To think it’s petty?!

[WeakLeftFin]

We have 2 DC. DD15 DS14. DS bit very social. Typical Xbox kid. DD more front , always in your face. Likes to talk...a lot.
Anyways, so petty I know but - DD will sit down stairs and watch tele. Netflix or sky. I’ll potter around doing usual stuff. DH will tell DD if she wants to watch tv go to her room and watch it. So ends up being me (if DH home then him) alone downstairs as they aren’t allowed to watch it in the main room.
It’s that bad that DH was talking in his sleep this morning and actually said “you’re not watching tv here when you have a tv in your room” To actually dream it is taking the mick!
I haven’t bought it up yet, I’m brooding over it. AIBU to have an issue with it? The fact he’s dreaming about telling her off too!
I’m waffling I know. But I’m just like WTF.

My two grown up dc have a stepdad who came into their lives when they were both under 11 years old. I made it clear to him from the off that the dc were my priority before we became serious. Both dc love him and although they don’t call him dad they get him Father’s Day cards with dad on it.

I remember DH and I enduring Take Me Out and Gilmore Girls because dd loved it. We had “our time” when the dc were in bed.

Don’t accept your H’s behaviour toward your dc. They’ll leave home before you know it and I can’t imagine they would want to visit with your controlling H around.

I just don't understand-exiled to your bedroom for the crime of watching tv in the family room?! So he's loving and kind some of the time and a dictator otherwise? Now he's dictating in his sleep because that's his real persona? So what's he doing to help his mental health? Is the diagnosis assholeitis?

It's very odd to speak about your child like she's a constant hindrance; if your DP doesn't enjoy living with her, he needs to leave. If he can't be kind and respectful towards her, he needs to leave. Your DD doesn't have the option to leave. She doesn't have the option to do a great deal, and I think your DP's dislike of her is almost starting to rub off on you.

My 9 year old is glued to my side lately. Never before; he was fiercely independent til lockdown happened and to be honest, it knocked his little world on its head and he's responded to it by being more clingy and needing more from me. I'm alright with it; he's a child and he's still reliant on me for consistency, calm and nurture. Please consider how your DP's behaviour will be impacting upon your DD and make some changes.

I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m seeing a lot of empathy from you for your DH, you’ve analysed what his persons is like, why he’s like this, where it stems from, etc etc.

But there’s none of that about your DD.
Nothing about why she is like she is, why she behaves like that, very.... detached from her.

I think you should really try and spend as much time analysis the what’s and why with her as you do with him

DH never used to be like this but then DD wasn’t so needy. It’s like over lockdown it’s become a struggle with both of them.

She's being needy because she's being treated like crap by your husband and she desperately wants to feel more secure and loved. You're the one she trusts and who makes her feel safe, so she's craving time with you.

I have mental health problems that make me a pain to live with, so you know what I do? I don't live with other people. I especially don't live with children who need love and security.

Every sympathy with what your husband is going through but he needs to get urgent help and if he can't treat your daughter with respect and love he needs to move out.

It seems to me that the poor girl is so clingy because you and your husband make it clear to her that she is an annoyance.
If he's always been like this with her, I'm shocked you married him. It's sad how many women seem to let step fathers treat the children like shit.

It sounds like you do lots with your kids, then when dh is around everything changes and they are made to feel unwelcome. Parenting is hard and I'm sure it's harder when the kids aren't actually yours, but he has to understand that he's married into her family, not the other way around. I'm sure l lockdown has been a strain on your dc as much as your husband!
Is he getting help for his issues re need to control? Could he stay with his own parents for a bit if he needs space.