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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Life is less exciting as we age - AIBU?

121 replies

GettingUntrapped · 12/09/2020 21:16

A few days ago I was chatting to an acquaintance and when I said I was feeling a bit bored, he replied that this is to be expected, because as we get older, there are naturally fewer things to be excited about in life. He implied this was his experience. He's about 60.

I've been thinking about this and wonder that with the reduction of sex hormones etc as we age, well, things change, energy changes. I'm 54, but don't really want to give up yet.

Does life just naturally get less exciting around my age? I hate the idea of settling.

OP posts:
BlackberrySky · 13/09/2020 02:25

I think the rate of change is slower because you have often already hit all the major "milestones" in relationships, career, children, home etc. There is also less unnecessary drama and angst as both you and your friends lose appetite for petty nonsense. I think it's great!

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 13/09/2020 06:36

I found the exciting years quite stressful. I managed to cram two degrees, marriage, DC and buying a house into my twenties and frankly it was too much.

Now I enjoy country walks with my family, meals out with friends, cross stitch, growing fruit and veg and decorating my home. I love it and don't miss the excitement at all.

Laserbird16 · 13/09/2020 06:43

Life is less spontaneous and I suppose less impressive on the face of things but I still find it exciting. Logistically I can't just throw DH and the DDs on a plane and off we go...well I suppose I could but I don't want to. It's just not as enjoyable. Things will change as they get bigger and I enjoy the smaller less impressive stuff just as much. It is what you make of it and often when we are younger I think we get caught up in what we should do rather than what we like to do.

seayork2020 · 13/09/2020 06:51

Excitement takes more effort than I have, apart from travel I am happy with boring the less stress and dramas the better.

Sure if I wanted excitement I could have it but I just can't be bothered

PamDemic · 13/09/2020 06:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatherineJaneway · 13/09/2020 06:55

Actually it's more exciting in my experience. I have more money to do the things I want to do. As a young person I lived hand to mouth constantly working, living in a bedsit etc. Not exciting.

Wetweekend99 · 13/09/2020 06:56

I would say that I'm more impulsive so therefore I find my life exciting however my husband is older than me and I've noticed that he is less and less interested in doing anything that isn't drinking a beer in the evening and going to bed early. I'm starting to find that hard work. Some people are doers and others are happy to watch on the side lines.

ReallySpicyCurry · 13/09/2020 07:08

God, I just can't imagine feeling like this. I've had some really miserable times in my life, but I've never felt I've done anything or that there's nothing left to do- quite the opposite. I'm worried I'll not have time to do all the things I want to. I had my first child very young, so mostly skipped out on the wild clubbing and sex thing. Excitement for me is very much linked with job, education and travel opportunities.

caughtalightsneeze · 13/09/2020 07:14

I don't think I've ever found life exciting. I do remember being excited when I first met my husband but we were only 18. I wonder if I would have found it so exciting if I had been older. The last time I remember being excited was almost 20 years ago, the day we moved into our house.

I didn't find being pregnant or having babies exciting, just terrifying.

That's not to say I haven't enjoyed things, I have. But I think I struggle to 'allow' myself to get excited about things, or to show enthusiasm. I think it's possible that it's related to my upbringing.

GnomeDePlume · 13/09/2020 07:16

I am in my 50s and now ridiculously excited about a DIY project we are in the middle of.

As I have got older I have got more excited about the things I would have considered dull in my 20s and 30s and would now consider dull the things I got excited about in my 20s and 30s.

CupOfTeaAlonePlease · 13/09/2020 08:08

I wish my life was more boring.

I am exhausted.

kavalkada · 13/09/2020 08:08

I always thought the one upside of being poor is the fact that you learn to enjoy in small things.

I was poor my whole life. My father was a gambler and most of my childhood we had no money because of that. We were lucky my mother worked in the restaurant and her boss let her take food home for us. I have never received a Christmas or birthday present before I started earning and bought one for myself.

I've been through a terrible war when I was a child and spent two years in shelter with no water and electricity and very scarce food and alone with my brother because my parents had to work (I was 12, he was 10).

My biggest wish when I was a kid and a teen was to go and visit London. It was my dream. I saved for three years and I went with a friend. Both of us didn't have much money left and we fed ourselves on yellow stickers sandwiches and walked all day long but it is a trip I'll always remember.

I have two kids now, a lovely husband. We're not poor, but we're not rich, or even comfortable by UK standards but I feel very happy. I like board games and I have one I really want in my amazon basket and I'm happy as a child because I'll get it on Christmas morning. This afternoon we'll pack sandwiches, juice, fruit, ball and picnic blanket and go to the park. I can't wait.

I love books and I don't have much money to buy new, but I love wandering in my local library looking for something new I haven't read, especially know that autumn is here.

I like to wake up early in the morning and cycle while streets are still empty, sit on the bench in my favorite park and have a cup of coffee I brought from home and read a book.

The other day I went with a friend to buy some clothes for kids and we went to have dinner at McDonald's. I know for most everybody here that is nothing to look forward to, but I was really happy as it was a special treat for me. We laughed and talked and it was lovely to be with a friend.

I have a folder on my computer with imaginary travel destinations I would like to visit. Until then I can I travel in my imagination and I'm thankful google maps exists because it lets me know places I would like to see.

I'm never bored in my life and day is too short to do all the things I love. I hope it will always be like that.

Veiaola · 13/09/2020 08:17

I think the need to plan things is more important now than ever, the something to look forward to we need even as adults, unfortunately covid has taken a lot of that away. I personally am finding life hard at this age as I seem to have lost me, however I am attempting trying to plan things to regain my me.

