Bus weirdo! Should I have moved?

[Baternburg]

Was on the bus home from town with my DS, almost 1 year. We’d gone in to buy supplies for his birthday cake. On the bus there is a space for wheelchairs/buggies so I put the buggy there as usual and sat down on the little fold down seat next to it, and started to give baby a bottle as he was getting hungry.
I get a tap on the shoulder and turn round to see a man, no mask on, smelling of booze, telling me I can’t sit there as I’m sitting too close to him. Now, there were perhaps 6 other people on the bus and it was a double decker, so plenty of space where he could have moved. I said to him ‘no, I’m feeding my baby’ and turned around back to face pram. Get another tap and turned round, said ‘can you stop touching me’ and turned back around. Man then says again I need to move, 2 metres distance etc. Again without a mask on. I say ‘I’m not moving at the moment as I’m feeding my baby’. He then attempts to fold up my chair WHILE I’m sitting on it. I said again ‘don’t touch me’ and turned away again because I could see him getting agitated and I didn’t want a scene or want things to escalate, even though I wanted to call him a miserable bastard. He then says he’s going to tell the driver, and gets up and over to the driver. Old lady across from us has a go at him as well. The driver tells me there is another seat on the other side of the buggy so I can turn the buggy around. I didn’t realise this seat was there as it’s also a fold up one and it’s kind of folded into a wheelchair pad thing so looks like it’s just part of that. So I do go and sit there l, again I’m not wanting to make a scene or stoop to the weirdo’s level. As I’m leaving the bus the bus driver thanks me for moving and apologises, says if someone spoke to his wife like that he’d give them a swift punch.

So my question is should I have moved in this situation and was I being unreasonable for sitting closer to the man in order that I could sit next to the buggy to give baby a bottle?

Did you ask him if he could possible move so that you could feed your baby? Or did you just expect him to make way? Sounds to me like YWBU. Having a baby doesn't mean your convenience outways other people's safety.

@Baternburg

Yes he was there first but he could have easily moved to another seat and let me sit next to baby in buggy, rather than take baby out and carry him and bags to another seat where I potentially could have fallen over. It seems the same as someone giving their seat up to someone less able to stand than them in my view, common courtesy?

My god have you heard yourself. He was there first, you could have easily chosen a different seat in the first place. You are being very self entitled, the world doesn’t revolve around you because you have a son and nor is having a child a disability.

What is the relevance of making a birthday cake to this story?

Some of these answers... I bet they would tell a wheelchair user that they should leap out of their chair and sit elsewhere on the bus in this scenario.

You are perfectly entitled to sit in the buggy space and he was more than able to move if he was bothered by how close you were. Which he clearly wasn't considering he then proceeded to get into your personal space. I suspect he was just looking for someone to bully with covid as excuse.

People who say you should have left yout buggy and moved clearly don't live in big city where in some areas your stuff would be nicked in a second if left unattended. And none of the drivers ever wait for you to sit down before they start driving so it would be very hard to fold down a buggy and carry a baby and shopping to a different seat.

If you want/expect someone to move for your convenience then its polite to actually ask them. Esp as it turns out there was another seat for you to use.

OP, OBVIOUSLY YANBU ! I see SO many entitled threads on here, women thinking they and their little prince / princesses can do as they please but your thread is not one of them.

I sometimes take the bus in London when I'm at work and ALWAYS move so that mums with buggies can sit near them. I am child free so its not because I know how they feel, it's because I'm a decent human and not a huge arsehole, like many who have posted on this thread.

Honestly MN is not the place to get sensible, measured opinions it's full of absolute nutters who live in some parallel universe where common sense and decency are negative concepts but pretty sure you are aware of this by now.

You shouldn't have sat close to him. You were in the wrong.

But you're one of those posters who will just keep arguing aren't you?

Blimey I'm really surprised by the responses on here. I don't think you were being unreasonable at all. If he were so worried, he could move. It's not about being entitled, it's common sense.
It's much easier for him to move then a woman with a baby, changing bag and pram to contend with.

@Baternburg
I do agree it's Horrendous try to get babies out of the buggy but it's doable.
not all mothers are kind either.
I had twins and it's impossible to get two babies out so on the two or three times I used bus when they were in buggies I would have to get off if a mum with one baby didn't fold her buggy if she was there first despite bus being half empty.
I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have folded your buggy for a twin mum judging by your attitude.
I just used to walk whatever the weather until I got a car.

@seayork2020

Having a baby is having a baby not a free pass to not do what you should have done, no you should not have sat there and if asked to move you should have moved.

You can 'yeah but...' but nothing changes

But not having realised there was another chair, where exactly should she have moved to? If there was no reasonable space downstairs perhaps upstairs and leave her 1 yo down stairs alone??
And the reality is on buses, they haven't blocked out alt seating so any seat is free. If you sir down and someone gets to close in YOUR OPINION you don't get to dictate their behaviour

@Subordinatethatclause

Did you ask him if he could possible move so that you could feed your baby? Or did you just expect him to make way? Sounds to me like YWBU. Having a baby doesn't mean your convenience outways other people's safety.

Op didn't want him to move until he started poking her and being rude. The suggestion that he move was because she wasn't doing anything wrong and he was unhappy

I can’t understand the negative responses on here either. These spaces are for wheelchair/buggies. The OP had a buggie, so was using it for the correct purpose. Unfortunately drunk people are a problem and sometimes just can’t see reason!.

