Bus weirdo! Should I have moved?

[Baternburg]

Was on the bus home from town with my DS, almost 1 year. We’d gone in to buy supplies for his birthday cake. On the bus there is a space for wheelchairs/buggies so I put the buggy there as usual and sat down on the little fold down seat next to it, and started to give baby a bottle as he was getting hungry.
I get a tap on the shoulder and turn round to see a man, no mask on, smelling of booze, telling me I can’t sit there as I’m sitting too close to him. Now, there were perhaps 6 other people on the bus and it was a double decker, so plenty of space where he could have moved. I said to him ‘no, I’m feeding my baby’ and turned around back to face pram. Get another tap and turned round, said ‘can you stop touching me’ and turned back around. Man then says again I need to move, 2 metres distance etc. Again without a mask on. I say ‘I’m not moving at the moment as I’m feeding my baby’. He then attempts to fold up my chair WHILE I’m sitting on it. I said again ‘don’t touch me’ and turned away again because I could see him getting agitated and I didn’t want a scene or want things to escalate, even though I wanted to call him a miserable bastard. He then says he’s going to tell the driver, and gets up and over to the driver. Old lady across from us has a go at him as well. The driver tells me there is another seat on the other side of the buggy so I can turn the buggy around. I didn’t realise this seat was there as it’s also a fold up one and it’s kind of folded into a wheelchair pad thing so looks like it’s just part of that. So I do go and sit there l, again I’m not wanting to make a scene or stoop to the weirdo’s level. As I’m leaving the bus the bus driver thanks me for moving and apologises, says if someone spoke to his wife like that he’d give them a swift punch.

So my question is should I have moved in this situation and was I being unreasonable for sitting closer to the man in order that I could sit next to the buggy to give baby a bottle?

The initial post said the man smelled of booze. Interestingly many posters have embroidered that so that he's now drunk.

@SheepandCow.. I don't know where in London you're from, but where I'm from people aren't like that. I've been born and bred in London my entire life.

If he was that worried about you being too close to him, I wonder why he kept tapping you on the shoulder? Makes no sense. If the lady and the bus driver thought you weren't in the wrong I wouldn't worry about it.

I think we're going off piste now with the London stuff .. This isn't about London. OP, I don't think you deserve the bashing you're getting but I just know had that been me in my town I wouldn't have expected anyone to move.

Only on MN can a drunk man go around accosting and haranguing random women and have people defending him.

Absolutely this. Normal people don’t call mothers of young babies unreasonable for sitting on a bus feeding their child while a man pokes them, harangues them and tries to order them about, but mumsnet is a real twilight zone sometimes.

Bet my bottom dollar he wouldn't have dared been tapping the shoulder of some beefy bloke getting in his space.

If you hadn't been a woman with young children and instead been some beefy bloke would he have dared to tap you on the shoulder? Absolutely no way. He only did it because he deemed you to be vulnerable and therefore a safe target because a) you're a woman and b) you're a mother.

I remember taking my two young children onto buses and trains when they were little 15 years ago and being treated with such courtesy by young men and women as I struggled to negotiate buggies and bags and feeding paraphanalia. All I remember is kindness and people going out of their way to be helpful. Times have changed dramatically.

This man that tapped you on the shoulder was a dickhead. You say there were plenty of other spaces on the bus - he could have easily moved if he was that concerned about catching germs.

He clearly wasn't concerned about covid or germs or the bubonic plague or anything else otherwise he would have quietly moved his silly entitled arse to a different seat instead of risking his health by moving even closer to you and making physical contact.

@Noidea2114 the first bit is really harsh and horrible.. I don't think that's very nice at all.

why do you think you're so important and exempt from the rules just cuz you have a baby? i hate this attitude so much, it's the same attitude which leads mums to monopolise whole cafes and act as though they have a monopoly on tiredness.

there's loads of reasons why that might might not have been wearing a mask. it's not relevant that he smelt of 'booze'. he was there first, and you got into his space. you were being the arsehole.