AuntieMarys · 13/09/2020 08:22

Rubbish! We are in our 60s and don't think its time to put on velcro shoes and look after grandchildren!
We met 6 years ago and have a great life. Pre covid....holidays, gigs, theatres. We do 10 mile walks twice a week, gym and eat out. Exhibitions and galleries.
We haven't given up learning new things or taking an interest in different things.

Pinkmakeupbag · 13/09/2020 08:49

@kavalkada

Like you I grew up very poor. We never went on holiday or did anything much. A treat for us would have been going to the high street and eating in a cafe which was rare. My parents were often too depressed and miserable to make much effort to do anything special. They weren't bad people just downtrodden by life.

I wonder if that's why I'm able to enjoy such small pleasures.

It's a beautiful day today and there are so many possibilities. Going to cut the grass in the garden I always dreamed I'd have and sit outside with Dh for a bit, we will cook a lovely roast and then we can just do whatever we feel like. We could go for a walk, go for a drive, go on our bikes. Over the next few weeks we have a few plans with the dc, then there's Halloween and bonfire night to look forward to. We can do whatever we want.

It's quite elating really.

chimichangaz · 13/09/2020 09:13

There are some lovely posts on here, especially about enjoying the small things. I'm mid fifties and planning lots of exciting things. Divorced 8 years ago and I've been a different person ever since. My life is much more interesting and fulfilling now. My son is 19 and living with me. I enjoy the freedom an older child brings but I'm also looking forward to (hopefully) having grandchildren one day. I'm working hard to pay off my mortgage before I'm 60 despite having to start over again with a 23 year mortgage 8 years ago and I am so excited to think about how being financially independent will give me more options in life. I'd like to move to Cornwall when I'm 60, and I've got a side business online to generate more income and as a hobby. I'm moving home in a couple of months to reduce my mortgage and excited about planning renovations. I'm excited about hopefully being able to travel abroad again next year (🙏🏻).

I think it's about a mindset, and about making life how you want it. I am the sort of person who is never bored. There is always something to learn.

Mountainpika · 13/09/2020 09:19

I'm 73 and life is still interesting.

Rollmopsrule · 13/09/2020 09:21

I think it depends on the individual. I know people in their 20s and 30s that live a life I would find pretty boring tbh and then there are people I've met in their 60s that have always lived exciting lives and continue to do so. I think It's not so much about age.

lazylinguist · 13/09/2020 09:22

Oh god all these smug posters telling us how fab fab fab their lives are with their big savings pots and lots of me time. AT LAST!!! MN at its finest.

Hmm People are just responding to what the OP asked about. Are only poor people allowed to reply? There is a range of responses, including plenty of people talking about enjoying the simple things.

Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 13/09/2020 09:29

I don’t think life becomes less exciting, I just think your interests change as you get older. For example, I’m in my 30s now and interested in trying different recipes, home improvements and travelling whereas my younger self would have found those things really boring! It works both ways though, looking back to when I was 18 or 19 when I was going out to nightclubs getting wasted and spending the whole weekend hungover in bed- you couldn’t pay me to do that now!

Someone9 · 13/09/2020 10:10

Oh god all these smug posters telling us how fab fab fab their lives are with their big savings pots and lots of me time. AT LAST!!! MN at its finest.

I think this is a good example of how it depends on the outlook of the person as to how exciting life is. There are people who are optimists and go-getters who are happy for others and will find the excitement/good in life no matter what.

Then there are those who, instead of focusing on improving their circumstances, will simmer in bitterness and negativity instead. Not always their fault of course, and everyone is a product of their upbringing and circumstances, but it is a choice to a certain degree.

My mum has lived a life worthy of being made into a very sad, tragic film yet she is the most steadfastly optimistic person I know with such energy and joie de vivre. I'm often envious of her life!

Oliversmumsarmy · 13/09/2020 10:13

Personally if I looked 21 again I would be off to Ibiza alongside dd

That is the thing about getting older. You can’t do the things you want to because the things you want to do are only for young looking people,

The choices available to you get fewer and fewer.

ginghamtablecloths · 13/09/2020 10:23

Do you crave excitement OP? Things do tend to quieten down as you age, I think it's to be expected, after all, you've been there, done that, was sick down the t-shirt and we all grow out of that sort of thing eventually, don't we? I know I have.

I'm quite content to stay in for a cosy evening, watching telly, reading. sewing, etc and if others think I'm boring I really don't give a tinker's cuss anymore. Each to their own. It's your life and you must live it as you wish as long as you're not hurting anyone.

FishPalace · 13/09/2020 10:44

I think what depresses me about some of these threads is how limited some people conceive life to be -- they talk about the key events as pretty much job, marriage, children, buying a house (in whatever order), and once those are polished off, that's your lot, bar the annual sun holiday. So obviously this view could see life as completely done and dusted by the age of 30, depending on how quickly you've done these things.

I'm 48 and am one of the people whose life many people would see as too stressful -- I've moved around the world a lot, I quit a prestigious job last year to do something I've always wanted on very little money, moved countries at the end of 2019, and after a rental fell through, ended up living in an AirBnB by the sea with my young son during lockdown, and had some of the happiest times I've ever had. Life over the next few months is looking very chancy indeed, but I feel very engaged with it all, and interested in my life.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 13/09/2020 11:23

We are all different though Fish and want different things from life. There is nothing wrong with that. My life may seem depressing to you but it isn't to me.