Bus weirdo! Should I have moved?

[Baternburg]

Was on the bus home from town with my DS, almost 1 year. We’d gone in to buy supplies for his birthday cake. On the bus there is a space for wheelchairs/buggies so I put the buggy there as usual and sat down on the little fold down seat next to it, and started to give baby a bottle as he was getting hungry.
I get a tap on the shoulder and turn round to see a man, no mask on, smelling of booze, telling me I can’t sit there as I’m sitting too close to him. Now, there were perhaps 6 other people on the bus and it was a double decker, so plenty of space where he could have moved. I said to him ‘no, I’m feeding my baby’ and turned around back to face pram. Get another tap and turned round, said ‘can you stop touching me’ and turned back around. Man then says again I need to move, 2 metres distance etc. Again without a mask on. I say ‘I’m not moving at the moment as I’m feeding my baby’. He then attempts to fold up my chair WHILE I’m sitting on it. I said again ‘don’t touch me’ and turned away again because I could see him getting agitated and I didn’t want a scene or want things to escalate, even though I wanted to call him a miserable bastard. He then says he’s going to tell the driver, and gets up and over to the driver. Old lady across from us has a go at him as well. The driver tells me there is another seat on the other side of the buggy so I can turn the buggy around. I didn’t realise this seat was there as it’s also a fold up one and it’s kind of folded into a wheelchair pad thing so looks like it’s just part of that. So I do go and sit there l, again I’m not wanting to make a scene or stoop to the weirdo’s level. As I’m leaving the bus the bus driver thanks me for moving and apologises, says if someone spoke to his wife like that he’d give them a swift punch.

So my question is should I have moved in this situation and was I being unreasonable for sitting closer to the man in order that I could sit next to the buggy to give baby a bottle?

@FOKKYFC and I know haha. I’ll end up being told to eat less and move more

@Baternburgh Oh, fair enough. The buses in my neck of the woods don't have that arrangement with the back bit - it's literally a pull-down seat.

Oh God - 'eat less and move more.' Brilliant. Should I also create a calorie deficit and up my fibre intake while drinking lots of water? I wish someone would put 'Have your heart broken or 'Get swine flu badly as those took two stone off in about as many weeks. FWIW, I now weigh more then 12 stone and I haven't had a baby in the last year. And while I'm pretty tall, I'm not as tall as I need to be to have an acceptable BMI. I still think I look OK. I'm sure you look great.

@Baternburg don't worry about some of the replies. If that man was so worried about his space 1)he would be on a bus with a mask (I don't give a shit about him being exempt or not you wear a mask if you are worried simple) 2) not physically touched you and 3) not invaded your personal space by leaning towards you being so close that you can smell his boozy breath.

I would have told him to fuck off and caused a scene as soon as he physically touched you.

Sounds like the drunk man sat down in the first seat he reached, which was at the front, next to the buggy area. Then OP got on and did something similar, as it was convenient to sit next to the buggy and feed her baby. It's difficult to walk when drunk, or when encumbered by a baby and bags, so they both had reasons why they plonked themselves at the front and didn't want to move. Awkward. Had the man been sober, and kind hearted, he might have shown consideration and moved to give OP space, but as he was there first then technically OP was breaking the SD rules by sitting too close to him.

Sounds like a bothersome journey with a baby and buggy, just for birthday cake ingredients - surely baby won't know or care if you make a birthday cake? YABU to put yourself through such hassle. Perhaps think twice about making similar journeys, it sounds pretty stressful.

[quote Baternburg]@FOKKYFC I’ve been trying to find a picture online of said ‘hard to find’ seat. Finally found one haha it’s circled in yellow!
Disabled pad thing wasn’t the best phrase haha but it’s a seat built into the wheelchair padding so that wheelchairs don’t tip over I’m guessing. It doesn’t stick out like the normal fold down chairs so it does just look like part of this padding. Or at least to me it did!
Anyway, the things you google on a Sunday night haha[/quote]
Yep, I live in an area of Stagecoach buses and this is totally standard - the square section is a flip down seat but if you don't look closely it just looks like it's one solid cushioned pad for the wheelchair user to position their chair against. On ours we also have a flip down seat positioned at the left hand side of the picture (I assume for if a wheelchair user is travelling with a carer so they can sit with them), then a small gap, safety bar and then the "normal" row seating starts.