I actually had an incident with a drunk person on Thursday. I had a hospital appointment, so my husband dropped me and my mobility scooter (which comes in 4 parts, so has to be put together) off. When he came back to get me he parked in the drop off/pick up parking. I was watching for him at the door, so drove over as soon as I saw him. It takes a few minutes to take the scooter apart and put it in the boot. As I was getting into the car (with it’s blue badge displayed) a drunk guy (stinking of booze and a can of beer in his hand) came up shouting that this isn’t the car park. I said it’s the pick up area and I’m getting picked up. He came right up to me still shouting, so I got into the car as quickly as I could. He then started banging on the window, still shouting that it’s not a car park. One of the most annoying things was that we were parked in about the last pick up space and all the other cars had been there much longer. Some had been there when I was dropped off 2 hours earlier!

However, the message to the OP is, that there’s no point in arguing with someone like this, so it’s best to remove yourself from the situation if possible, even if you are the one in the right!

Yanbu, he could have just moved. I sont think the ppsters desperate to potray him as a poor downtrodden soul are helpful either. He was drubk, aggressivr and i csn just imagine the kind of behaviour you encountered. If he had asked politely with a genuine reason im assuming you would have moved. An aggressive twat whos only disability is alcoholism is not more entitled than a mum with a buggy. The front seats are for the vulnerable, absolutely (more physically than mentally due to increased need for space surely?) He may have sat nearer the front because he was getting off in a few stops and wanted to get off quixkly. Also op was wearing a mask - the precise reason masks are needed is for spaces when you csnnot social distance ie a bus! Im guessing if he had told op he needed the space for a genuine reason, or was visibly disabled etc then she would have moved. All this 'there could be a 1000 good reasons, youre disablist anf entitled op, how dare you expect him to speak nicely' basically means anyone can plonk themselves in the front seats then? And if an elderly person with a zimmer gets on the person already sat csnnot be expected to move or even voice why they cant move, then what? It seems many posters on here op thibk that any mum with a pram who doesnt simper in gratitide at being allowed a seat on the bus is entitled.

The issue is MNs hatred for buggy pushers on buses

Op: I got harassed by a drunk guy who insisted I couldn't sit on a seat near him but it was the only one I could use
MN: you poor thing, that's terribly. How scary for you. I hope to driver helped.

Op: I got harassed by a drunk guy who insisted I couldn't sit on a seat near him but it was the only one I could use as I had the baby in a buggy
MN: OMG you're so send obsessed, your baby isn't special and neither are you. You shouldn't be in that space. And then you were rude to a vulnerable elderly man. I bet he wasn't even drink, you're just making that up because you think your PFB is the only thing that matters. Carry your baby on our walk the 5 miles, that's what we did when mine were small.

was I being unreasonable for sitting closer to the man in order that I could sit next to the buggy to give baby a bottle?

Yes, you were being unreasonable. The man handled it like a dick but you were acting entitled from the beginning.

@SleepingStandingUp

the accuracy

@Cruachan31

That sounds horrible. And sounds like a similar level of aggression I received. Which is why I’m astounded by these responses.

@BewilderedDoughnut where would you suggest I would have gone then?

These replies are hilarious... man worried about social distancing TOUCHES someone else...

He obviously wasn't that worried, was he as he was touching the op and did it multiple times.

Op said she made an error, but I think he was U to be faux concerned about her being in "his" space all the while not caring about touch.

@Baternburg where would you suggest I would have gone then?

Home?? You were on your way there anyway!

@BewilderedDoughnut

YWNBU. You sat in the wheelchair/buggy space, wearing a mask to protect the people around you, leaving a reasonable distance between you and crazy drunk man. Crazy drunk man then harassed you, including touching (which I'd have gone mad at, and like you, I hate confrontation). Buses where we are ask people from different households not to share a pair of seats and to leave a spare seat in front and behind if possible. For you, that wouldn't have been possible. Plus, In your position, I'd have wanted to be between CDM and my baby.

MN is weird about public transport and buggies. I doubt most of the people berating you here ever use the bus and suspect that they have no real idea what a modern bus even looks like on the inside

You should have folded the pushchair and nay luggage up, carried that in one arm and baby in the other then gone and sat as far away as possible so your baby didn't upset anyone else 🤣😜

[quote BewilderedDoughnut]**@Baternburg* where would you suggest I would have gone then?*

Home?? You were on your way there anyway![/quote]
That doesn't make sense. You want her to go home, she was going home. How do you expect her to get there is she can't use the space usable by buggies because people in a bus expect to dictate where everyone else sits??

This website is a joke sometimes.

So many PP’s are berating OP for having the audacity to ask the man to move and completely ignoring the facts that:

1. she was using a designated buggy space for a buggy
2. she didn’t ask the man to move - when HE told HER to move, she suggested he could move instead if he was so concerned, given that she had a buggy and was feeding her baby
3. the man repeatedly pestered and touched her, and tried to mess around with her seat.

I literally cannot see any reason why you would be on the side of the aggressive, inconsiderate, difficult man in this situation unless you just hate mothers and are desperate to punish them for any tiny, perceived moment of ‘entitlement’ no matter how much you have to contort yourself to see it.

@Sanitisethat 100%! Best response yet. Besides there isn’t even a two meter rule on public transport so he was BU in the first place. If he wanted that gap it was his job to move