What has been your daftest injury?

[WomenHour]

I would say being pushed into a thorn bush

Broke my big toe when I was younger by doing a backwards roly poly on a hard floor 🤦🏻‍♀️

Fractured both elbows at 39 weeks pregnant! I was attempting to crush an empty 2ltr coke bottle and I forgot to take the lid off!! Giving birth a fortnight later wasn’t exactly easy as I couldn’t use my arms to bear down.

Not exactly an injury, but I was once knocked onto a supermarket deli display after being run into from behind by a woman in a motorised shopping trolley thingy.
She'd never used one before, and had put her foot in the accelerator rather than the brake.

Oh, another one.

I cut my head when I was 3. I was rolling around in the washing basket and put my head through the glass in the back door.

I held my nose going down a waterslide and bumped my nose stud against the inside of my nose. I hadn't realised it had started to bleed until the lifeguard asked me if I was ok. Rather than letting me go and wipe my nose, they insisted I went to the medical Room (dripping wet and now freezing cold) . Where they gave me a tissue and had to write it in the accident book. The next day the manager from the complex gave me a courtesy call (as was policy) to check if I was ok. Very embarrassing when he asked me to explain what happened as he wasn't quite sure he understood the description in the book.

..."trying to run away from a slug 🐌" 'threecatsownme' :-)). Why would you run from a slug - they slither? :) But this does make me feel better about my severe injuries that have been caused innocously.

When I was seven, I broke my leg and was in plaster for weeks, due to slipping on the grass that, on a hot summer's day a dad had been spraying the hosepipe around on. As an adult, different daft dogs have yanked me over and smashed my head into the pavement twice.
The irony is, these are the most gentle dogs you could encounter, but they can't legislate for open sandles and a sudden downpour.

Whacked my head on a table whilst lecturing someone about their "lack of observation" that I had assessed the previous day. Cue 7 stitches in my head.

@toconclude

Had to get a tetanus jab after stubbing my toe in the dark. On a hedgehog...

I'm sorry but that's hilarious, how the hell did that happen?

Stupidest one was cutting a piece of cardboard with a stanley knife using my thigh as a table.

Daftest? I accidentally ironed my stomach when not paying attention, many years ago.

Most spectacular? When my DH closed the car door on my head on March 1st 2018, first day of heavy snow. Bled for 3/4 of an hour before I got a taxi to the hospital, where it was superglued. The scar is very deep, and I had a magnificent black eye for a couple of weeks. Working in retail was hilarious (I have a dark sense of humour) as everyone reeled back in horror when they first saw it.

Injury that gets the most incredulous looks was when I managed to skewer a knitting needle through the palm of my hand and out the wrist when I was ten.

Was looking at knives in a knife shop, tried to take one out of its sheaf to see how sharp it was and pulled a bit too hard so it came out very suddenly, and reacted my bringing my hand back the other way - right into the hand holding the sheaf and stabbed my hand. Got blood all over the knife display and the floor and felt so guilty about the mess I had to buy the knife.

Hit myself on the head with the car boot as I was closing it while still leaning in.

Kicked an over sized yoga type ball and tore a ligament.

I have ironed my own fingers on several occasions

Dh made me promise never to touch his power tools.

Fell down a rabbit hole and tore the ligaments in my ankle on a golf course

Fell out of a car at work (not drunk! Total spike of adrenaline bigger gap between the car and kerb) landed on my knee and elbow and bashed it all up

I smashed my shoulder into pieces just falling out of bed

After putting a low cut shirt on I realised I’d missed a bit between the buttons and absent-mindedly pressed a red hot iron onto my chest.
Accidentally got drunk the night before an early flight for a holiday and realised I’d forgotten to wax my tash. Woke at 5am to find I’d used scalding hot wax that had tore the skin off leaving hitler style tash scab the first week followed by a white mark the second week, blamed an unexstinguished flaming sambuca and got away with it though.
Fell off a podium at Cream that I had begged a bouncer to let me into after claiming to be a professional dancer. A jagged edge tore a strip from my ankle to thigh as I fell, refused to go to a and e and spent the whole night dancing and bleeding before passing out.
I’m a bit of a dick.