It seems that these are not as standard a design as I thought from some of the responses that dont seem to understand how you could be sitting how you said you were.

I automatically assumed that you put your buggy positioned as you would a wheelchair, with the back against the pad and then sat in the "carer's" flip down seat, and then the belligerent drunk was sitting in the first row of "normal" seats.

FOKKYFC Yes - I particularly enjoyed the 'He might be vulnerable! That's why he behaved like a total crevice!' posts. They must be absolute angels to assume that every belligerent man who smells of booze and tries to fold a seat up while they're sitting in it is doing so out of anxiety rather than, I don't know, being pissed out of his skull...

Not sure why so many people are saying he may have been disabled and unable to move. He wandered off to tell the driver. He could have easily move one seat away. The bus was after all, nearly empty. Touching you is absolutely not ok.

@Baternburg
I’m not “fixated” on making it into a double buggy debate.

1. my first comment was that I would avoid conflict with a drunk man if I had my baby with me nothing to do with the “patriarchy” just safety and common sense.
2. I asked about the double buggy because you displayed an arrrogance around the fact it was difficult to fold a buggy and hold onto one baby I concurred but politely asked if you would but the needs of another mum in a more difficult situation twins because I’ve been in both situations. You danced around the questions and only responded to people who said yanbu what’s the point in asking if you are only prepared to agree with those who agree with you. I’m past the baby stage as my twins are teens but I still help women out with babies hold open doors help down steps because a nice thing to do for a fellow woman but I hate your entitlement shouting down everyone calling me “weird” and also calling a man you thought was drunk weird also. Very unpleasant attitude

@pinkcheesecake
Telling a man whose drunk to F off and cause a seen in front of your baby is just silly putting you both at risk to win a seat just isn’t worth it.
Of course you should be able to sit comfortably on the bus with your baby but it’s not the end of the world if you can’t.
Surely protecting yourself and baby’s safety is more important than winning a seat from in @Baternburg words a “Drunk weirdo”
Life’s too short

l don't think op had a choice of where she could sit and then she had to feed her baby.

@canigooutyet - You created the situation when you clearly saw he didn't wear a mask. This also implies that he has some "vulnerability"

No it doesn't! Not anymore than it implies he is just a drunk arse who thinks the rules don't apply to him...

@AllTheWayUp Firstly, talking about Covid and social distancing, why was he not wearing a mask in the first place if he was so concerned about someone being close to him!

I know, right. So worried about covid that he isn't wearing a mask in an enclosed space and touching a stranger. Yet somehow other posters just KNOW he is vulnerable, and not drunk like op said, even though she was there.

Add to that, on a site full of the threads about people bemoaning having to wear a mask, people STILL believe the "vulnerable" line over the drunk-rules-don't-apply-to-me man on a bus.

[quote differentnameforthis]@canigooutyet - You created the situation when you clearly saw he didn't wear a mask. This also implies that he has some "vulnerability"

No it doesn't! Not anymore than it implies he is just a drunk arse who thinks the rules don't apply to him...

@AllTheWayUp Firstly, talking about Covid and social distancing, why was he not wearing a mask in the first place if he was so concerned about someone being close to him!

I know, right. So worried about covid that he isn't wearing a mask in an enclosed space and touching a stranger. Yet somehow other posters just KNOW he is vulnerable, and not drunk like op said, even though she was there.