No he sounds like a bloody arse. It was wrong of that boozy bastard not to wear a mask and order a mum to move

[quote Puppy72]@waitforitwaitforit it's definitely a London thing, I worked right up to 38.5 weeks pregnant because my job is so busy and demanding and was still taking the tube in, on a busy London underground train people aren't looking around, I never expected a seat.. If I got one I was thankful but I didn't get on public transport with that expectation or as others are saying.. Entitlement.[/quote]
I was once on a packed train ( not London) I was heavily pregnant, the train was packed with 90 percent being female. They all spent the journey trying not to look at me and trying to barge past me as I stood in the narrow aisle.
Towards the end of the journey i caught one looking at me and she pretended to have only noticed I was heavily pregnant and offered her seat. I declined and said she was only offering as she was likely getting off at the next stop.

The week before I was on the same train filled with 90 percent males. I was offered a seat before I’d even had a chance to look for one.

@Oncemorewithfeelin 100% agree with you there. Actually thinking of the times I was actually offered a seat it was mostly by a man!

HE was there first. Why should HE move

Such an unnuanced way of evaluating the situation. It's irrelevant who was there first.

Out of sheer courtesy and common decency he should have moved. It's got nothing to do with who is there first. She's a mother with young children and prams etc. to manage on a moving bus. Really tricky situation.

He's there with no children to look after - just himself to manage - so here's a revolutionary idea - rather than turning on a young woman with young children - why does he just not move his silly petty self to another seat.

If he’s concerned about social distancing but not wearing a mask, one would assume he’s unable to wear a mask. You also make assumptions about him being a drinker. A pint will make you smell of booze, as will a half.

Don't think she deserves abuse. She's explained the situation, asked for opinions, which everyone is entitled to do.. But calling her a btch and an asehole isn't very adult, it's just abusive.

You day he was 2 metres away, that you sat 2 metres away from him.

Yet he can lean over to you. Must have an exceptionally long torso.

Qop you have my sympathies. I get on the bus with a double buggy. I can't lift two babies who weigh 11kg/24lbs each and carry them up the bus to another seat. It's irresponsible to leave them in the buggy and sit out of reach in case the brake comes off etc.

The only reason people think it would be reasonable to have to wait all day for a visa where that seat by me is free is because I'm a pushchair bus user and most of MN hate is and think we should have folded it in the bus stop and carried it, the babies, the nappy bag and the shopping in our as like they / their mom did back in the olden days.

I think you should have moved. If he was there first you should have sat an appropriate distance away. I dont know why you would want to sit too close to someone without a mask. I'd give them a wide berth.

OP I expect most people who’ve said you’re unreasonable don’t actually get the bus with a buggy. If they did they’d know how bloody hard it is and how you have to usually grab the first seat you can while the bus is already moving.

@Readandwalk

You day he was 2 metres away, that you sat 2 metres away from him.

Yet he can lean over to you. Must have an exceptionally long torso.

She also said he had his bum on the edge of the seat and leant over to get, so not exceptionally long.

YANBU

Where I live, if someone is sitting in the front seats where there is more room - due to the wheelchair space being in front of them - and someone gets onto the bus with a buggy if the person already on the bus doesnt need that seat, they will usually happily and willingly move to another free seat on the bus before the new passenger has even got on.

It's common courtesy and common sense that if I have no need for a specific seat then I can sit in any seat, anywhere on the bus. If someone gets on and needs a specific space whether because of a buggy, shopping bags, large luggage, closer to the door for passengers who struggle walking etc then it makes sense to let them have the seat and move myself the few feet to another seat rather than make them struggle further than necessary and potentially hold up the bus as the driver/other passengers wait for them to sit down and stop being a safety hazard.

I am with the busweirdo on this. Sorry

I was going to say YANBU until you started having a go at Londoners.

Whether he was intoxicated or not again doesnr give ypu any entitlement to dismiss him.

Ah yes because it's a well-known fact that being drunk doesn't ever cause people to have impaired judgement, or to become more confrontational and aggressive than sober people, such as harassing a mother on an empty bus for sitting in a seat specially allocated to buggy users.

Honestly - were you drunk when you typed that?

Having a baby is having a baby not a free pass to not do what you should have done, no you should not have sat there and if asked to move you should have moved.

You can 'yeah but...' but nothing changes