Life is less exciting as we age - AIBU?

[GettingUntrapped]

A few days ago I was chatting to an acquaintance and when I said I was feeling a bit bored, he replied that this is to be expected, because as we get older, there are naturally fewer things to be excited about in life. He implied this was his experience. He's about 60.

I've been thinking about this and wonder that with the reduction of sex hormones etc as we age, well, things change, energy changes. I'm 54, but don't really want to give up yet.

Does life just naturally get less exciting around my age? I hate the idea of settling.

I had a pretty blah period when my son was young, but otherwise, I've always done enough to feel excited abut life.

I'm mid-50s and the last 2 years have been 2 of the most exciting ever.

I know some of my more settled friends don't understand why I do the things I do - as a PP says, they would view it as stressful. But I like my life that way.

COVID shut down a lot of my plans, but I found excitement in learning new skills and refining old ones.

My ex-MIL was still globetrotting until COVID hit, well into her 80s, so I see no reason I shouldn't have my own version of an exciting life into old age.

I do not have a savings pot and will have to always work.

I agree with the people saying we tend to want and need less excitement as we get older.

I'm mid 40s and value the contentment that I have now - long marriage, kids getting older and more independent, we've lived in the same house for 15 years and known most of our friends for years - compared to my 20s (nights out, moving to a different flat share every year or two, meeting lots of new people etc).

Less exciting but still happy

Well, I had an exciting life, good career with paid travel, I was good looking and had a great social life.
Had my kids late, they are 9 and 14. So, I don't have much freedom now and am a single parent. I feel stifled, lost my identity and find the role of mother pretty boring, frustrating and limiting most of the time.
I know I need to crank things up so I'm doing stuff that interests me.
Some great replies here.

@FishPalace
It's all very well looking down on other people's lives . But remember that just because In your view their lives are 'done and dusted ' by the age of 30 (or whenever) , none of the people on here posting here about feeling content with their steady lives is unhappy .

In fact being content with simple things in life and what you have is a common facet of people with good mental health . People who are constantly craving excitement , the next big thing are often those that struggle or turn to drink and drugs when they aren't getting the highs they crave through their every day lives .'

I find it very odd that people would think excitement is directly about age. Ageing can make lives smaller and more difficult, and in that situation then maybe, but it's not the age itself.
My life's going very badly on the finances and employment front. There have always been money worries, but I was able to reassure myself that I could always get more work. Thanks to Covid combined with disability, that safety net has gone.
If I think about it all too much it strips away any excitement about life, but that's not age, it's fear.

TBH life started badly and has always been difficult and underfunded, and I think that's actually given me a huge zest for lots of smaller things, a huge appreciation of simply still being alive, and made meeting challenges beyond basic survival into exiting opportunities!

I'm trying to invent a couple of things at the moment. It isn't life changing or even that needed, but I get exited at the research and the possibilities.
I find creativity brings me excitement, it always did. I can do so much with so little.
If I had money I think I'd be in a state of permanent excitement because of all the possibilities it would open up!

PS if anyone comfortably off needs me, I am available!

I'm a very solitary and self-absorbed person and I think that my life looks very boring from the outside but to me it is fascinating, I never have enough time for all the things I want to do.

Maybe not on this thread , but I’m thinking more about another lengthy current thread called something like ‘AIBU to think my life is finished?’ which had dozens of people expressing sadness that they have no more ‘milestones’ left to meet, and feeling their lives were on a downward trajectory as a result. If thinking of your life that way makes you happy, obviously that’s a good thing, but all I’m saying is that it’s not compulsory. And I’m certainly not ‘looking down’ on those who do, any more than they are likely to be envious of the risks I’m taking.

@Heffalooomia

I'm a very solitary and self-absorbed person and I think that my life looks very boring from the outside but to me it is fascinating, I never have enough time for all the things I want to do.

Exactly — I think that’s key. To be very interested in your own life, even if it’s not (a) straightforward or (b) anything someone else would f8nd enviable or interesting.

Aah OK @FishPalace

I understand what you are saying and in fact I think that someone feeling that life is all downhill once they've achieved their expected milestones is the opposite of people being content with a steady life .

And although I spoke of links between contentment and good mental health , it is also important as you get older (I'm talking older middle age and above) to continue having some new experiences and learning new things as this can help strengthen the brain against dementia

shinynewapple2020 ...it is also important as you get older (I'm talking older middle age and above) to continue having some new experiences and learning new things as this can help strengthen the brain against dementia

I don't mean to be rude, but that seems an awfully low bar!
I intend to be constantly having new experiences and learning new things for the joy and sake of them, not as some reduced diet and hoped for health sticking plaster.

I know people who got to 40 and stopped.

No kids, no pets, mortgage paid off. Took early retirement. They told us they sit listening to the cricket on the radio and my friend took up knitting.
We once asked if they fancied going for a drink and was told in no uncertain terms that they wouldn’t dream of going out at such a late hour.