Add to that, on a site full of the threads about people bemoaning having to wear a mask, people STILL believe the "vulnerable" line over the drunk-rules-don't-apply-to-me man on a bus.[/quote]
Tell me about it ! People are so quick to talk shit - mother with a small child should get all the entitlement possible - I bet a lot of these comments are people without children and do not understand. Let's defend the drunk man walking around without a mask, who shouts about personal space but feels entitled enough to get in someone personal space and touch them & let's verbally abuse a mother with an infant child, because that makes perfect sense 🙄🙄🙄

@Temp123999
Wow, quite an analysis of my behaviour on here. You must know me so well. Did it not occur to you that this is mumsnet, not question time. I didn’t ‘dance around’ your question, I’m not a politician, the only reason I’m still answering stuff on this thread is for something to fill my time during feeds. It is wierd to be so invested in my answers to your questions

And even if CDM was so worried about social distancing, OP was protecting him from her by wearing her mask. He was the one creating more of a risk by not wearing a mask.

@KitMarlowesCodpieceOfthigh

And even if CDM was so worried about social distancing, OP was protecting him from her by wearing her mask. He was the one creating more of a risk by not wearing a mask.

And sitting with her back to him until she had to turn around and talk to him.

@Temp123999

Yesterday at 13:09 OP posted the following:

I’d always make a space, squeeze buggy up or fold up if another person with a pram got on. I’ve sometimes got off the bus a couple of stops early to make room for another pram coming on. I’m not an inconsiderate or entitled person

So your question was answered perfectly clearly. You just disregarded it because you were so desperate to harangue the OP about something.

Next time maybe read all the responses before calling someone unpleasant and entitled, eh?

@Sanitisethat
I think you should post on netmums as it’s probably more your level. I’ve disabled my @ in settings so won’t receive any more notifications but feel free to keep the schoolgirl behaviour.

Lol I have children.
I remember when the buses weren't accessible and had children.
I remember why buses were made accessible and had children. I remember why the courtesy was extended to pushchairs.

If the man was harassing the op as she states the bus driver was in his rights to tell the man to leave the bus. They have various policies in place to deal with drunk passengers and the bus driver would have been in his right to tell the man to leave the bus.
Instead the driver let him stay on and told the op about another seat.

If the op still feels like this was handled badly by the driver she is more than entitled to raise this with the bus company.

🤣🤣🤣 what a marvellous flounce!

@canigooutyet
Yep that’s true. I could probably have said to the driver I wasn’t happy but to be honest I didn’t want to make a scene and I didn’t want to make the drivers job harder. The driver didn’t actually see what the man was doing to me and only alerted to the issue when the man went to tell him. When he asked me to move and told me about the other seat, I did move, and I would have sat in that seat originally had I known it was there.
But yes, I don’t have any issues with the drivers response. I think he quite well handled the issue by finding me an alternative suitable place to sit.

He was only alerted after then man went to talk to him?
Then how was he able to make any comments about how the man spoke to you?

Hi OP. You sat in the area designated for wheelchairs and people with buggies. If the man needed a priority seat, those are at the front of the bus, just beyond the wheelchair/buggy seats. And I don't really see why it would have been necessary to ask him if he minded you sitting there, since you weren't right next to him. As for other pp's suggestions that you take your baby out the buggy to sit somewhere else, I have yet to meet a bus driver who waits for parents to do this before starting to drive. Getting them back in is difficult when the bus is moving too. Hence the designated buggy/wheelchair spaces. Much safer to leave your baby in the buggy.
As for trying to tip you out of your seat, this is assault in my opinion.
I would have stuck up for you if I had been there.

@canigooutyet I think because of the way he spoke to the driver about me. The man wasn’t very pleasant about how he spoke about me to the driver

@canigooutyet
I do feel for the driver. They drive on a route where most days you’ll get some drunk or high people coming on the bus and they have to deal with them. Usually I just ignore them as I know it’s best not to get involved.

I still want to know what the people saying take your baby out think I should do in this situation? I always sir in the wheelchair/buggy space because my buggy is long. There's always someone sat in that priority seat. They're 9 months ago not walking and they're 24lbs each so not little light things to carry about on a moving bus