At the risk of outing myself, shush if this reveals who I am..

I have..

Fallen backwards, turning my knee over, down some stairs landing bum first in a cat litter tray (the covered kind).. i had to crawl out which was hard as the door opened inwards into the space i was occupying..

That did some serious muscle and ligament damage to my knee with some impressive bruising.

Broken a rib coughing. A week later I coughed again and fell off the sofa in agony, the paramedic reckoned I'd done another (And the subsequent xray to check things proved him right).

My absolute stunner though was test driving an all terrain power wheelchair, taking it up a steep earthy mound... and it tipping me out face first down the other side, landed on knees and hands, big fat bruised knee and some cuts, but I had to haul myself up and laugh as the sales person was absolutely crapping himself thinking NO SALE!

I bought the wheelchair :D

Smacked myself in the head with a stepladder whilst trying to close it. Bled and nearly knocked myself out.
There was a nut on it that made an imprint on my forehead so i had a HEXAGONAL bruise on my forehead for three weeks.

Likely outing but I hit my head off the door of a cab while opening it to be sick (not my finest moment) - ended up in A&E having my brow glued back together, 2 black eyes and a bloody nose. Only left a little scar surprisingly.

Also burned myself with an iron whilst trying to iron a blouse that I was wearing.

That made me snort!

I too have an iron injury. I was 3 and helping Mummy. I was just in my pants, standing on a stool. Mum was slightly distracted. I reached over for something, and felt this pain in my belly. I’d caught the edge of the hot iron. I’ve got a long scar there now, and when doctors see it, they demand to know what operation I had.

There’s an indented little scar on my shin from when my dickhead brother was pissing about at crazy golf, not letting me have my go, and accidentally whacked me with the club. There was a trickle of blood that ran down to my yellow trainer and made a real old mess of it.

Then there was breaking my collarbone at a Megadeth gig because a heavy fucker landed on me.

I dropped boiling hot porridge down my legs and feet and had to go to minor injuries. The nurses laughed at me! It bloody hurt lol.
I slipped and damaged my coccyx on wet decking. Agony for months!
I fell whilst taking the bin out and tore the ligaments in my ankle, it was massive and had to have it plastered for 2 weeks. Me and the bin were led on the floor in my front garden and my neighbour just walked straight past me! Luckily I'd phoned my mum and she came to take me to the hospital.

My partner ran over my foot with his motorcycle. I was helping him push it in the garden. He rolled it back on my foot. (Positioning it in place to park)

It was “hey! it’s on my foot!” I got a funny look, then an “oh you’re serious! It’s On your foot” . Then he moved it.

I had a sore foot for the rest of the day. And had to put up with “do you know your motorcycle is on my foot? No... you hum it, I’ll play it “ joke All bloody day!

One of the people I manage called in sick because he’d drained a pan of pasta and missed the sink completely. Got a few litre of simmering water on his feet!! Both were bandaged up for a few days!

Say on my hair straighteners with just a towel wrapped round me, sadly it wasn't covering my foof and I burnt the bugger 🤦🏼‍♀️
Oh and I tried giving myself a Hollywood wax and nearly waxed half my fanny off! Ouch

Stabbed my left index finger knuckle with a kitchen knife trying to remove the last sprout from the stalk. 🤦🏻‍♀️
Had to get DH to drive home from work (18 miles) to take me to hospital (1 mile away) to get it xrayed and stitched as I went dizzy and nearly fainted.

The sprouts were unharmed, and we had them with a roast dinner.🤣🤣

A&e for ripping apart labia while trying to do a home brazilian wax.
It bleeds a lot down there but no lasting damage!

2 days ago I tripped walking to work, landed awkwardly on my ankle and snapped my tendon 🤦🏽 did laugh at myself afterwards as I'm naturally clumsy.