It was 6.30pm and it was the summer so broad daylight,
Not spoken to them in years.

Did see them when I was driving. I had to do a double take. They looked ancient. My friend was tucked up in a wheelchair and her husband was pushing her.
They looked like neither of them had much time left.
It was really sad

I'm a bloke in my late 30s and enjoying myself more than I ever have.

However, in my case I had a hormonal disorder which increasingly robbed me of my sex drive and energy from my late 20s to mid 30s. I thought it was just job stress and lifestyle relayed (had got a bit plump lol) but after training hard and eating/sleeping well etc it didn't change much.

Doc put me on hormones and now I literally feel like I'm back in my early 20s in terms of zest for life and energy. Part of this is probably the contrast of having felt crap for years, but another thing I've realised is how much endocrinology likely has an effect on wellbeing. Men nowadays have about 20% less testosterone then their grandfathers and there are many more slobbish overweight guys about (obesity also lowers your testosterone).

So many of my mates seem to have become portly lazy men, but I'm full of energy. I managed to get back in shape before my problem was diagnosed but never seemed to really get results that reflected my efforts - muscle building was likely impaired by having the testosterone of an 85yo man.

Now at 38 and several years into treatment I'm full of energy, have changed to a non desk job five years ago which felt so liberating, and I'm in the best shape of my life (literally have a physique to rival Daniel Craig in Bond movies). It's not a given that live becomes dull. I'll likely have slowed down by 60 but right now I'm loving it.

I’m 53 and in my ‘younger days’ would not have given you thanks for excitement. I’m the person who once nodded off in a nightclub (past my bedtime). I always preferred a nice pub with a real fire, real ale and a friendly dog to any hot sweaty club where you have to fight to get to the bar. I settled far too soon for the wrong partner and it took me ten years to figure it out, so sexual adventures didn’t happen then either. Travel was something I’d have done had I been brave and rich enough. Now? Post meno’ and having a bit of a re-boot. I sincerely hope excitement is possible for the future.

I turned 40 this year and entered 2020 feeling a renewed sense of excitement about life. My 30s were dominated by the daily slog of parenting small children, but finally I was getting back to the things I enjoy - travelling, eating out, cinema trips. Now I just feel like life is on hold again indefinitely because of all the bloody Covid restrictions, but I think it'll be exciting again once thats over

I think sex hormones do have something to do with it, and I miss the excitement of meeting men I fancy. Sex drive not strong post menopause so I don't go 'seeking' any more.

I'm hoping not. I had my children in my 30s and am hoping DH and I will spend our
early 60s touring the world by motorcycle. I'm too nervous to ride while they're still dependant upon us, but once they're all earning their own money and too old to need a new guardian if anything happens to us...

It's a dream anyway.

I've had lots of fresh starts and new adventures in my life (travel, moving abroad, different life phases including but not only having children and the different phases as they grow up, career changes, learning new things and getting to know completely different people etc) despite being with DH since my mid 20s and not having new romantic interests, that's not all there is to an exciting life!

I am really excited about my 50s. I love being a Mum, but I also miss the freedom and self centred approach to my free time that I used to have. When my lovely DD is at Uni or more independent at least, I intend to have a full on second wind that will involve going to festivals, lots of travelling and taking up lots of new hobbies. I think it will be even better than my twenties as I am much more wise and self confident now. I just hope I have my health as if I do, nothing will stop me re -embracing life and making me time.

I suppose it partly depends whether you think about “milestones.” I never did, I just got to them-met DH, advanced in my career, bought a house eventually, then kids. But I didn’t really plan or think about it too much ( DD just happened after years of being careful with contraception, got complacent🤣).

@Oliversmumsarmy. Interesting story about the child free couple not really taking advantage of their freedom. It’s obviously personality, because I know a few ppl who have far less exciting lives than ppl with children, more expenses, etc. They just don’t do much with that time and money. Bit of a shame really.

My life is boring (check out my user name) but it wasn't always this way. I feel like I could choose for it not to be boring and that this is how I want to be. What makes me really happy now is different to 10 years ago.

It's not 'smug' @ssd. People are just pointing out that life doesn't end because you hit 50. It is a time (for many) when actually you do begin to have more freedom to do lots of things that you didn't have time for over the previous 25 years. Not even to do with money. dh and I have been going for a walk for an hour or so, most days, since March. Cost nothing, but it's been nice to have that time together, each day, to just talk and walk, and watch the duckings and goslings appear and grow. Not exciting in some people's eyes but quite exiting to reconnect after years of trying to balance childcare, work, study, volunteering, hobbies, etc for a long long time, and not really having that much time "just to be".

I do agree with so many who have said this is about attitude though, and finding things to be 'exciting' that others wouldn't.

I'm 61. Life is as boring or exciting as you make it and it's not necessarily about money, it's attitude.