be banished to her room on a regular basis. Your DH sounds like a bit of a bully tbh. I feel sorry for your children.

MJMG2015 · 14/09/2020 10:21

He's not her Dad? He'd be gone by the weekend!

No ifs, no buts!

bluebeck · 14/09/2020 10:21

First thing that popped into my head was that DH wasn't DDs dad.

I really think this is something to take him to task over. If he doesn't want to watch TV with you and DD, he can fuck off upstairs, no?

AryaStarkWolf · 14/09/2020 10:23

Why not? Unless there was something that you or he specifically wanted to watch? I love when I can get mine to sit and watch TV with us/me!

BlueSlice · 14/09/2020 10:26

DD does have a habit (when DH hasn’t told her to go up) to eavesdrop and butt into conversations. She is ‘always around’
She’s probably desperate for attention. I’d start looking for ways to join in conversations too if I was always sent off to be by myself upstairs.

It is literally her home. Why are you allowing her be pushed away?

Disfordarkchocolate · 14/09/2020 10:27

I bet she feels he's always around.

Someone once said your ready to be a parent when your ready to be permanently interuptable for the next 20 years. Depressing but largely true, your wants and needs are no longer the only consideration you have.

RoseTintedAtuin · 14/09/2020 10:27

It sounds like he just wants some space in his own house. I can sympathise with that tbh. When I was young I used to ‘escape’ to the kitchen for a bit of quiet and alone time.
I think it’s a bit harsh for you to police his dreams also, he may have been dreaming about her interrupting your conversations etc.
If you have a problem raise it with him but I would make an effort to see it from his perspective too.

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